Ex-christian Struggles

[supergoalie1617]

If anybody actually reads this entire thing, thank you. It is very personal, and difficult for me to post this, but I need to talk about it, even if it's just on a forum, to see what others think and to gain a new perspective on these problems if I can. This is taken directly out of a document I typed up a week ago while allowing myself to dwell on the past too much. Any responses at all would be appreciated.

 

It all started with her. I wouldn't say that it was her fault 100%, but I would definitely say my experience with her started the change in me. For months I prayed to God (you know, the same one who never leaves or forsakes us?) that we would get back together. I felt like I couldn't live without her. It affected my life, both at work and socially. I thought God was testing me, and that if I responded appropriately he would bring us back together, or at the very least comfort me and help me move on. I got myself involved in a homeless ministry (partly because I wanted to show God I'm not only maintaining my faith in Him, but I'm trying to draw even closer to Him through service, and partly because I enjoyed helping others and got my own reward out of it), I bought several bible study guides that focused on themes in the bible (study to show thyself approved, right?) and went through several of those. I kept going to the the church where I met her, but everytime I went there, I thought of her again. It got so bad that I couldn't stand to go anymore. I remember several nights driving home from church crying like a prissy little baby, wondering why God wasn't helping me through this difficult time, thinking He hated me or was ignoring me. I kept telling myself it was just a test, and I should press on. I kept praying and praying, and kept losing more and more faith. I got to the point where I wanted to intentionally sin just so I could get a reaction out of God, just to see if He's even paying attention to me in the first place. I never did anything like that of course, but the thought was there. As I kept leaning on God more and more, I started slipping more and more. It caused a lot of mental stress, thinking there was a God who cared about me and promised to never leave or forsake His people, yet I felt He had left and forsaken me. Was something wrong with me? Was there some horrid sin in my life I didn't realize I was doing? I didn't even care if I got back with her anymore, I just wanted the heartache to stop. I didn't even understand why it was bothering me so much to begin with, but it was. It drives me nuts, why the f*** is she on my mind so much??? As my faith started to fall into the danger zone, I started looking at other aspects of the bible. I don't want to get into that, because I'd just be going over arguments and contradictions that have been argued a thousand times for hundreds of years by millions of people. I remember the last verse I read before I gave up 100%. It talked about being a virgin, it was a parable in one of the gospels, Matthew I think. I had lost my virginity before marriage, and felt very guilty about it. I was already feeling like God didn't care about me. Reading that made me feel worse. I started to think that God really didn't care, that I was such a failure in His eyes He would never allow me to be happy, much less be a shoulder for me to lean on. But that's not true is it? God loves all His people, God is a rock and a fortress for those who lean on Him. But God wasn't there for me. So either A: God has some special vendetta against me, and doesn't care about me.... or B: God does not exist. The latter choice seemed more accurate, plus when I stopped leaning on "God" I started thinking about her less and less. It still hurts if I dwell on it even to this day, but not like it used to. I was about to move back to norcal to live with my dad. I was between a rock and a hard place. I knew telling him about my doubting of my faith would upset him, to say the least. I decided not to tell him, at least for the time being. I moved in with him. One day while driving to work, (long story short) he told me I could tell him anything, and nothing would shock or change him. I asked him if I could tell him something that would stay in the car. He said yes. I think I said something like "I'm not really that christian anymore". He didn't seem to terribly bothered by this, so I thought I made the right choice telling him. Boy was I wrong. We had a few talks about our differences in faith. One day he said he had iniquity living in his house, and that by talking to me he was casting his pearls before swine. Iniquity is sin. Sin is evil. My dad told me I am evil swine. Any doubts I had about my faith were fueled 100 fold by that. This Jesus character preaches love one minute, then talks about how he wants to set mother against daughter and father against son the next. Congrats Jesus, my dad thinks I'm evil swime because of you. So not only does God not help me when I needed Him earlier, now my earthly dad doesn't think to highly of me anymore either. And to top it off, I find out my church is spying on my myspace profile to make sure I say things like "I like Jesus" and "I'm a christian". I had agnostic as my religion, and I got a firm talking to about it. I had a talk with my pastor about why I don't believe in the bible. I shared my beliefs, but I'm only going to get so far when talking to a man with a Ph.D in theology. We talked about "contradictions" in the bible, the history of the bible, ect... The pastor closed his bible when he were talking and said that I can't read two different verses and say they're contradictions, I must read the bible as a whole. Great defense mechanism, huh? So if one verse says 1+1=2 and another in a different book says 1+1=479823745298, it's not a contradiction because we must read the bible as a whole. If something appears contradictory, then we're just not studying enough. When I think about it now, it really doesn't matter if there are contradictions in the bible or not. It just doesn't matter. Plenty in contradiction-free books have been written, so what? All I know if that my life experiences starting in mid january of the year 2006 was enough to show me the bible is not true. And if it is, then why should I continue to subjet myself to an apparantely loving God who can't do something as simple as comfort me? Is that so much to ask? I didn't ask for super powers, a million dollars, all the women in the world, ect... I asked for his comfort and for His loving arms to embrace Me in a very difficult time in my life.. That's it. He doesn't want to do that? Then (assuming He exists in the first place which I find doubtful at best) I don't want to serve Him. The bible says that if a man asked His father for bread, would the father give him a stone? Of course not. Now I don't want anybody who reads this to think I am pitying myself. I'm simply showing you why I don't believe in the bible anymore. No, I don't think God has a personal vendetta against me, that's totally ridiculous. He would have to exist in order to hate me, which He doesn't.

 

 

I'm going to therapy sessions now to help deal with these problems. So much for God not giving us more than we can handle.

 

 

Also to add, the girl I mentioned called me a few weeks ago wanting to talk, asking how my walk with God is going, ect... and asked me to call her back when I was finished moving (I was about to move cross-country), and she also e-mailed me the other day to see how things were going, but I never called her back when I moved, and I haven't responded to the e-mail. She has pictures up on her myspace account of her getting baptized and how happy she looks. It kills me knowing no matter what I could never get her back anyways due to the difference in beliefs. I feel so stupid talking about her like that, like I can't live without her, blah blah blah, it's ridiculous. But especially after the instance with my dad and pastor, I want to get Christianity as far away from me as possible.

[SkepticOfBible]

Welcome to the forum

 

Love can make you do crazy things.

 

I hope we can provide you with a good support system. I believe you have come to the right place.

 

All I can say man, it's time to move on and not dwell on the past. We may not escape it, but we can certainly make our future better. As I have learned in life, sometimes if you don't get what you desire, then maybe it's for the best. You can only fight to the best of your abilities. Doing more would only harm you

 

Keep it strong there buddy. You'll get through this phase of life.

 

Cya

 

Skeptic

[mick]

Don't take this the wrong way. I am only being direct because I am work.

 

Not being a CHristian any more for me, has nothing to do with life falling apart or being great. That stuff is all irrelevant really.

 

What matters is that if the Bible is true, then the universe is cooked, most of humanity will be fucking TORTURED FOREVER, etc. Nothing matters compared to the attrocity of it being true if it were. Losing girl friends, etc, don't compare. yes, that crap is painful. I was in love with a girl when I was 17 who loved someone else. I never thought I could ever get over it, blah, blah, blah.

 

The real issue is if there is an Omnipotent, Omni-benevolent God than how could evens like 6 year old girls getting EEE from mosquitos, or getting tortured raped and killed by pervs happen. How could the holocaust happen. How could 99 % of all human critters go to fire and torment and suffering FOREVER!!!! ANd worse, how could the Bible be true? The drowing of the entire planet? The genocide of children over and over by God's command? The stoning to death of virutally everyone for sins in ancient Isreal by the Lord's command?

 

The bottom line is, If I were I Ominpotent, every child rape, every holocaust, every murder, every EEE, every weeping person with a sicj child, etc would be completely spared, and I'm basically a shit, not Omni-benevolent at all.

 

I don't mean to blast your post. But losing girlfriends and stuff matter not when it comes to reject this religion. I was in it for 17 yeats byt th way. I'm still in it, due to family situation. Consider yourself lucky to be free.

 

If anybody actually reads this entire thing, thank you. It is very personal, and difficult for me to post this, but I need to talk about it, even if it's just on a forum, to see what others think and to gain a new perspective on these problems if I can. This is taken directly out of a document I typed up a week ago while allowing myself to dwell on the past too much. Any responses at all would be appreciated.

 

It all started with her. I wouldn't say that it was her fault 100%, but I would definitely say my experience with her started the change in me. For months I prayed to God (you know, the same one who never leaves or forsakes us?) that we would get back together. I felt like I couldn't live without her. It affected my life, both at work and socially. I thought God was testing me, and that if I responded appropriately he would bring us back together, or at the very least comfort me and help me move on. I got myself involved in a homeless ministry (partly because I wanted to show God I'm not only maintaining my faith in Him, but I'm trying to draw even closer to Him through service, and partly because I enjoyed helping others and got my own reward out of it), I bought several bible study guides that focused on themes in the bible (study to show thyself approved, right?) and went through several of those. I kept going to the the church where I met her, but everytime I went there, I thought of her again. It got so bad that I couldn't stand to go anymore. I remember several nights driving home from church crying like a prissy little baby, wondering why God wasn't helping me through this difficult time, thinking He hated me or was ignoring me. I kept telling myself it was just a test, and I should press on. I kept praying and praying, and kept losing more and more faith. I got to the point where I wanted to intentionally sin just so I could get a reaction out of God, just to see if He's even paying attention to me in the first place. I never did anything like that of course, but the thought was there. As I kept leaning on God more and more, I started slipping more and more. It caused a lot of mental stress, thinking there was a God who cared about me and promised to never leave or forsake His people, yet I felt He had left and forsaken me. Was something wrong with me? Was there some horrid sin in my life I didn't realize I was doing? I didn't even care if I got back with her anymore, I just wanted the heartache to stop. I didn't even understand why it was bothering me so much to begin with, but it was. It drives me nuts, why the f*** is she on my mind so much??? As my faith started to fall into the danger zone, I started looking at other aspects of the bible. I don't want to get into that, because I'd just be going over arguments and contradictions that have been argued a thousand times for hundreds of years by millions of people. I remember the last verse I read before I gave up 100%. It talked about being a virgin, it was a parable in one of the gospels, Matthew I think. I had lost my virginity before marriage, and felt very guilty about it. I was already feeling like God didn't care about me. Reading that made me feel worse. I started to think that God really didn't care, that I was such a failure in His eyes He would never allow me to be happy, much less be a shoulder for me to lean on. But that's not true is it? God loves all His people, God is a rock and a fortress for those who lean on Him. But God wasn't there for me. So either A: God has some special vendetta against me, and doesn't care about me.... or B: God does not exist. The latter choice seemed more accurate, plus when I stopped leaning on "God" I started thinking about her less and less. It still hurts if I dwell on it even to this day, but not like it used to. I was about to move back to norcal to live with my dad. I was between a rock and a hard place. I knew telling him about my doubting of my faith would upset him, to say the least. I decided not to tell him, at least for the time being. I moved in with him. One day while driving to work, (long story short) he told me I could tell him anything, and nothing would shock or change him. I asked him if I could tell him something that would stay in the car. He said yes. I think I said something like "I'm not really that christian anymore". He didn't seem to terribly bothered by this, so I thought I made the right choice telling him. Boy was I wrong. We had a few talks about our differences in faith. One day he said he had iniquity living in his house, and that by talking to me he was casting his pearls before swine. Iniquity is sin. Sin is evil. My dad told me I am evil swine. Any doubts I had about my faith were fueled 100 fold by that. This Jesus character preaches love one minute, then talks about how he wants to set mother against daughter and father against son the next. Congrats Jesus, my dad thinks I'm evil swime because of you. So not only does God not help me when I needed Him earlier, now my earthly dad doesn't think to highly of me anymore either. And to top it off, I find out my church is spying on my myspace profile to make sure I say things like "I like Jesus" and "I'm a christian". I had agnostic as my religion, and I got a firm talking to about it. I had a talk with my pastor about why I don't believe in the bible. I shared my beliefs, but I'm only going to get so far when talking to a man with a Ph.D in theology. We talked about "contradictions" in the bible, the history of the bible, ect... The pastor closed his bible when he were talking and said that I can't read two different verses and say they're contradictions, I must read the bible as a whole. Great defense mechanism, huh? So if one verse says 1+1=2 and another in a different book says 1+1=479823745298, it's not a contradiction because we must read the bible as a whole. If something appears contradictory, then we're just not studying enough. When I think about it now, it really doesn't matter if there are contradictions in the bible or not. It just doesn't matter. Plenty in contradiction-free books have been written, so what? All I know if that my life experiences starting in mid january of the year 2006 was enough to show me the bible is not true. And if it is, then why should I continue to subjet myself to an apparantely loving God who can't do something as simple as comfort me? Is that so much to ask? I didn't ask for super powers, a million dollars, all the women in the world, ect... I asked for his comfort and for His loving arms to embrace Me in a very difficult time in my life.. That's it. He doesn't want to do that? Then (assuming He exists in the first place which I find doubtful at best) I don't want to serve Him. The bible says that if a man asked His father for bread, would the father give him a stone? Of course not. Now I don't want anybody who reads this to think I am pitying myself. I'm simply showing you why I don't believe in the bible anymore. No, I don't think God has a personal vendetta against me, that's totally ridiculous. He would have to exist in order to hate me, which He doesn't.

 

 

I'm going to therapy sessions now to help deal with these problems. So much for God not giving us more than we can handle.

 

 

Also to add, the girl I mentioned called me a few weeks ago wanting to talk, asking how my walk with God is going, ect... and asked me to call her back when I was finished moving (I was about to move cross-country), and she also e-mailed me the other day to see how things were going, but I never called her back when I moved, and I haven't responded to the e-mail. She has pictures up on her myspace account of her getting baptized and how happy she looks. It kills me knowing no matter what I could never get her back anyways due to the difference in beliefs. I feel so stupid talking about her like that, like I can't live without her, blah blah blah, it's ridiculous. But especially after the instance with my dad and pastor, I want to get Christianity as far away from me as possible.

 

 

Dude,

 

I just read your post again and think I was too harsh. Didn't read the whole thing anyway. Just be thankful you are not already married to her. Don't worry. That religion is preposterous, and I was a bible believer for 17 years!

 

Think if it this way. When you were a CHristian, you probably though a Jehova Witness was fucking nuts, or a Branch Davidian or something. A fundy Christian is just as wrong, believe me. Would you want ot have been married to a JW? BTW, relationships seem like magic when they are young. They take tons of hard work and are far less than magic long term. Don't you relaize that the divorce rate is like 55% now? It's higher in the Church as well BTW. You need to heal dude. So do I.

 

I can only hope for the day when I can openly no longer go to church, and be honest about why. I want peopl to know but can't right now.

 

Don't take this the wrong way. I am only being direct because I am work.

 

Not being a CHristian any more for me, has nothing to do with life falling apart or being great. That stuff is all irrelevant really.

 

What matters is that if the Bible is true, then the universe is cooked, most of humanity will be fucking TORTURED FOREVER, etc. Nothing matters compared to the attrocity of it being true if it were. Losing girl friends, etc, don't compare. yes, that crap is painful. I was in love with a girl when I was 17 who loved someone else. I never thought I could ever get over it, blah, blah, blah.

 

The real issue is if there is an Omnipotent, Omni-benevolent God than how could evens like 6 year old girls getting EEE from mosquitos, or getting tortured raped and killed by pervs happen. How could the holocaust happen. How could 99 % of all human critters go to fire and torment and suffering FOREVER!!!! ANd worse, how could the Bible be true? The drowing of the entire planet? The genocide of children over and over by God's command? The stoning to death of virutally everyone for sins in ancient Isreal by the Lord's command?

 

The bottom line is, If I were I Ominpotent, every child rape, every holocaust, every murder, every EEE, every weeping person with a sicj child, etc would be completely spared, and I'm basically a shit, not Omni-benevolent at all.

 

I don't mean to blast your post. But losing girlfriends and stuff matter not when it comes to reject this religion. I was in it for 17 yeats byt th way. I'm still in it, due to family situation. Consider yourself lucky to be free.

 

If anybody actually reads this entire thing, thank you. It is very personal, and difficult for me to post this, but I need to talk about it, even if it's just on a forum, to see what others think and to gain a new perspective on these problems if I can. This is taken directly out of a document I typed up a week ago while allowing myself to dwell on the past too much. Any responses at all would be appreciated.

 

It all started with her. I wouldn't say that it was her fault 100%, but I would definitely say my experience with her started the change in me. For months I prayed to God (you know, the same one who never leaves or forsakes us?) that we would get back together. I felt like I couldn't live without her. It affected my life, both at work and socially. I thought God was testing me, and that if I responded appropriately he would bring us back together, or at the very least comfort me and help me move on. I got myself involved in a homeless ministry (partly because I wanted to show God I'm not only maintaining my faith in Him, but I'm trying to draw even closer to Him through service, and partly because I enjoyed helping others and got my own reward out of it), I bought several bible study guides that focused on themes in the bible (study to show thyself approved, right?) and went through several of those. I kept going to the the church where I met her, but everytime I went there, I thought of her again. It got so bad that I couldn't stand to go anymore. I remember several nights driving home from church crying like a prissy little baby, wondering why God wasn't helping me through this difficult time, thinking He hated me or was ignoring me. I kept telling myself it was just a test, and I should press on. I kept praying and praying, and kept losing more and more faith. I got to the point where I wanted to intentionally sin just so I could get a reaction out of God, just to see if He's even paying attention to me in the first place. I never did anything like that of course, but the thought was there. As I kept leaning on God more and more, I started slipping more and more. It caused a lot of mental stress, thinking there was a God who cared about me and promised to never leave or forsake His people, yet I felt He had left and forsaken me. Was something wrong with me? Was there some horrid sin in my life I didn't realize I was doing? I didn't even care if I got back with her anymore, I just wanted the heartache to stop. I didn't even understand why it was bothering me so much to begin with, but it was. It drives me nuts, why the f*** is she on my mind so much??? As my faith started to fall into the danger zone, I started looking at other aspects of the bible. I don't want to get into that, because I'd just be going over arguments and contradictions that have been argued a thousand times for hundreds of years by millions of people. I remember the last verse I read before I gave up 100%. It talked about being a virgin, it was a parable in one of the gospels, Matthew I think. I had lost my virginity before marriage, and felt very guilty about it. I was already feeling like God didn't care about me. Reading that made me feel worse. I started to think that God really didn't care, that I was such a failure in His eyes He would never allow me to be happy, much less be a shoulder for me to lean on. But that's not true is it? God loves all His people, God is a rock and a fortress for those who lean on Him. But God wasn't there for me. So either A: God has some special vendetta against me, and doesn't care about me.... or B: God does not exist. The latter choice seemed more accurate, plus when I stopped leaning on "God" I started thinking about her less and less. It still hurts if I dwell on it even to this day, but not like it used to. I was about to move back to norcal to live with my dad. I was between a rock and a hard place. I knew telling him about my doubting of my faith would upset him, to say the least. I decided not to tell him, at least for the time being. I moved in with him. One day while driving to work, (long story short) he told me I could tell him anything, and nothing would shock or change him. I asked him if I could tell him something that would stay in the car. He said yes. I think I said something like "I'm not really that christian anymore". He didn't seem to terribly bothered by this, so I thought I made the right choice telling him. Boy was I wrong. We had a few talks about our differences in faith. One day he said he had iniquity living in his house, and that by talking to me he was casting his pearls before swine. Iniquity is sin. Sin is evil. My dad told me I am evil swine. Any doubts I had about my faith were fueled 100 fold by that. This Jesus character preaches love one minute, then talks about how he wants to set mother against daughter and father against son the next. Congrats Jesus, my dad thinks I'm evil swime because of you. So not only does God not help me when I needed Him earlier, now my earthly dad doesn't think to highly of me anymore either. And to top it off, I find out my church is spying on my myspace profile to make sure I say things like "I like Jesus" and "I'm a christian". I had agnostic as my religion, and I got a firm talking to about it. I had a talk with my pastor about why I don't believe in the bible. I shared my beliefs, but I'm only going to get so far when talking to a man with a Ph.D in theology. We talked about "contradictions" in the bible, the history of the bible, ect... The pastor closed his bible when he were talking and said that I can't read two different verses and say they're contradictions, I must read the bible as a whole. Great defense mechanism, huh? So if one verse says 1+1=2 and another in a different book says 1+1=479823745298, it's not a contradiction because we must read the bible as a whole. If something appears contradictory, then we're just not studying enough. When I think about it now, it really doesn't matter if there are contradictions in the bible or not. It just doesn't matter. Plenty in contradiction-free books have been written, so what? All I know if that my life experiences starting in mid january of the year 2006 was enough to show me the bible is not true. And if it is, then why should I continue to subjet myself to an apparantely loving God who can't do something as simple as comfort me? Is that so much to ask? I didn't ask for super powers, a million dollars, all the women in the world, ect... I asked for his comfort and for His loving arms to embrace Me in a very difficult time in my life.. That's it. He doesn't want to do that? Then (assuming He exists in the first place which I find doubtful at best) I don't want to serve Him. The bible says that if a man asked His father for bread, would the father give him a stone? Of course not. Now I don't want anybody who reads this to think I am pitying myself. I'm simply showing you why I don't believe in the bible anymore. No, I don't think God has a personal vendetta against me, that's totally ridiculous. He would have to exist in order to hate me, which He doesn't.

 

 

I'm going to therapy sessions now to help deal with these problems. So much for God not giving us more than we can handle.

 

 

Also to add, the girl I mentioned called me a few weeks ago wanting to talk, asking how my walk with God is going, ect... and asked me to call her back when I was finished moving (I was about to move cross-country), and she also e-mailed me the other day to see how things were going, but I never called her back when I moved, and I haven't responded to the e-mail. She has pictures up on her myspace account of her getting baptized and how happy she looks. It kills me knowing no matter what I could never get her back anyways due to the difference in beliefs. I feel so stupid talking about her like that, like I can't live without her, blah blah blah, it's ridiculous. But especially after the instance with my dad and pastor, I want to get Christianity as far away from me as possible.

[riverbank]

Hey, that really sucks about your Dad's attitude towards you. I hope that some day he'll change his opinions. I went through an extremely painful time with my deconversion, but am coming through on the other side, and you will too.

 

Having a forum like this is great because you realise there are people in the same boat.

 

Wishing you the best

Andy

[OnceConvinced]

I can identify with some of what you went through. When my wife and I split up it was pretty hard to take. It made me realise though that just because a couple is a Christian couple, doesn't make their marriage any stronger. God's not going to do anything to help keep it together. It's entirely up to us. It's about what we do or don't do, not what God does or doesn't do. That reasoning helped me to get through that. And it also went a long way in my deconversion process (which I am still in the process of)

 

I can also identify with the rationalisation process you went through. Trying to kid myself that God was testing me and all that sort of stuff, when really it was just "shit happening". I have and still do pray to God, sincerely asking him just for a touch from him, or some kind or revelation (like he used to). But nope, he remains silent. He's not trying to stop the deconversion process in my life.

[sithprincess]

Considering your change of beliefs now, it's a good thing you didn't end up with her. I know this kind of pain, and it hurts deeply. But you'll accept it with time, just because you have to. And, if she's a fundy, I assure you, she would have probably broken it off anyway because of the whole "unequally yoked" bit. So you've probably avoided some pain in the long run. But funny how religion ends up being the all-important thing isn't it? Even if someone is perfect for you, forget them because they're not a CHRISTIAN, and we all know NON-CHRISTIANS are not good enough. Ah, the ways religion screws up our lives...

 

Anyway, be glad you came around. That sucks about your dad, it really does. It amazes me that someone could do that to their child. If you're supposed to love your neighbor as yourself, I would certainly assume you should love your children even more. It's sad. I'm glad you found this site. It's been a lifesaver in many ways for me, and for the others here too. It's a lonely road for those of us surrounded by christian family, and at least we can come here to share our experiences and hear about the experiences of others.

 

Many people here are very knowledgeable, and I've learned a lot just from reading their posts in forums. Antlerman is one, Piprus is another. Don't pass up any of their posts. Others, like me, aren't quite so well-versed, but we're all in this boat together on the same journey. Hope to see you around!

[Taphophilia]

It seems to me that your "problem" is that you are a sane person who was in an insane environment who thought it was normal. You are not the problem, they are.

 

I could be way off here but...

 

I don't know what the relationship was like with your girlfriend, but I would suspect that it gave you some stability in an instable situation. I don't think it was even her that you missed as much as it was the escape that she provided you.

[Naughtyhamster]

When I used to go to church I felt like if something bad happened to me but everything good happening to everyone else meant that god hated me. Now I look back and see that bad things happened to me was either because of plain old bad luck or my own immature behavior. Still once in a while I feel this sad abandoment ( like I felt when I was thinking that god hated me) and all I want to do is cry. It will take awhile for the wounds from the past to heal, so all I can do now is find somebody who understands to talk to such as these people here on this board.

[smellincoffee]

I know how you feel; hope for a stronger relationship with a girl is what kept my head under the water for so long. When she moved away, I realized that the burden of pretense had started to fall off. I still haven't gotten rid of it, but I hope to do so in a matter of months.

[R. S. Martin]

Supergoalie, I read your post before and I read it again. So much in there. You worked your way rationally through the faith strand by strand and you came to a rational conclusion. What really stabs my heart is the way your dad and church treated you. Using your journalling against you is SIN. Frankly, that is a major reason why I have not started posting very personal stuff on the internet.

 

But your dad. He promised. Like my mom did. She promised that I could tell her anything that bothered me. I rather doubted it but I really wanted it to be true. So I tried it out. I made an embarrassing mistake. I wanted to be comforted by her for being so foolish. I told her when no one else was around.

 

In a cold hard voice she told me to think next time before I made such a mistake.

 

That was the last time I trusted my mother.

 

I hope you have a better place to live now.

[Mythra]

Hey supergoalie.

 

Sounds like a tough go you've had there.

 

You're right - your gig with God was a test. And he failed. (just as he did with so many of us also)

 

Too bad your dad is too blinded by his faith to be a human being. Common affliction.

 

The only bright side of this is that you have the opportunity to be something better. Be glad you're finding your way clear of religion early in life.

 

Find a great girl who's first love isn't Jesus.

 

good luck, man.