Trying To De-convert But Having A Hard Time Doing So

[Guest genesis]

Hi, I feel so good after so many stories about the descrepencies of the Bible.

 

I was emailing a Christian friend my story on how I lost the custody of my three children because of my experiences with Christianity and I was thinking. Howcome Jesus commands to baptise in the name of The Father, Son & Holy Ghost yet in the New Testament baptisms were made "only" in the name of Jesus. You see this all time in Churches. Churches with differences in their doctrines. Some baptise in "Jesus name" And others baptise in the name of the Father, Son & Holy Ghsot. I always noticed they "stresses" their doctrines.

 

I don't understand this. I'm still questioning this. Why did Jesus command one thing and the Apostles do another, for example baptising in Jesus name instead of what Jesus commanded?

 

Anyways, I am single 34 year old mother of 3 who lost the custody of her three kids to Christianity. Yuck!!! I hate the whole concept....yet I find myself needing this Jesus. And I find myself trapped and still fearing this God because I've a very good Christian man who has really, really been there through thick & thin. When I started working in this job and I was a single mother, this man,,,,,showed me Jesus. There was no if's buts or ands about it. I saw Jesus in him and he just accepted me and loved through and through. And even till this day....I was caught up in the sin of "Fornication" when you have sexual relations with an unmarried partner and this man, this Christian man heard me and understand it all and "Led me through, Lovingly and Kindly" back into the arms of Jesus.

 

This is why I find it so hard to de-convert. Because one man has stood in the gap for me and has shown love and acceptance towards inspite of my sin.

 

But other than than....I kind of hate what people have to Christianity and for a time began "hating" Christianity myself because I saw the Hipocrisy in the so-called Church.

 

I am having now to go to Court against the father of my kids and I am writing in my motion to the Courts how I was abused as a Sheep by a bunch of "wolves on sheep's clothing" who robbed me my life as I knew, who yanked and brainwashed my children, making them believe I was "mentally unstable" and demonized.

 

I hate what these people did to me. And you can say I am on a personal vendetta. I am kind of tired of waiting on God to do justice. What do we have the Courts system for? Isn't it for justice.

 

 

The other day I was shopping at Office Depot and there he was wearing a nice Guayabera (a Cuban blouse)shopping for a computer - this "very egotistical, maniac" pastor. I know he saw me and the Christ in me roses again but I didn't obey the teachings of Christ in this case, because these people took away my children coming to my house teaching me there was no Trinity and "abusing" the congregants...and keeping children away from their parents.

 

I hate what they detroyed! My family unit as I had worked so hard for years to form and maintain as a single mother of three.

 

I can never forget taking my 6 year old daughter to their church and seeing the look in that child's eyes sitting under the rules and regulations of a very demanding and especially "legalistic" pastor. But I never saw the Love! Sure there was one time where the Lord himself fed me inthis Church and I wanted to return because as a sheep, I felt fed, but never once did I see the humility that only comes from Christ Jesus in this Pastor's behavior.

 

To the contrary, they were "boastful" as if they were the rulers. I hated them and I hated the "Legalistic" spirit to which I was under in in that church.

 

I'll never forget sitting in their seats and feeling like someone was litereally "suffocating" me while Pastor was preaching. And it came to me - it was "Legalism!!!!" For the Love of God, you don't know or maybe some of you have experienced legalism....All I can say is that you feel like they are suffocating you and then your knees shake and you fear the PASTOR IN THIS TERRIBLE WAY!!

 

I wanted to run away from there so fast...and believe me I did.

 

But they took my children with them and it's now been 4 years and I am working for an attorney and he has offered to represent me in Court and this case to court.

 

They had no right to strip a single mother of her kids...They are supposse to "HELP" people like single mothers not abuse them.

 

And this is what I experienced.

 

And better yet, when I became homeless 2 years later and I called their church to see if indeed they practised what they preached - they never returned my calls.

 

The father of my kids saw me homeless without a penny to my name and so did my children and didn't even offer me a plate of food.

 

I wondered and questioned where are these people's Christianity? What Jesus are these people preaching?

 

And so, I became very close to jesus for a while and found myself getting blessed by mere strangers more than the church.

 

but like i said, except for one man..and that's my Christian friend Paul. He is the only Christian man who has actually shown me what he preaches.

 

And this is all so sickening and disgusting and I feel these people need to be held accountable.

 

Not only because they don't practise what they preach but for abusing their congregants.

 

Anyways, that's just part of my story. And I am finding real hard to deconvert but I feel that if I can get support somewhere and get into some other of dealing with life that is NOT Christianity I can definitely go for it.....

 

Anybody out there?

 

thanks.

[Stratovarius]

Hi. You're not alone.

 

Like you (although my situation was entirely different), I had a hard time deconverting because of fear from God himself and rejection from other people.

 

I find that many Christians cling to God or religion because of two major aspects:

 

1) emotional attachment

 

2) the need to feel accepted

 

Anyways, that's just part of my story. And I am finding real hard to deconvert but I feel that if I can get support somewhere and get into some other of dealing with life that is NOT Christianity I can definitely go for it.....

 

People look at me funny when I recommend philosophy for all their life's problems. They even think I'm a selfish asshole.

 

You may have never looked at philosophy in your whole life, but it is never too late to start. This doesn't mean reading 1000 page books with huge vocabulary words and complex syntax.

 

I really want you to read this book:

 

Click here

 

I finished the whole book in one day. It was that good, and when I finished the last page, I had a whole new way of looking at things in life. It wasn't based on God or Jesus or whatever. It's a very easy read, and it's truly inspiring to learn about the great teachers and how they dealt with problems such as you are describing.

 

I can't convince you that philosophy is useful, you'll have to discover that yourself.

 

You can read my story here.

[pandora]

Wow... sounds like you came from the most controlling of controlling churches. Congrats on having the common sense to get out of that particular situation. Hopefully your children will be with you soon, I can't imagine how they twisted things around to legally gain custody... that's literally insane! How did they manage to do it, if I may ask?

 

And I agree with Strat, people cling to Christianity for emotional security, and understandably so. The world is a harsh place to live in for conscious creatures like humans. I hope that your hurt can be healed and that you can eventually move on to see even more of the logical inconsistencies in Christianity, because in the end, knowing these things at an intellectual as well as an emotional level is the only thing that will keep you from cycling in and out of Christianity over and over again.

[Dave]

.....I don't understand this. I'm still questioning this. Why did Jesus command one thing and the Apostles do another, for example baptising in Jesus name instead of what Jesus commanded?

Because the bible is all made up. It's highly unlikely that this jesus ever existed.

..... this Christian man heard me and understand it all and "Led me through, Lovingly and Kindly" back into the arms of Jesus.

He did no such thing. He found a person he could control.

This is why I find it so hard to de-convert. Because one man has stood in the gap for me and has shown love and acceptance towards inspite of my sin.

There are plenty of non christian men that would have done you better. This guy used his religion as a tool to take over your life..... and you let him.

I am having now to go to Court against the father of my kids and I am writing in my motion to the Courts how I was abused as a Sheep by a bunch of "wolves on sheep's clothing" who robbed me my life as I knew, who yanked and brainwashed my children, making them believe I was "mentally unstable" and demonized......

Tell the judge exactly what he is doing.

[Mongo]

Genesis,

 

Listen clearly...

 

You were in an abusive and controlling situation. You need help from people who understand that.

 

What is confusing for you is that you were not hit and battered. Emotionally though, you probably don't understand the emotional beating you got from the church.

 

There are people who want to help you.

 

I know it does not makes sense but... pick up the phone book and find a number for an abused woman hot line. Say this:

"People tell me that I was in an abusive and controlling situation and that I need help. Can I tell you my story?"

 

It is really worth a try. In fact, if you don't find a sympathetic ear the first try, call another hotline and call shelters until you find help.

 

My sister in law who was not half abused as you found wonderful assistance from talking with people from a local shelter. Even if the first call is helpful, call several. The more people you talk to the more help you get.

 

Perhaps she was lucky. I think she was persistant. You need face to face friends who understand this problem.

 

I hope you can find them. Good luck.

 

Mongo

[Guest genesis]

Wow... sounds like you came from the most controlling of controlling churches. Congrats on having the common sense to get out of that particular situation. Hopefully your children will be with you soon, I can't imagine how they twisted things around to legally gain custody... that's literally insane! How did they manage to do it, if I may ask?

 

 

Well, it all started when I was working at this job and had my three kids in this afterschool program and the woman who took care of them was a Crasy Pentecostal. She demanded that I speak in tongues. She took me to her church with my three children and they preached "the baptism in the Holy Spirit" day and night. I was appalled by what I saw in this church. Everyone was so boastful and running around and falling on the floor crying out and even coaching people to speak in tongues. I DETESTED what I saw. It was insanity. and I longed for a civilized church. And I had absolutely no interest in Christianity. In fact, I hated the Christian man I mentioned who worked with me because he was so rigid. But I got sucked in. He made me believe I needed this God to help me with my three kids and life in general. But I had always managed just fine. I can't say that he didn't love me because He did. But he never had answers for me, And I had a lot of questions which I never got a chance to ask becasue he was guided by the Holy Spirit and I senses authority in him.

 

But anyways, this crasy pentecostal woman kept insisting that I speak in tongues and even took me to more pentecostal churches were there was abuses. People falling to the floor and people saying how they see angels and even demons. I DETESTED ALL OF THIS!!!! For God's sake, I destested Christianity, I hate what it does to people.

 

But I couldn't tell this woman this crasy pentecostal woman to lay off and leave my children alone. In other words back off!!!!!

 

So, I turned to the father of my kids and he did me the favor of talking to her and telling her to leave me and the kids alone and that I wasn't interested in her crasy ass church nor her practices.

 

Well, this turned out to be a BIG MISTAKE!!!!! Because the father of my kids found himself a new church and started takking the kids to this church where their Pastor had left Pentecostalism and began an aPOSTOLIC cHURCH. He even had a "Pentecostal Bible" where he scratched off the name Pentecostals because he says they almost drove him insane. So, I started going to this church. and I noticed all the woman wearing head-coverings and how EXTREMELY ARROGANT these pastor and his brothers were. They will usually give you a hand shake with a "Paz de Cristo" meaning "The Peace of christ" in spanish. But they were so fucking arrogant. And they lead the congregation into these hysterical and ridicolous songs about the devil and being soldiers for christ meanwhile the poor congregants are sitting there under "legalism". These bastards. They drive BMW's meanwhile, most of the congregation is poor. What suckers. I will never forget the day, my 6 year old sat under their teachings and how I wanted to be in a park or at a movie with my children and not be sitting listening these bastards "beat the shit" out of us with the bible. Mother fuckers. I hated it. They have people fasting and praying about 2 to 3 times per week. Meanwhile they put fear into people. Bastards.!!!!

 

They started teaching my children that Jesus is the father. And soon my children had all these versus memorized. And I started reading the bible and searching for all the scriptures to prove to them there is a Trinity. But I never confronted them. So, I stopped going to their church and accussed them of legalism and the father of my kids accussed me of being rebellious and having a demon and they went to the department of children and families and reported that i was mentally unstable. Now I am a big believer in the science of the stars and the influence of the universe and the cosmos. and i am just wanting to have my day with these bastards and take these fuckers and take my children back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The truth is that chirstianity fucked me out badly.

 

When i looked into the eyes of that pastor i felt such fear and intimidation my knees would shake and I only wondered what my children felt. But till this day they seem to like this church. And the christian friend whom i am talking about has told just yesterday that these fuckers are teaching a "false doctrine".. he told me, "Don't fight this, just take it to the altar." Easy to say for him - he didn't loose his children to a bunch of fucking ego maniacs. i am taking these fuckers to court and telling all.

 

 

if christ is going to disown me - then so be it. fuck christianity....i've had 4 years trying to be a good christian only to take abuse from people, christians and non christians alike. I am tired of it all.

 

i am really figuring out that chirsitianity doesn't work. what's it all for anyways. you forgive and people don't even notice your forgiveness - they just keep stepping all over you again and again.

 

fuck these mother fuckers who took my children.

 

i am so messed up that i noticed i am having dreams that i am pissed at the world. and this is not so - it's just that i am pissed at christianity itself because it took my life, my independence, my free will and my right to reason. they talk about the bible but they never once employ it. they take trips to hawaii and other states and when people ask for their help - they just say, "oh, sister, brother just pray about it - you need to fast."

 

fuck this shit.

 

i never trusted these fuckers from the beginning. and this is what i lost to chirstianity - my right to reason and trust my on guts.

 

all because of this jesus.

 

what's it all for?

 

they don't practice it.

 

hell, my own daughter now 15, is having sex with one of the brother's pastors son and she's sitting in this church.

 

i am keeping her secret and not telling. but the moment i get a chance to take my children back i will have my day!!!!!

 

now this mother fucker, pastor's brother wants to take my daughter to a university of his choice and i had already told my daughter i would take her to the university i want to,

 

 

this is why i hate these fuckers. all the fucking glory is for them.

 

but they will hear a mother's fury.

 

Because i was a damn good single mother. before i got into this wacko world of christianity.

 

now, you tell me how i got into this mess???????????

 

because of these crasy ass mother fuckers preaching all this crap and demanding holiness yet abusing people. mother fuckers. i am so pissed off.

 

and now i am going to be helped by my boss an attorney....this is not a coincidence...these are the cosmos helping me out!!!!! he told me, "i am going to help you in court and i am going to take his offer and i am going to investigate some shit about these pastors and i am going to make the courts return my children back to me.

 

just watch me get real pissed off. fuck the fucking crap of christianity.

 

 

 

And I agree with Strat, people cling to Christianity for emotional security, and understandably so. The world is a harsh place to live in for conscious creatures like humans. I hope that your hurt can be healed and that you can eventually move on to see even more of the logical inconsistencies in Christianity, because in the end, knowing these things at an intellectual as well as an emotional level is the only thing that will keep you from cycling in and out of Christianity over and over again.

[Mr. Neil]

I must admit that I'm having extreme difficulty understanding the original post. What I've gathered is that you're angry at the church for a number of reasons that I don't find particularly clear, and you're also angry with losing the custody of your children. It sounds like you're blaming religion for turning your children against you and wanting to live with their father. For the sake of brevity, I'll simply assume that for now.

 

As astonishing as this may sound coming from me, the first thing you need to do is stop thinking of the church as an entity capable of harming you. What you're doing is having an emotional response to the church based on the actions of those who support the church. The problem with that is that by letting your emotions get the better of you, you're actually setting yourself up for a dangerous trap. If it can be shown that those who've hurt you in the name of faith were not acting genuinely in their faith, and discover this you shall, then that can only serve as a vehicle to drive you right back into believing.

 

You need to look at faith more objectively and not bias yourself based on the actions of believers. Not all Christians are nasty, and not all atheists are nice. You're going to find good and bad people in all walks of life, regardless of ideology. If you were to embrace atheism only to get hurt by atheists, would you convert to something else?

 

But if you look at faith without any emotional bias, what you'll find is that it's a lot easier to deconvert. All it takes is a critical eye and a little brain power.

 

Furthermore, you should think about how you present yourself and how that reflects your particular stance. If you feel that your children have been poisoned by Christianity, you're doing them no favor by engaging this situation with the crusade-like furvor you've expressed here. I've taken the liberty to count the number of times you used the word "hate", which ended up being like eight times! I know that losing children is a terrible experience, but you need to think about the way your actions appear to them.

 

I hope you're able to resolve your problems.

[duderonomy]

genesis,

 

It might help if you could tell the name of the church/denomination that you are talking about. It's OK to name names, I think.

[Guest genesis]

genesis,

 

It might help if you could tell the name of the church/denomination that you are talking about. It's OK to name names, I think.

 

 

Thank you for your responses, the reason why I say I hate them is because they used "faith" and turned my children against me and then turned around and never showed me any "mercy" or "understanding" towards me. They not only turned my children against me but also started teaching my children something I am against the oneness faith, which negates the "Trinity." They use the Bible and good intimidation tactics to keep people within their "doctrine". But I have heard there are people who left their church angry because they woke up to the truth of the Trinity. Yet my children are still caught in their teachings and I believe they are teaching something I can not fathom, which is the negation of the Trinity.

 

Look, I'm sorry, but these people hurt me badly. and yes, it's true, i want some kind of payback. i am angry. worst or not worst, i am very pissed off - that they came into my home and I allowed them to brainwash my children. I should of used my judgement from the very beggining which initally was not to trust them....but instead becasue they were christians, I thought, well maybe this church is different and will show "love" as in intended for christians to apply.

 

but in reality these people showed me the opposite and i am carrying this anger BUT you know what??....It's all GOOD. Because it is "good anger." I have to let so steam out and hopefully I can have this relationship with my kids that can be even better than the past.

 

I just wish these apostolics would stop being so demanding on these christians - I mean the leaders of this small church because they sure put alot of pressure on their congregants and that's what i hate....that's why i used the word hate so many times....but like i said, what I am discovering little by little as I go is that this is good anger.

 

thanks for letting me post and giving me an objective POV.

 

By the way this is a very samll church in Miami called La Primavera. It's an Apostolic church and they go by "El Nombre" which means "The Name"... By this they mean they only baptise in the name of Jesus and negate the Trinity. But my question to this Pastor who has a degree in Christian Ministry is what in the world does he do with all the versus in the bible which speak about the trinity?

 

That's my question to them.

[duderonomy]

genesis,

 

Myself, I don't know what to tell you about trinity or no trinity, because I don't believe any of it anymore. I will say though that when I was a Christian, I was quite the fundie and even a Penecostal of sorts. Then, as now, I would be the first to agree with anyone that these 'apostolic' 'oneness' churches are nasty controlling places that you don't want to be. I know some from study and some from personal experience through friends that used to attend one. Even went with them one Sunday. It would have been funny if it wasn't so sad.

Even today I could take any Bible of their choosing and use it to blow a whole in their dogma big enough to drive the Pharoh's chariots through.

 

I really hope you get custody of your children back...I wouldn't have any one growing up in that cultish mess. I just hope you get a good judge that knows we aren't in the dark ages, and will see this 'she has a demon' crap for what it is.

 

Duder