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A Teenage Ex-christian.


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I'll start off by saying I am a 15 year old x-Christian living in the midst of idiots deep in the bible belt Texas.

 

I guess I've been a skeptic of anything my whole life, and sort of played along with everyone else about Santa, ghosts, the tooth fairy and God of course. It wasn't until the 7th grade that I hit that "meaning of life" stage that I believe every human goes through at one point in their lives to some degree.

 

I was suicidal for some time and often discussed it with my only good friend. We were both going through the exact same phase and we tried to console each other, but helplessly fell into a pessimistic mindset. I was convinced this life was nothing more than the illusory complex of interactions between forces and matter and that when I die, my consciousness will fade away into oblivion and nothing will matter. I was incredibly close to blowing my brains out onto a wall and even began writing my suicide note.

 

Religion tends to attracts those who have emotional issues; I was no different. I found solace in God and was officially converted when I read a book by a fundamentalist which I unfortunately forgot the name of.

 

For a long time, I felt new meaning to my life, and I was happy. I was "born again" so to speak, I still remember how it felt when God settled itself within me. Maybe I have a fundamental characteristic to be skeptical, and religion was no different, even if it prevented me from killing myself. After a few months, a felt a new emotion from God, one of fear. Every moment of my life I believed he was reading my thoughts, judging my actions; he completely poisoned my stream of consciousness. Every time I thought of something skeptical I caught myself and pushed it away for fear of hell.

 

I didn't like this God, and I got scared. I prayed at night asking for some kind of sign and it never came. I hoped, I prayed, I professed my faith...not a damn thing.

 

Why won't you answer unambiguous prayers God?

 

Nothing.

 

Why would you threaten me with hell? Why can't I just be a good person and live my fucking life?

 

Nothing.

 

I finally figured out the notion of "God" a vacuum disguised with meaning and happiness. I felt betrayed and wondered how millions of people could still be living their lives under this God and feel happy.

 

I don't remember much after that to be honest. I was back to the beginning searching for meaning. I was interested in theoretical physics at the time and indulged in authors like Paul Davies, Brian Greene and Stephen Hawkings.

 

Eventually I found out about "philosophy" and discovered that there were actually people who wrote about things such as morality, death, meaning etc. This happened around the end of 8th grade and today I still learn from the great teachers.

 

What would Jesus do? Why do people still ask this question? Jesus' teachings were horribly cliche. I'm sorry, but any dumbass 5 year old with a working brain would know the bull cockery he spewed.

 

Oh, if only more people knew the story of Socrates, Epicurus, Nietzsche, Seneca, Hume and many others! I'm lucky I found these people. They saved my life and honestly I love them (in a platonic way of course) and continue to inspire me and give me the encouragement I need to go on.

 

I wish more people would read about these people...Christians, atheists, homeless people...whoever. It sounds elitist...I know...but I pity people who chant about Jesus thinking he's the one and only when there Nietzsche helping you with impossible tasks...or Socrates helping you with being unpopular and being laughed at...or Epicurus for being a deadbeat.

 

You don't need the bible...throw it away! You don't need faith in the supernatural to be happy...throw it away!

 

I'll end this post with Epicurus three requirements for happiness (a solution everyone can afford):

 

1) Freedom

2) Friends

3) Thought

 

When I was a Christian, I didn't really have any of these. No freedom, no thought, and my only friends were other Christians, I thought other people were dirt.

 

*sigh* Thanks for reading.

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Stratovarius,

 

Welcome to ex-christian.net, and thanks for posting.

 

For a young person of fifteen, you are incredibly lucid. You've obviously got a brain in your head, and you're using it, to your credit. You've mentioned classic thinkers, why not take the time to read more specific works by thinkers such as Robert Green Ingersoll, Bertrand Russell, Joseph McCabe, and others, to strengthen your resolve.

 

Stick around...glad you're here.

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Welcome, I'm 17 but you've beat me!

I've been here for 3 years so, I was one year younger than you when I first came here. Stratovarius, glad you're here, you must keep on thinking and you'll be fine!

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Eventually the fear factor came into my life aswell, christianity can really screw your head up when you get to that stage. Like the others said you seem a sensible person for your age. When I was a teenager I was far too messed up in my head hence why i needed christianity at the time.

 

Hope you enjoy the forum.

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Welcome Stratovarius!

What an insightful and inspiring testimony! You are light-years ahead of where I was a 15. I've just posted Epicurus' three requirements for happiness on my refrigerator for my family to enjoy...

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For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord, Shall be ignored!

 

Don't you just want tell all those people to stop wasting their time praying to nothingness and get on with life. If we could get all their wasted effort that they put towards god or being "godly" just think how great things would be! Just think how much suffering would be avoided, how much bigotry and racism and all the other sorts of separation and condescending attitudes towards others would be prevented.

 

Your story reminds me of mine in a lot of ways.

 

Check my post here titled Godly Christlike Atheist. It should be within the first few pages of posts in this section.

 

Welcome to this forum!

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I have to add to what other have said here, you are very well educated for a 15 year old. I didn't even know who epicurus was when I was 15, and confucius was just some name people invoked for the sake of some stupid pun.

 

I was in college before I started carring about learning this stuff, so in any case, color me impressed, and welcome to the site

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I didn't like this God, and I got scared. I prayed at night asking for some kind of sign and it never came. I hoped, I prayed, I professed my faith...not a damn thing.

 

Why won't you answer unambiguous prayers God?

 

Nothing.

 

Why would you threaten me with hell? Why can't I just be a good person and live my fucking life?

 

Nothing.

 

I finally figured out the notion of "God" a vacuum disguised with meaning and happiness.

Yeah, as one ex-C described it before, how many times did we sit at the back of a church crying out to God to help us and comfort us, and felt nothing? You're better off without all that silliness, standing on your own two feet facing the world is much healthier, though is of course very hard when straight out of fundieville.

 

 

Thanks for reading.
My pleasure :D
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I'll end this post with Epicurus three requirements for happiness (a solution everyone can afford):

 

1) Freedom

2) Friends

3) Thought

 

When I was a Christian, I didn't really have any of these. No freedom, no thought, and my only friends were other Christians, I thought other people were dirt.

 

 

 

Good encapsulation, Stratovarius. I know what you mean about attitudes toward other people, which Christianity leads us to have. Isn't Epicurus a breath of fresh air?!

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Hi,

 

Wish I'd seen this earlier. Heh. Welcome.

 

I've read a bit of Socrates myself, it is definitely very interesting.

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Welcome!

 

Maybe our politicians will catch on and put logic and philosophy in our schools.

We can only hope so. Unfortunately, politicians prefer uninformed masses, lest the public is smart enough to choose their politicians wisely. Besides, you see all the resistance the Christian Right has mounted against evolution being taught in school.

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Maybe our politicians will catch on and put logic and philosophy in our schools.

We can only hope so. Unfortunately, politicians prefer uninformed masses, lest the public is smart enough to choose their politicians wisely. Besides, you see all the resistance the Christian Right has mounted against evolution being taught in school.

 

Heh. That reminds me of a convo I was having with a friend. We were ranting about the education system and he said, "It seems your only option is to succeed in a constictive society until you have the power to destroy it."

 

Who has power?

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Welcome.

 

I know what that's like, thinking non-Christians were all dirt and disgusting. Looking back on it I realize how much of a pompus jack-ass I was.

 

And you deconverted from Christianity at fifteen! I can only say that at this age it's good to began your own path to find out what you truely believe in.

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Dude, it's unfortunate that you were duped

 

Post clipped and taken down out of Testimonies Section due to gross violation of TOS/Guidelines.

 

Dude, it is unfortunate that you didn't read the Rules and Guidelines for this Section before you spewed your keyboard and guts over the ONE public section reserved for non-sectarian postings..

 

Strike One for being un-abled to read HERE.

 

DoooOOOooodE...

 

Feel welcome to participate here at ExC, however feel intelligent enough to read up on the few Rules we have for posting here at Dave's House.

 

kFuckingL

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OK first off, you need to learn about a little grammatical tool called a PARAGRAPH.

 

I wasted enough time reading your drivel, having to pick through your no paragraph post just made it worse....I think I speak for most people here. If you can't make your writing legible then DON'T WRITE.

 

 

furthermore, everyone of us have heard everything you have to say on this subject from 1,000 different people before you.

 

BLAH BLAH....you didn't hear the REAL gospel....if you believed what I believed you wouldn't have left....BLAH BLAH.

 

 

You admit yourself that you are a new believer...I was a christian for over 5 years and I guarantee that I know more theology and biblical history than you....so stuff your self assured superiority...you AREN"T any better than me

 

Lastly, READ THE DAMN FORUM RULES, Christians are not allowed to post in this section.

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