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Had To "repent" Before I Go Back To The Army


Leaf
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Well my story is one of "how did I ever get into that stuff" :Doh: . When I was

16 I lived with my sister and her husband we moved into a new place and

across the street were strict Methodist Christians. I was befriended by

some youth and started going to church about 1 time every two weeks. I

then started to read the Bible in an easy format called the "Living

Bible" made it rather simple and more interesting then the KJV. Well I

was not a fool and I questioned allot..went to creation seminars..I

really wanted to know the truth..and after my 3rd Creation seminar I

felt Christianity was correct. "Of course looking back I see the many

flaws of the Creationist augments" So then I turned 17 still unsaved and

now going to the church for about 9 months..The pastor and they youth

were always telling me how they are preying for me..At this time I was

asking questions about, god , jesus, hell,Heaven etc. It did make sense

to my 17 year old naive mind at the time.

So at 17 I needed a job and I joined the US Army Reserve..went to basic

and while in Basic training I attended church..and I started to feel

these convictions...at the time..Now I know it was just guilt ingrained

in my mind by the weekly church I attended. Well after basic..I went

back to the church and was then "lead to the "Alter" to say the sinners

prayer. Being afraid of hell's pit I went.So here I was a 18 year old

new Christian...And I became zealous. I enrolled in a Methodist Bible

college "instead of a regular State college" I would help witness...give

my "testimony" I bought books by Finney, Murry, John Wesley, you name

it.Went to church 3 times a week Sunday morning evening and Wednesday. I

even paid 10% of my petty income "I was a college kid making 400 dollars

a month. I even asked one pastor if I should give 10% of my Army GI

college bill to the church..he said god will bless you. Went to the

yearly revivals and camps. But at this time i was alway what I call UP

and DOWN. Always unsure of my salvation. I also notice other youth males

and females in college or church who struggled with salvation and would

go to the alter and get saved again and again...So here I thought..Ok I

do all this Christian laws...try my hardest and 1 sin if be lust I have

to get re-saved. I noticed allot of the males were "struggling"

Generally because they were told if you look at a women and lust it is

sin..the church said masturbation is sin...All us youth males struggled

in these areas and I am sure many who write here also felt guilty as

Christians for these sexual sins. I would also notice pastors, youth

pastors , faculty members of the Church and college who were greedy,

sinning, had evil spirits, lustful, money grubbing, or those in high

power who would also be struggling with sin and getting re-saved.

So this was the road I was on..and I was unhappy and poor. My fellow

soldier thought I was a weird on drill weekends. I was alway unsure of

my Christianity. For example on revival service when I was about 21 "now

a Christian for 3 years " I was total Christian for 5 years. Well the

sermon was on HELL and the pastor said those who are with sin need to

repent or god may strike you dead as you drive home tonight. He even

gave a illustration of a man who walked out of his sermon one time and

got in a car wreck and died....So the result of this was the entire

church went to the alter get re-saved for the Gazillianth time. So this

was the straw that got me off the beaten unsure road. I started to THINK

and for MYSELF! I started thinking here are these Christians going to

church h every Sunday , pay tithes, don't drink smoke etc... and they

don't even know if they are "saved" . I asked is this stuff even real?

Why spend my life being unsure? Is this stuff practical? What about the

doctrine of it all?

So after this I started going to church less...maybe 1 or 2 times a

month. Started being around Bible Thumper less. Started to read other

"Taboo books" like on evolution, and augments against Chistainty,

doctrines like on Hell and Heaven."Of which Hell is not even in the Old

Testament Jesus made it up" I read books about the history of the

church..about how some of the most holy and pious Christians like John

Calvin "Calvinism" was out sentencing people to be burned at the stake.

I started seeing the Bible packed full of errors and inconsistency. I

seen Christians "not the new Zealous ones" but older Christians

miserable people always struggling. So many questions...... So about 6

months after the revival..I went to 5 well know so called Smart

Methodist pastors..for answers....Guess what I got? Nothing but "I'll

prey for you...or text book shallow answers. I seen then that even the

most holy and pious Christian don't even really know what they believe

when it comes down to it..They follow a blind faith.

Well my journey continued with Church going from once a month to none in

about 2 years after this...

I could write more but this is the gist. Now I often ask myself how was

I soo naive to even get into that stuff

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Now I often ask myself how was

I soo naive to even get into that stuff

 

 

Don't feel bad, Leaf. We live and we learn. I'm more than twice your age and it still happens. I got invited to church by a relative I seldom see and barely know. I wanted to get to know this person and his wife better so I accepted the invitation. Heard a "moving" sermon but I knew not to allow myself to get drawn in emotionally. All the same, when these relatives found out that I don't accept the Plan of Salvation, the relationship turned nasty. The way I look at it is that we have to explore things. I'm not sorry for the good evening I had; I am only sorry for the bad ending.

 

I don't regret being honest about my beliefs, even if that is where things turned unfriendly. I feel betrayed that their love was conditional. But I can never blame people for getting drawn in by this kind of religion. It's so subtle, so insiduous. These people have honed their evangelical skills to high perfection. They are better at "fishing for men" than fishermen are at fishing creatures out of the water. I commend you for being aware enough of life and others to recognize that there is something "not right" about the situation. I am always amazed when I read these testimonies at how people do their own thinking.

 

There is absolutely NO help from the church in this. There is extreme pressure to keep people blind. Yet in spite of all this, people of all ages and walks of life "wake up" to the truth and reality of the situation. I find that one of the biggest miracles of this life. So don't feel bad for getting drawn in; applaud yourself for getting OUT!

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Well my story is one of "how did All us youth males struggled

in these areas and I am sure many who write here also felt guilty as Christians for these sexual sins. I would also notice pastors, youth pastors , faculty members of the Church and college who were greedy, sinning, had evil spirits, lustful, money grubbing, or those in high power who would also be struggling with sin and getting re-saved.So this was the road I was on..and I was unhappy and poor.

 

I came to realize at the end of my christianity, that the people who didn't seem to struggle were considered saints and made leaders.

 

I also realized that the reason why they didn't struggle was that they had given in to sin, in secret of course. While the rest of us pious souls were trying so hard to be holy, the leaders were having affairs, sleeping with their girlfriends, drinking beer and wine, and being happy. Of course they were peaceful and struggle free. They were not struggling at all!

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At my work there are about 3 men in their 50's who are going through the Christian thing. I'm still in my twenties. I look at them and think to myself, "I went through as a teenager what they are going through at 40 and 50 and I've already come out of it, while they have yet to". Not to be prideful, but it's a good feeling that I'm 30 years ahead of them. Imagine some of the people that deconverted after retirement. They literally gave their entire lives to Christianity. Now they can never get them back. I don't know how old you are, but you sound young. You have you're whole life ahead of you. Your dreams can still be realized. And if they've been lost, you have times to dream up new ones. So can I. Isn't that great?

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