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Bael
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I have been attending Al-Anon for about two months. At first I really enjoyed the feeling that I wasn't alone in the world. Other people have struggles just like me. Yet a theme seem to pop up over and over that reminded me too much of Christianity. This was "Sponsorship" This means what "Discipleship" means in religious circles. A person "sponsors" another person by telling them what they should do about their problems. A person approached me a few weeks ago, "I sponsor three people!" He then followed up his remark by saying, "Yet two of the guys are flakes!" It seemed to me that I was being told that I should want a sponsor. I should go to someone who was experienced in the program and ask them to sponsor me. WTF would I want to do that for? For one who in Al-Anon is really qualified to tell other people what to do with their lives? I got plenty of that in Christianity. I actually know people who were told to quit their college education so they could devote more time to serving the Lord. Today these same people are in their middle age and have no career. I made it clear that I felt that I didn't need a sponsor. This may have had something to do with the fact that I was interrupted during a sharing time last week. "What does that have to do with Al-Anon?" was what got barked at me. Then the bastard took over the sharing time and preached a mini sermon about his testimony in Al-Anon. So now this is my take on the situation. People get together to be a support for one-another. They adhere to ideals that will help them find their way through life. Yet as human beings are they get off on the power they feel by controlling other peoples lives. They feel threatened when others don't recognize their perceived status in the group and they start to single them out, publicly ridicule them in hopes that they will either conform or leave. Fuck You asshole!!!!

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Yeap! It sounds like you learned what you were going to learn and you are ready to move on.

 

Most children of alcoholics are co-dependent, because in the relationship with their parents, the roles were changed. The child had to take care of the adult. When the child grows up, he/she wants to take care of everybody and the care taking includes control, telling people what to do, forcing people to do/think what the co-dependent wants.

 

Yes, co-dependents are controlling. They get on my nerves too.

If you were in another kind of group therapy for the same kind of problem, you would also find the controllers there. These people are just showing how screwed up they are.

 

I have been attending Al-Anon for about two months. At first I really enjoyed the feeling that I wasn't alone in the world. Other people have struggles just like me. Yet a theme seem to pop up over and over that reminded me too much of Christianity. This was "Sponsorship" This means what "Discipleship" means in religious circles. A person "sponsors" another person by telling them what they should do about their problems. A person approached me a few weeks ago, "I sponsor three people!" He then followed up his remark by saying, "Yet two of the guys are flakes!" It seemed to me that I was being told that I should want a sponsor. I should go to someone who was experienced in the program and ask them to sponsor me. WTF would I want to do that for? For one who in Al-Anon is really qualified to tell other people what to do with their lives? I got plenty of that in Christianity. I actually know people who were told to quit their college education so they could devote more time to serving the Lord. Today these same people are in their middle age and have no career. I made it clear that I felt that I didn't need a sponsor. This may have had something to do with the fact that I was interrupted during a sharing time last week. "What does that have to do with Al-Anon?" was what got barked at me. Then the bastard took over the sharing time and preached a mini sermon about his testimony in Al-Anon. So now this is my take on the situation. People get together to be a support for one-another. They adhere to ideals that will help them find their way through life. Yet as human beings are they get off on the power they feel by controlling other peoples lives. They feel threatened when others don't recognize their perceived status in the group and they start to single them out, publicly ridicule them in hopes that they will either conform or leave. Fuck You asshole!!!!
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Run as fast as you can AWAY from any 12step meeting. Your life depends on it.

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Run as fast as you can AWAY from any 12step meeting. Your life depends on it.

Yep I agree

 

The second step in 12 step programs is admitting that a power greater than you exists (like a god). It is still a faith based thing just like any religion.

 

Although sometimes I do still go to AA meetings just so I can see how f..ked up my life is not compared to others. But I do not join in unless they ask me to and even then they really do not seem to respect me cause I am an ATHEIST

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What I see when I read this is a microcosm of Church but on a less organized scale.

 

The fundy churches (Wasn't a hopper, I moved alot) I went to always attracted several controlling and abusive individuals.

 

They accumulate and display their power in several ways but it is not a godly or pretty sight.

 

I used to ignore these fucks (men and women) but their arogance was sometimes hard to take.

 

Now I let loose and tell them they are wrong and their facts are false and well... it's not much of a fight. The controllers are rarely armed with facts and logic. They ramp up the abuse and I wrap it up with the f-word.

 

Nonetheless, I feel for your need to reach out to others who share a problem. I think this is legetimate and I don't have many answers for you.

 

Eric

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Run as fast as you can AWAY from any 12step meeting. Your life depends on it.
Yep I agree

 

The second step in 12 step programs is admitting that a power greater than you exists (like a god). It is still a faith based thing just like any religion.

 

Although sometimes I do still go to AA meetings just so I can see how f..ked up my life is not compared to others. But I do not join in unless they ask me to and even then they really do not seem to respect me cause I am an ATHEIST

Yet there are quite a few Atheists that claim AA has helped them. I don't get it though. There is no way a "higher power" can fix your problem for you. SMART Recovery and SOS have only been around for a little over 10 years yet they have actually helped more people than AA claims to have helped. All AA does is switch addictions from a substance to a group. It may get them off of booze, or whatever, but it doesn't help them get back into a real life in a real society.
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My first red flag was the guy saying, "flakes" Here is a guy who is suppose to be helping people in his confidence and he refers to them as "flakes" So how long until I am referred to as a "flake"? I have to agree with Douglas there is something about realizing that other people have struggles that makes mine easier to deal with. What is SMART recovery? Or SOS?

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My first red flag was the guy saying, "flakes" Here is a guy who is suppose to be helping people in his confidence and he refers to them as "flakes" So how long until I am referred to as a "flake"? I have to agree with Douglas there is something about realizing that other people have struggles that makes mine easier to deal with. What is SMART recovery? Or SOS?
I taught SMART for 10 years, but I'll let the two groups speak for themselves:

SMART Recovery

SOS or SOS International

and don't forget

LifeRing

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I know some people seem to have been helped by 12 Step groups, but I've always been suspicious of it, even when I was a Christian. There was a lady at church who's husband had gone through Gambling Anonymous and was always praising this type of program. I couldn't stand her, as it always seemed to me that she wore masks. You know, to manipulate people and events. I don't even think she was aware she did it, but I disliked ever being in a group with her because it seemed if I shared anything or gave an opinion, if it didn't line up with her version of what I call "touch-feely Christianized Psychology" she would give a little laugh and roll her eyes. She said once that as the oldest child, she had to take care of her younger siblings because her parents were workaholics. I think she was still trying to take care of everyone, in her own way.

 

Here's a site with critical info about AA. I don't know how many of his accusations are true, I haven't even read through all of them. But there's enough to cause me to keep my distance. THE ORANGE PAPERS: One Man's Analysis of Alcoholics Anonymous An Online Book by Secret Agent Orange

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