neuro Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 If there was any place where I felt comfort, it is here. You don't have to read the whole thing, I just needed to have a place to shout my story: I just recently broke up with a girlfriend of about 9 months. I've had 1, 3, and 7 year relationships, but none of them have been as wonderful as my recent ex. She went above and beyond anything and everything. Stepping back, she was perfect; except for one thing: Christianity. Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sundays, and sometimes Saturday. She was really into community. I was so stoked to find such a great girl that I was even willing to go to her church on Sunday. That proved to be a mistake, as the pastors hardly made any sense. I chose a new church on my terms that turned out to be more logical in its delivery, however I was not convinced. I read CS Lewis' Mere Christianity and I was still not convinced. I was even prodded to go to a small group for sceptics, and it didn't do anything for me. I have a deep past with many people trying the same tricks to get me to go to church and to study the bible. None of this was new except finding a great and understanding pastor. Throughout our relationship, we entered into heavy debate. She would also cite that the small things didn't matter if you looked at the 'bigger picture.' This, of course, was amongst other things she would say: "I could then share so much more with you. It's something I live and die for. I want this for all of my friends and family. I've already seen a life without Jesus. You could be gaining so much more. It's good for the both of us" She would always end up crying after the debate. She was presumptious, and her debates would also have the tone of someone condescending. I hated it, but I loved her enough to feel guilty and to put effort into "opening myself up to the idea that god may exist'. In actuality, she was speaking more about asking me to convert, because utlimately she would not marry someone who was not a christian. Time passed, and our debates heated up. I realized that my intentions to learn more about christianity wasn't for her anymore, but about finding reasons not to believe. During the time spent, I found more and more fault with the church, the bible, and general logicall deduction, as I began to seriously question Noah, Moses, Jesus, the holy trinity, good and evil, justice, etc. I didn't have the answers, but I really didn't think Christianity was the solution. Just for the record, this isn't the first time where I was "challenged" or confronted with Christianity in all my life. Due to her ultimatum about a husband who needed to be Christian, I made the difficult decision to remove her from my life for the sake of being honest and fair to her. She would not accept the fact that although I loved her, I could not love her enough to convert. She wouldn't take NO for an answer, but only because she didn't understand that I wouldn't even convert for my mother if she was in her death bed asking me to do so. After finding ex-christian.net, I have come to the realization that I did the absolute right thing. It is because of this site, that I actually feel confident about my actions, and back to a genuinely healthy life. There's a lot of stuff I've omitted, the jist is there. Thanks to the webmaster and the blog for making this a smooth and comforting transition. -Alfred Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Welcome to EX-C neuro! Sorry about the break-up, but I'm happy that you couldn't compromise who you are to appease someone else. By the way it sounds she could only commit to you if you had a particular ideology, and that makes for hard times ahead. I look forward to seeing you post more!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowlion Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 this place is REALLY nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neuro Posted September 26, 2006 Author Share Posted September 26, 2006 Welcome to EX-C neuro! Sorry about the break-up, but I'm happy that you couldn't compromise who you are to appease someone else. By the way it sounds she could only commit to you if you had a particular ideology, and that makes for hard times ahead. I look forward to seeing you post more!! thanks japedo. It's so Ironic. How I hear christians claim that knowing Jesus/God brings down exclusionary practices and brings people together, but has ultimately separated me from someone I really cared for; not to mention the larger implications of war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 You absolutely did the right thing. I was in a similar position with a believer a few years ago, but he beat me to the punch and dumped me for being apostate first. It sucked ass. Religion is only as much of a block as people make of it. The sad truth is that some people *will* just make it a block, denying beautiful things like love in the interest of being doctrinally sound. Hang in there, and welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorena Rodriguez Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 Jesus, "loves you unconditionally," but she couldn't huh! Her loss. It sounds like you are a great guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeydid Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 It's always hard to maintain a relationship with anyone who insists you accept all of their beliefs and opinions as fact. Be it religion or politics or pizza toppings. For any relationship to work the people involved have to understand that each person is an individual and has a right to their own thoughts and feelings. There is always a lot of give and take. I am sorry you lost someone, but I am glad you found us here. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 If there was any place where I felt comfort, it is here. You don't have to read the whole thing, I just needed to have a place to shout my story: This is very painful and I am sorry for you. Your alternative seemed to be to pretend to convert. If you couldn't do that it has to be appreciated. You were truthful and honest and I am sure you will find the right girl. Never compromise true convictions. Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknowing1 Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 Welcome Neuro. I am sorry for the pain you have gone through. Not to minimize what you have gone through, I do congratulate you. I truly believe that to have tried to live your life pretending to believe something you don't in order to make someone else happy would only cause you constant conflict, turmoil and anguish. While I truly believe that you give and take in a relationship giving up this part of you is way too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neuro Posted September 27, 2006 Author Share Posted September 27, 2006 thanks everyone.. :sniff sniff:. I have to admit, you're only hearing it from my side, and the conversations got real deep and complicated. However to spare everyone the details, it all boils down to her convictions that she would not compromise on and neither would I. talk about painful and excruciating; this was hands down the hardest decision i've ever made in my life. thanks again everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorena Rodriguez Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 thanks everyone.. :sniff sniff:. I have talk about painful and excruciating; this was hands down the hardest decision i've ever made in my life. thanks again everyone Neuro, Being left by someone in the name of jesus is difficult. Not as difficult but also hard is to live with someone who accepts you, loves you, but wants to follow jesus. My husband seldom misses church on Sunday, so I am alone on Sundays. He gives about $600 /month to the church, which I hate. I particularly hate the fact that he gives money to local missionaries who drive nice cars and have a nice life. It is very lonely to live with a christian when you are not one. So you really were between a rock and a hard place. Either decision would have brought painful consequences. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGiant Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Good that you were honest enough with eachother to realize that you both had to look elswhere, the breakup still sucks, though. Welcome to the madhouse, neuro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neuro Posted September 29, 2006 Author Share Posted September 29, 2006 Good that you were honest enough with eachother to realize that you both had to look elswhere, the breakup still sucks, though. Welcome to the madhouse, neuro. thanks BG, i'm surprised to find myself in this forum as much as I am in my car enthusiast forum. I wasn't aware of how much passion I had until my ex had confronted me to do some "soul searching." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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