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Grieving


Kurari
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I had to put my beloved 12 year old minature dachshund to sleep yesterday. He unexpectedly went into heart failure yesterday morning and none of us were sure if treatment was the best option for him. He might have pulled through, he might have not, but it became apperant by the afternoon that vet costs would have made treatment impossible ($600 to $700 for a single DAY to give him oxygen). The vet was very kind and comforted me saying she didn't think I was short changing him if I persued euthinasia.

 

I held him in my arms as he quietly died.

 

I noticed yesterday that I didn't pray at all. This is usually a case where I'd have been praying for guidance for the right decision and I didn't do that at all. I really didn't get to make a right decision, I just had to make a decision. I didn't get any good options. I don't think any of us were ready for him to go (including him), but the vet care would have been impossible to afford and I kind of doubt it would have helped him live for very much longer.

 

I'm feeling very confused. I used to believe in an afterlife and now I'm not so sure. The idea of my dog just being non-existant kind of sickens me. I guess it doesn't matter to him at all one way or another anymore, but having my faith that there was an afterlife was a great comfort to me in times like this and now that's not there anymore.

 

I don't know what to do with myself. He was my world and I wasn't ready to let him go. I feel sick and lost and I'm just trying to get through my grief one minute at a time.

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I had to put my beloved 12 year old minature dachshund to sleep yesterday. He unexpectedly went into heart failure yesterday morning and none of us were sure if treatment was the best option for him. He might have pulled through, he might have not, but it became apperant by the afternoon that vet costs would have made treatment impossible ($600 to $700 for a single DAY to give him oxygen). The vet was very kind and comforted me saying she didn't think I was short changing him if I persued euthinasia.

 

I held him in my arms as he quietly died.

 

I noticed yesterday that I didn't pray at all. This is usually a case where I'd have been praying for guidance for the right decision and I didn't do that at all. I really didn't get to make a right decision, I just had to make a decision. I didn't get any good options. I don't think any of us were ready for him to go (including him), but the vet care would have been impossible to afford and I kind of doubt it would have helped him live for very much longer.

 

I'm feeling very confused. I used to believe in an afterlife and now I'm not so sure. The idea of my dog just being non-existant kind of sickens me. I guess it doesn't matter to him at all one way or another anymore, but having my faith that there was an afterlife was a great comfort to me in times like this and now that's not there anymore.

 

Very touching story, Kurari. Four years ago my Sparkie had to be put to sleep for less justifiable reasons. I moved to town and could not keep a dog. There was no one to look after Sparkie. I had been raised on the farm and I was taught that mature people will kill mere animals in cold blood. I grieved my dog for years. I'd lost more than an animal.

 

I don't know what to do with myself. He was my world and I wasn't ready to let him go. I feel sick and lost and I'm just trying to get through my grief one minute at a time.

 

I had time to prepare. Your grief makes sense in every way. My Sparkie lives on in my memory. I have pictures all over the place, memories of the time and place we lived with each other and kept each other company. Just the other day I remembered how I used to rest on the grass in the yard and my cat and dog would lie down right next to me. They would be close enough for their fur to touch my clothes but not quite close enough for me to feel the pressure of their bodies against mine. Very subtle and very touching.

 

You will get through your grief one minute at a time, one breath at a time. Hanging in there will get you through. You lost more than your world, you lost heaven, too. And yes, it's hell. I don't doubt it for a moment. I've been there, though for a different reason, when the only thing that keeps one alive is taking yet another breath. The survival instinct is very strong. I think that is why suicide is normally violent and done in such a way to foreclose the body's ability to revoke the decision. I don't think a healthy body will stop breathing on its own. So I know you will live to pass THROUGH hell. You will come out on the other side, same as I did for that other thing.

 

Today you are sick, probably physically. That is not surprising, given that you lost your dog=world, plus heaven and hell. If there is no afterlife there is no hell. You lost hell, too.

 

I feel like I'm just rambling. I don't know what to say to help. I just know that you will get through, and that the word "through" is key. Going through means experiencing the bitter dregs, the heat, the dark pits and howling storms. It also means lessening pain, brightening day, happier times, healing.

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Aw, man, I'm so sorry. :( I'm sorry your pup passed, and I'm sorry you had to make a sudden decision like that, and I'm sorry you lost your little wiener dog friend. :( That just sucks all around. :( Sometimes it hurts worse when we lose pets than it does when we lose people, too. I dunno why.

 

I don't know what else to say other than it's okay to grieve for a pet, and hang in there.

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Deepest feelings of condolence, Kurari...I know what you're feeling, it's happened to me too. Our pets are as close to us as family...they ARE family. I always took comfort in the fact that the beloved little dog, cat, etc. lived in a good life of love and care, and I know for sure they felt loved and cared for in their way, for I believe animals have feelings. Perhaps at a different level than people, but feelings just the same. You'll enjoy the memories of the times you had with your little dachsund in this life, and they will come to bring you joy, after the sense of loss has passed.

 

(Those little "wiener dogs" are great, aren't they...)

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My condolences, losing a companion is very hard. It's OK to have feelings of denial or anger or sadness. It's part of grieving process.

 

I balled like a baby when we had to put our cat, Einstien, down a few years ago. She was 16 years and her kidneys failed. We burried her under a pine tree in the back yard. I know she's gone, but I still walk by her grave once and while and remember the funny things she did over the years. We have two new cats now, but they own the kids, not me.

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Guest Praise Jebus

Indeed, I had to part with my dog, shayna, not long ago. It was hard for me as it was the time I really decided I was an athiest and that there was no great dog heaven in the sky or whatever. I still think of her often, and sometimes I feel like I should have played with her more, but she lived a full life, and she suffers no more. I hope you're alright, I know its hard, but you'll pull through, cheers.

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I had to euthanize my Slim a month ago-- I didn't even get to be there when he passed on. The type of cancer he had, the vets don't even let you wake them back up if it's advanced. They just turn up the anesthesia or whatever. Not sure. It's tough, but sometimes you just have to do what has to be done. Slim would have been in severe amounts of pain had we kept him alive.

 

Now Blue seems to have cancer (we think, the diagnosis has been back and forth for weeks but now looks more like bone cancer --osteosarcoma-- than not) and we don't know when it will be her time. Needless to say, we're spoiling her while we can.

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I'm sorry for your loss, Kurari. I once had a dachshund. They are intelligent and incredibly courageous. Heidi used to put German Shepherds on the run. She once killed a groundhog much larger than her; she shook the life out of him, took five minutes.

 

Cat Stevens once wrote a song about his dog:

 

"I love my dog as much as I love you

But you may fade, my dog will always come through.

 

All he asks from me is the food to give him strength

All he ever needs is love and that he knows hell get

 

So, I love my dog as much as I love you

But you may fade, my dog will always come through.

 

All the pay I need comes shining through his eyes

I dont need no cold water to make me realize that

 

I love my dog as much as I love you

But you may fade, my dog will always come through."

 

 

Pets are worthy of our grief. Your dog lives in your heart now.

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Hey, Kurari. I sympathize sincerely for your loss of your dog. Some years ago I had to decide to put my beloved friend my cat Monkey to sleep. I came in the end to think that keeping him alive and suffering was only serving my ends, not his. I wouldn't have wanted him to keep me alive like that, had the roles been reversed.

 

12 years is a good length of time for a miniature, isn't it?

 

I think being friends with someone of another species is a great gift. So losing that one is a real loss. The happy part is all the good years.

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Thanks everyone. The pain is starting to ebb, though I still feel sort of numb and surreal. The good wishes help, and it's good to know so many people who understand what I'm talking about.

 

"I love my dog as much as I love you

But you may fade, my dog will always come through."

 

 

Thanks for sharing this with me Ro-bear, I'll have to look for that song. Unfortunately with the passing of my dog, it was the last of the real family I had. The rest of my family has decided they don't want anything to do with me anymore or want to use me in manipulative ways, but my dog was always there.

 

In a strange way, I find comfort knowing my dog would never have left me behind had he had any choice in the matter.

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Hang in there! We had to put our dog Max to sleep a year ago at age 10 as he was in total organ failure. And 9 years ago we had to put his predecessor, Elwood, to sleep, too, after we had him for 12 years. He was adopted from a shelter and we had no idea how old he was. It is sad to lose a pet. They are truly "fur-persons". It's okay to cry and grieve. They will be in your heart forever.

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I just had to go give my dog some love and a treat. She's 11, and slowing down alot. She had so much enegry as a puppy, and I'm realizing there are more days behind than there are ahead for her. She stayed by me during some rough patches in my life, dogs are great!

 

Sorry for your loss.

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*Hugs*

 

My condolences. Pets can be far better friends than some humans can, which really says a lot about humans.

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and I know how you feel.

 

I had to have my cat, Peter Rotten, put down on February 23, 1997. He had developed congestive heart failure at age 17 the year before then. After undergoing more expensive veternarian care than I could really afford at the time, he seemed to rally and had 10 more good months before the illness came back and it was evident that he needed to be released from his suffering.

 

Now, my current cat Thackerie (yeah, I stole his name to use on this forum) is getting on in years (although he doesn't show any signs of it and still thinks he's a kitten), and I know it's only a matter of time. I hope it's a long time.

 

I sometimes feel sad at the thought that our companion animals live such shorter lives than we do. On the other hand, I take some comfort in thinking that means our normal life span is long enough to allow us to love more than one pet over the course of it.

 

So, when Thackerie (the cat) passes on, I'm sure I'll get another one or two, and maybe another one or two after that if "Thackerie" (the human who couldn't think of a clever screen name) lives so long. But, that doesn't mean I'll love or miss the ones that went before any less. I'll continue to be glad I had them because beloved pets really are life-enriching.

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Jesus, you guys. I come back after a couple of months (new job) and now I'm crying. :( Christ almighty, I'm such a sucker for animals. They are certainly more likeable than people.

 

My sister has a dachshund, and I swear he's the coolest member of the family. Totally fearless and very loving. I hope he has many years left.

 

Take care K.

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These posts make me realize I never really grieved the loss of my animals. There was also a cat. Too much complicated life issues happening at the time. If only I were in a position to get another animal. Just a little one. The squirrels that visit my window well are sort of taking the place of a pet. At least I get to watch animals. And they have learned not to worry so long as I sit at my computer. The same goes for the baby blue jay and parents who spent a few days in my window well. The little critter was so lively I can see why he tumbled out of the nest. I got pictures of him. I figured the neighbourhood cats would have blue jay for supper but it didn't happen. So he stayed until he was strong enough to flutter to the top of the well. He spent the night perched on the wall of the well. The next morning he fluttered away to the patio and we haven't seen him since.

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If I want to make myself cry, I think of a painted sign posted outside in the yard of our county Humane Society. It reads:

 

TO THE MEMORY OF ALL THE ANIMALS FOR WHOM WE COULD NOT FIND HOMES.

 

I too am a sucker for animals. We have two Pug dogs and three mutt cats, two we adopted from the humane society. They are members of the family.

 

Kurari, I feel your pain. On three separate occasions I have held beloved pets while they took their last breaths. It sucks so bad. I just hope you can take solace in the fact that you must have treated your dog like a king, and gave him so much love and the best life possilbe. We spoil our dogs so rotten it just ain't funny. Unfortunately and fortunately we will see the lives of many pets come and go during our lifespan, and we must cherish our furry friends as much as we can while they are with us, and then when enough time has passed you can pick up a new one to love all over again.

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Geez, I've been weeping through all these posts :( And I came back and read some more and the humane society sign has me sniffling all over again.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kurari. Dogs are some of the best friends a person can have. They deserve our love and our grief when we lose them.

 

I too have been there, and will be facing it again in the not-distant-enough future, with my 11.5 year senior lab mix, who is having various health problems that are eventually going to add up. I swear she understands every word I say. I was in a bad relationship recently with a lot of terrible fighting, and instead of staying away from all of the chaos, she would deliberately come over and sit right at my feet and look up at me and throw her nose at me, even as he was screaming at me. Her way of hugging.

 

And she laughs, and smiles. There is no doubt about it, she is an emotional, caring animal.

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