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My Story Beyond Christianity


Jennifer
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I'm not real sure how to start this. I will apologize now for any grammatical or spelling errors that occur.

 

My grandparents raised me to be the model Christian. They had me in church from the time I was 15 months old all the way up to the time I left home. I was involved in all the youth groups, but I never felt comfortable enough to tell others how to get "saved". I felt that it was a personal choice for a person to make. I started noticing all the hypocrisy in the church when I was around 12 years old. Our church broke up because of some things that were said. It never got back to normal. We were one of the largest churches in that town and then we went to having a total of maybe 20 members.

 

I had a member of that church criticize me for, of all things, having yellow teeth. That was the start of me really not liking the people in that church.

 

By the time I was 17, I had stopped going to church altogether. It just wasn't that important to me. I felt that religion was hypocritical and that the bible was my link to God, not what a preacher told me. I held this view all the way up to when I was 21. Then the worst thing possible happened to me. I lost my first son to a stillbirth. I carried him to full-term. I had the so-called Christians tell me that God had a reason, or that I was not the Christian I should have been and I was being punished. That made me turn my back on Christianity altogether-- no Bible, no church, nothing. I wanted nothing to do with any of it if God was that mean-spirited as to punish an innocent baby for the sins of it's mother.

 

As if that wasn't bad enough, when I was 25, something happened again. My grandmother passed away. She was a charter member of the church I grew up in. She and three other couples started that church in someone's living room. You would think that as such a pillar of their church, they would have some respect for her. She was sick from October until February when she passed away. I can count on one hand all the church members that came to visit her. The preacher himself only came twice. That was pretty pathetic. As a result, I am so pissed off at those people. They didn't take into account that a lot of those people she had known for 40+ years and it had nothing to do with whether or not she went to church with them. Just a little respect, please.

 

Starting a few years ago, I began questioning my philosophy on life. I figured that there had to be something more out there because not all things can be explained by science. I started on a personal journey to explore all religions and to try to make sense of what they teach. I have studied Judaism, Muslim, and even into the occult, and witchcraft, paganism, Wicca. None of those hold the answer for me. When I told my family that I was studying Wicca, I was told that I was going to Hell because the Bible condemns witchcraft. My aunt told me this, the one who has not picked up a Bible or been to church since she, herself, was a teenager. The typical hypocritical Christian response to gaining knowledge.

 

I do not believe in the Bible or that there is this one all-powerful deity. He seems pretty mean-spirited to me. I don't believe that Jesus was divine. I think that, if he even existed at all, he was just a man, a rebel who caused a lot of problems. I don't have all the answers, but I do just roll my eyes at the fundamental Christians. I have read too much and watched too many documentaries to believe anything in the Bible.

 

Anyway, this is my take on it. I don't know everything, but that is why am studying things. I believe in solid, verifiable historical fact.

 

 

Ft. Hood

Texas

U.S.

Joined: Really young

Left: 25

Was: Christian (non-denominational)

Now: Agnostic, at best

Converted because: My grandparents took me to church as a child, so I was raised in the faith.

De-converted because: too many reasons to count

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Jen..

Wow can I relate to you! I have seen many time in the Fundy church I wsa in your story in repeate...The part of when bad things happen...that is classic. I remember a 15 year old girl in a church I was in was rapped and the church told her it was becasue she was not a Christian..becuase if she was saved God would have not let that happen...UNREAL!! And sad.

Alsodont feel you are alone now since you left the faith..Their are many of us so called backslidders..you'll be amazed and you'll also get lots of support by us..even more so then you found in the church and I also notice many of us are not so judemental.

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Welcome, Jennifer.

 

I agree with you; christians are some of the most cruel, judgemental, hypocritical people on earth. Anything but loving.

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Welcome, Jennifer.

 

I agree with you; christians are some of the most cruel, judgemental, hypocritical people on earth. Anything but loving.

 

 

I believe I am a more morally upright, newly discovered atheist than most xtians I know. Its so relieving to expose and live the xtian, religion concept for the total garbage it is!

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I'm sorry to hear about all the negative examples of Christians you all have experienced; I guess I got lucky. I did go to one church for a while that was a looney bin that still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but for the majority of my Christian life the people in my church were genuinely loving and supportive... and this was in a fundamental Baptist church. The people were great, it's their god I had problems with.

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My condolences on the stillbirth. My firstborn was a stillborn back in 2000, and I totally agree with you that Christians don't get it and say some pretty hurtful things in the process. I've come to peace with what happened but I know how hard it can be. People kept trying to blame me for "doing something" to kill William when I tried very hard to be a good mother. You probably know that drill.

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My condolences on the stillbirth. My firstborn was a stillborn back in 2000, and I totally agree with you that Christians don't get it and say some pretty hurtful things in the process. I've come to peace with what happened but I know how hard it can be. People kept trying to blame me for "doing something" to kill William when I tried very hard to be a good mother. You probably know that drill.

 

 

 

Thank you, Gaura. That was a very hard time in my life and the things "Christians" said to me will probably haunt me forever. Even though I lost Jonathan 10 years ago, it's still very hard for me because I think about what could have been, but wasn't. I don't think I'll ever fully get over losing him. I don't think anyone else really blamed me for "doing something" as much as I looked at every single thing that I did while I was pregnant and still blamed myself. I know now that if he would have lived, he would have been severely brain damaged and probably wouldn't have lived past the first few days anyway. Anyway, thanks again. If you need to talk, I can listen.

 

 

 

Thank you to everyone else who has replied. It's good to see the support I have gotten already from this site. I am grateful to all of you.

 

 

 

Jennifer

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Thank you, Gaura. That was a very hard time in my life and the things "Christians" said to me will probably haunt me forever. Even though I lost Jonathan 10 years ago, it's still very hard for me because I think about what could have been, but wasn't. I don't think I'll ever fully get over losing him. I don't think anyone else really blamed me for "doing something" as much as I looked at every single thing that I did while I was pregnant and still blamed myself. I know now that if he would have lived, he would have been severely brain damaged and probably wouldn't have lived past the first few days anyway. Anyway, thanks again. If you need to talk, I can listen.

 

Hi Jennifer and welcome! I KNOW what you mean about being haunted by what the Christians say. I've never had a child so I can't identify with that so much but I am finding ways to make peace with the awfully painful treatment I've experienced at the hands (mouths) of Christians. I don't want to push unsolicited advice but if you want to talk about it I'm willing to share what works for me either here or on pm. Let me know if you want to talk.

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