It Has Begun

[Ramen666]

Today I woke up like any other day, angry and mad. ( come on 6 is to early for me) because I need to go off to school (college). Well this morning I felt sick and got sick and I feel like crap total crap. Then my dad said the morning prayer then as I was getting ready this conversation happend.

 

Mom- You know you should thank God?

 

Me- For what?What do I need to thank God for?

 

Mom- For you transitioning in college fine

 

Me- I don't need to thank him for that I went to Summer Bridge ( A pre college program) thats how I transitioned well.

 

Mom- (shock)

 

Dad- (shock)

 

In car to school

 

Dad- I am worried about you always when God is brought up , you kind of get angry.

 

Me- Really? Haven't noticed that.

 

Dad- Well there is lot to thank God for, like my job it was all God not me

 

Me- ok

 

 

 

From this they know that I don't like talking about religion much, this is not even telling them I am an athesist. They would go insane and snap and cry and do everything. That is why I am trying to reveal it. Because it will totally detroy everyone and I don't want to that really. Somethings are better un said.Thing is when I get home I get to hear it from my mom now.

 

Now to reflect on this conversation-

 

My counter argument, ok God was there FOR ME but what about EVERYONE else he wasn't there for. Like september 11th, hurricane katrina, house fires, The Bible God ordering killings. the great london fire, tusamnis,mayans, african americans, everyone gets the idea.

[Ex-COG]

I'm sure they'd come back with some "reason" all of these things happened, and why God didn't step in and change things, etc.

 

Is your desire simply to let them know that you definitely are an atheist, or do you want to argue the reasons for atheism with them? The latter may be harder than the former, even though, as you said, they may "snap and cry" if you reveal your atheism. You may just have to play it by ear, but I might advise against arguing at this moment. Or... will they not let it drop with a simple "I no longer believe like you do"?

[Ramen666]

UPDATE 1- nothing more came of the argument and was forgotten by time I got home

 

I want to disscuss logic and reason not nessarily say I am athesist ( hell no it would be bad). But just let them know I use reason and logic. That people can do stuff without God. Let them see stupidity in religion.

 

BUT I WILL PLAY IT BY EAR because I wasn't going to let them say Gawd helped me, when I DID IT ON MY OWN WITHOUT GAWD.

[Lorena Rodriguez]

UPDATE 1- nothing more came of the argument and was forgotten by time I got home

 

I want to disscuss logic and reason not nessarily say I am athesist ( hell no it would be bad). But just let them know I use reason and logic. That people can do stuff without God. Let them see stupidity in religion.

 

BUT I WILL PLAY IT BY EAR because I wasn't going to let them say Gawd helped me, when I DID IT ON MY OWN WITHOUT GAWD.

 

Ramen,

 

I am a self-proclaimed closet whimp, so take whatever I say with big grain of salt.

 

I wonder what the purpose of having a logic argument with your parents be. Do you think you can deconvert them? Or do you believe you can get them to understand you?

 

The odds of either are dim. Forgive me if I am wrong, but I think you could stand on your head and they would still not understand you nor agree with you. While you still live at home, you might as well try to be at peace with them. I know it is easier said than done, but I guess you could at least try to keep away from uncomfortable issues. Trying to change their mind isn't worth it. It will just ruin your life.

 

Now, if you think your parents are open minded enough to agree to disagree with you, then it's a different story. I believe that the only way to get along with believers is when both parties agree to disagree.

 

But it is your life. Do whatever feels right.

[All Gods Fail]

BUT I WILL PLAY IT BY EAR because I wasn't going to let them say Gawd helped me, when I DID IT ON MY OWN WITHOUT GAWD.

 

Ramen, you rock - hard!

 

I hate it when god gets the credit for what people did for themselves.

[OnceConvinced]

I don't see any harm in being a closet non-believer. Why upset them by coming out I reckon. Soon you'll be leaving home anyway and it won't be difficult to keep it a secret then.

[mwc]

I have to say I'm a bit mixed on this.

 

On the one hand I have problems "living a lie" in my own life and so if Ramen is anything like me in that regard this little "secret" is likely digging away inside him. The problem is choosing the right time to let it out (and, again, if you're like me you'll choose the worst possible time for some stupid reason).

 

On the other hand, Ramen is young and living and home. This puts a few restraints on him that I didn't have on me when I quit believing and told everyone. I did quit church while at home but I went to a xian school everyday and so my parents let it slide (my primary problem was lack of sleep and I really disliked the hypocrites that attended...not a lack of belief way back then...I was a developing fundie and those people weren't "True" xians). Of course I think you might have some anger towards them since they're still xian and part of the "problem." I can't fault you for that since I feel that way too. Getting in their face won't fix it though. Not at your age for sure. Image some 10 year old getting up in your face talking about old jesus. Would you like that? You wouldn't like it if anyone did it but some young punk would be especially silly. Your parents don't want a lecture from some snot nosed kid who thinks he knows everything...even you. Maybe once you get a few years under your belt they'll be more open but not now. That's just the way life works. They'll just see you as the unbelieving version of our old pal Scott who just blew through here. Is that what you want? I doubt it.

 

So my advice would be to tell them if you simply feel the pressure to keep it in is just too much. Be prepared to deal with everything in their arsenal to convince you otherwise and this could get extremely, family destroying, nasty. By mom broke out crying. She was all upset about me going to hell. She wondered why I hated god so much. Basically I was cast as the bad guy...out of nowhere. She wanted me to see a priest and all sorts of things. Being older I never did. I told her I was too angry to see a priest (I wouldn't want to yell at a man of "god") but I told her that I would give her some of my "issues" and she could ask on my behalf if she wanted to. She agreed, but she shouldn't have. This allowed me to get my thoughts out to her without directly addressing her. I spoke about the true origin of sin (was it in the garden or with Satan in heaven) and the attrocities in the OT. Things like that. After about four hours she had heard enough. She never spoke to the minister about any of it. Anytime she brings it up now I use a similar tactic to deliver more information to her (I tell of something I read about history, archaeolgy or whatever).

 

mwc

[Jeydid]

I have to say, if telling your family will make your home life miserable, I would hold off. I myself came out with it, and not very tactfully I might add. Still I lived with my grandparents at the time. They were Christians but didn't attend Church. They spent several years convinced I was going through a phase. My mother was pretty upset about it, I think her descent into fundism might be a reaction to my atheism at times. Or it might just be her being odd.

 

I would add that if your parents come right out and ask if you believe in God, you might not want to tell a bold faced lie. It is going to come out eventually and you don't want that sort of breach of trust between you.

[Ramen666]

Wow thanks for all the replies I am shocked I got so many.

 

UPDATE 2- Yes I am in college and my parents and me were invited to church. ( A week ago) I said " We better no be gone all day because I got study for a midterm." My dad says church is more important than college. I said " No college is more important than church I have to pass my classes."

 

DAMN IT! I AM SO PISSED OFF AT THAT LOGIC. Right now I am at college. Church is the least important thing even if I was a Christian. College is going to help me in life. Church they want you to believe they are helping you in life. So I am venting. Thanks for your replies. We haven't done church in TWO DAMN YEARS! Now my parents are in a church mood. I am sucking it up but sometimes it goes beyond the line. Today was one of those days again because I AM SO PISSED OFF.

[Lorena Rodriguez]

Hey Ramen,

 

You were right. It has stared. From here, it sounds like your boat is rocking hard.

If you haven't been going to church, there is no need to start now.

 

Stand your ground and try to be strong. It will get better once they realize that they can't change your mind. So for your sake and their sake, be consistent.

 

Example:

I would have no problem accompanying my husband to selected church functions, christmas concerts, or whatever. I will NOT convert back. But I abstain from doing so because that will get his hopes up. It will just hurt him in the end.

 

So even though it may seem mean right now to often say NO to your parents, it is the best you can do.

 

Be well.

[Kurari]

My dad says church is more important than college.

 

That kind of boggles my mind that any parent would think that.

 

I have no idea how to deal with xtian family members since I don't have any. Playing it by ear as you have stated sounds like the wisest course. I wish you the best of luck.

[Ramen666]

Funny thing as if church is more "important" why haven't we gone in 2 years and only on special occasions now? It just pissess me of sometimes.

 

It just makes me mad because I am kind of glad we didn't go to church those two years. Thanks to that I deconverted in that time. Now that I am deconverted I want NOTHING to do with. My cages are starting to be rattled now.

[Amethyst]

I strongly suspect your parents wanting to go to church now is a reaction to your openly questioning their religion. Follow your instincts, stay in college, and good luck on your midterms.

[Mythra]

No one has the right to tell you what to think. Not even parents.

 

When I get cornered by a christian that I was tight with in my former life, and they want to know what I think about God now - I tell em that what I think is my business.

 

A person isn't obligated to lie or to divulge their beliefs just because someone is pressing them.

 

You don't have to start a huge family upheaval by telling your parents you're an atheist. Just tell them you're going to keep your thoughts about religion and God to yourself.

[Ramen666]

I actually am not worried next week there will be no church. It was only because we got invited and my dad doesn't want to hurt his friends feelings. So I don't suspect any more of it, I will give an update later on that issue....

[Ramen666]

UPDATE 3 (which should of been up yesterday)- Blame Game

 

Apparently the reason we donm't go to church, it's because of me. I am being blamed why we don't go to church. My dad said it's my fault.

 

DAD- I am vary concered you never want to go to church

 

Me- Well I have things to do and I would rather stay at home and rest

 

Dad- But if we went out of town you would have no problem

 

Me- ........what?

 

Dad- You are the reason haven't gone

 

Me- Me? So it's may fault you like staying home just like I do to.

 

Dad- No...I have given up on you and that's why we don't go.

 

Me- Why all of a sudden are you blaming me for no reason when you are just as guilty

 

Dad- (silence) Just go....to your room and leave

 

Man nothing has even been said about church in years and it's all of a sudden my fault? God yeah I became an athesist but I never even said a damn thing. My dad must want God not mad at him or something , so make me the reason we don't go. I don't know what's up with my parents this week it has been Christianity vs me all week ever since Monday. Not just at home but everywhere I am getting tired of it.

[mwc]

Sounds like your dad is mad at himself and projecting it onto you. Perhaps he's lost the faith but doesn't have the guts to admit it?

 

Blaming you for his actions, since he's the parent, is pretty damn weak though.

 

mwc

[Amethyst]

It seems to me that he has doubts and is blaming you because you voiced your opinions aloud, and he did not have the courage to. He is an adult, he can drive to church if he wants to. Since you're college age and not a small child who needs to be taken care of, I don't see why you staying home should have any logical bearing on his decision.

[Unknowing1]

It is so easy to blame other people for your own actions or in this case inaction. I think you handled it well. As Amethyst said, he's a big boy and can drive himself if he really wants to go. Whether you go or not should not have a bearing on what he does.

[Guest Ivy Leigh]

Ramen,

 

It sounds like now that you're all grown up, your parents might be freaking out a little bit. In addition, it sounds like you might be an only child? (No pressure there!)

 

All parents kinda freak out when their babies start being independent and making up their own minds about things. Even when those babies are in their 20s. ESPECIALLY when those babies think about religion and to a lesser degree, politics

 

Something that has worked for me in this times: Perhaps when you feel like they're getting into a power struggle with you, it might work to just STOP the struggle on your end. It's hard to have a tug-of-war when one person stops pulling. It sounds like your parents are talking about church, but I think the deeper thing they might be concerned with is that you love and respect them and they haven't lost you. For Something Completely Different, you might try telling them that. "Hey, you know that you've spent 18 years training me. You're GOOD parents. All the morals you've taught me can't fly out the window after a few university classes and you know that! We're bound to have some differences, but being the kind of parents you are, you expect that and respect my right to hold a different opinion about some things."

 

Well, the part about respect might be a LITTLE bit of bullshit, but I found that when I told my parents that they respected my different opinion, that often, they really WOULD respect it! Muhahaha!

 

Ivy

[Ramen666]

Yes I am only child and I don't know how you got that one.

 

Yeah it does get old sometimes and yeah my parents are starting to freak out. You got that one right on the dot. It just so happens it began this week that they are freaking out I guess.

 

I will eventually tell the truth but I don't think now is the right time. I can only lie for so long. Even though I have been atheist for 2 Years already. They will somehow think me going to college has something to do with it.

 

One day I will snap and reveal it, This week I was pretty damn close. Especially the first incident. It could happen in days,weeks or years. Just the thing is MY WHOLE FAMILY in town I am close with would go beserk because a lot of them 99% are crazy fundies. I can play the part as the Christian hate it every time.

 

I don't want to end up like the person is the " Lost Family" thread. That is not what I want to happen.

[Ramen666]

UPDATE 4-DEVELOPING STORY

 

I think you are all right about my dad doubting religion. Just because some things he has said in the last few days. My aunt and uncle and my cousions are real fundy. However I was disscussing Christmas and my dad and I were talking about Spongebob. He said " Well they probably will think he is gay" He was making fun of there fundieness. I said "hmmmm"

 

Another thing me and my dad were discussing ortaments. We came up with absurb ortaments. My mom said " That's dis repecting God" I said " So what it's funny" Usually my dad would defend that but he didn't...

 

Also when some religous nut says something my dad tries to defend them but he realizes he can't. He tried defending Dr. Dobson but he saw the video in question (The spongebob video)" He was scratching his head on that when he found the video.

 

I think my dad is trying not to doubt and it something that is tugging at him. It was like me except I wanted to doubt I wanted to see another side of the stoty. This could be really interesting then I will reveal athesim. Once I know for sure.

 

 

The Church exactly happenm we didn't go to church just like always the last Sunday before this week. It was just a phase.

[Lorena Rodriguez]

I think my dad is trying not to doubt and it something that is tugging at him. It was like me except I wanted to doubt I wanted to see another side of the stoty. This could be really interesting then I will reveal athesim. Once I know for sure.

 

It sounds like your dad is a non-believer who is trying to convince himself that he believes. And he wants you to do the same. He wants you to ignore what your brain is telling you and to profess some sort of belief.

 

Almost like passing on to you the abuse he is inflicting upon himself. I hope that makes some sort of sense.

[Guest kamekaz]

I am in the tenth grade right now and when i told my parents i was atheist they were like oh ok. Like my mom for example said that she dosen't need a church or a book or waste time to go to a "man" made building to go practice some religon. I was like yay lol. Ive benn athiest since the 8th grade. when i was in sixth i just din't care and i probbaly didn't know much about athiesm. For your situation you should leave bigger clues. The other alternative is to go all out and say it because it's not like they'll kill you they'll be like trying to convert back ( which i hate it when those people do that ). I am new to the site.