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My Kids Have All Left Church!


Guest sawitch
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Guest sawitch

Like a dutiful parent I took my children along to Church and Sunday school every week as they were growing up. I began to have doubts some while ago, but didn't want to rock the boat for them - they had to be allowed to make up their own minds.

 

Our church has been through a bad patch and as a result my kids have all left, or rather drifted away. None of them profess any degree of real faith in Christianity, so at last I can stop pretending.

 

My husband and I are still attending regularly, but I don't think we will be for much longer. I haven't talked to him about what he believes, but it's always been me who has been the driving force in attending. If I stop he'll just go along with it I guess.

 

I've just got to pluck up the courage to make the final break!! I've attended church all my life and it's a lot more than just religion. I have friends and a social life there too and it's going to be tough to give that up!! :ugh:

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I've just got to pluck up the courage to make the final break!! I've attended church all my life and it's a lot more than just religion. I have friends and a social life there too and it's going to be tough to give that up!! :ugh:

It sounds like you were really waiting for them to not be in the picture at the church to make your break from them. If you have good friends in their, they may view it as a threat to them and it will put a strain on that relationship. But it sounds like your discomfort with remaining is something you need to address for yourself. May I ask what type of chruch it is?

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Well, slowly is usually the best way. That's how I did it.

 

Mild headache? skip church.

Raining or snowing? skip church.

Too tired from a busy Saturday? skip church

 

Eventually you stop going all together and it takes people a few weeks to clue in.

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Like a dutiful parent I took my

 

I've attended for quite some time pretending to believe. I completely stopped for about a year now and only go when absolutely socially necessary. I have never felt better as a result! We too are raising our children with religion (catholic school sacraments,etc.)

Not much chance of it taking hold because we both secretly think its bullshit. Yet, they can decide for themselves. thanks.

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Guest sawitch

May I ask what type of chruch it is?

 

 

We go to the Salvation Army.

 

There is a high level of commitment to attendance and uniform wearing so it's not too easy to just drift away quietly. My attendance has dwindled a bit, but always with valid excuses. My husband is the only pianist and they notice when we're not there!!

 

:lmao:

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We go to the Salvation Army.

 

There is a high level of commitment to attendance and uniform wearing so it's not too easy to just drift away quietly. My attendance has dwindled a bit, but always with valid excuses. My husband is the only pianist and they notice when we're not there!!

 

:lmao:

Yes, that would make it really tough to just slip away when the music is gone if you're not there! :grin: Where are you at in your thoughts about religion? Are you just disallusioned with Christianity; this type of Christianity; or would you see yourself leaning more towards being an atheist now?

 

The reason I ask is because you could "slip away" to another type of church, which may not be a severe as announcing to them you no longer believe God exists. It may lessen the blow to them and allow a gradual breaking away and maybe salvaging some friendships? Then again, it might be best for yourself to make a clean and up front break from them. Any thoughts how you're going to do this?

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.....I've just got to pluck up the courage to make the final break!! I've attended church all my life and it's a lot more than just religion. I have friends and a social life there too and it's going to be tough to give that up!! :ugh:
I'd say make a clean, quick and, complete break. Burn the bridge so that you cannot go backwards. But that's just me. I have many Secular Humanist friends that have found that social life and community at a Unitarian Universalist church. You have that social life and little, if any, god.
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Guest sawitch

I'm at a point where I have lots of questions and doubts about Christianity but I can't yet say that I don't believe in God. When I'm at church I find myself disagreeing with a lot of what is said and I don't feel comfortable in that environment, despite the friends I have. There seems to be a widening gulf between me and them - the shared outlook on life is a prop that's not there any longer.

 

I don't yet know how I'm going to make the break. We did have a plan - we were going to move and had a date to put our house up for sale. Unfortunately our son managed to set the house on fire while we were on holiday (BBQ :Doh: )so that's delayed us for at least 6 months while the damage is repaired. We will probably move sometime in the later part of 2007 (house sales in the UK take forever!) but I'm not sure I can hang on at church that long, so it may have to be a clean break situation.

 

I've already told the officer (minister) that I'm having doubts, but I think she's hoping it's just a phase. She wants to have a chat soon to see where I am now!! My conscience won't allow me to continue to be a good uniform wearing Salvationist, particularly as I'm in a leadership position. Maybe when we have our chat I'll be brave enough to resign, or maybe she'll ask me to do so??

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I've already told the officer (minister) that I'm having doubts, but I think she's hoping it's just a phase. She wants to have a chat soon to see where I am now!! My conscience won't allow me to continue to be a good uniform wearing Salvationist, particularly as I'm in a leadership position. Maybe when we have our chat I'll be brave enough to resign, or maybe she'll ask me to do so??

That almost sounds like how it's going to go down. I know what you mean about not wanting to continue in a leadship position when you have doubts like this. I was slated to be the assistant pastor of my home church after my graduation from Bible college, but my doubts were so strong at after graduation that I devoted all my time and energy to facing them head-on. I couldn't in good conscience pusuade people to believe in something I had become so unconvinced about.

 

Of course it fell apart and I followed it up by sending a 30 page letter to my home pastor explaining the basis for my leaving the organization. I never heard back from him, but heard years later that he brought my letter (more a thesis of sorts ;) ) to one of the general conferences for our organization and asked my college professor to go over the things I brought up in that letter. It would have been nice for him to acknowledge me as a person, but I think the impact (or threat) must have been too great for him. Shame really as I considered them as friends. It would have been nice for them to embrace the person, despite differences in beliefs. I guess the system for them doesn't allow them to see beyond the teachings to value the person in front of them.

 

"This above all: to thine own self be true"

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