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A Monologue


KenneyVTX
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I wrote this after reading yet another article about the radical right. It just reminded me of the duplicity I grew up with in the Plesant Grove First Baptist Church. I choose a monologe, I hope it's not to rambleing.

 

Hello evangelical Christians, it's very good to see you. You're right, it is a blessed day today. No, I'm afraid I haven't been to the first Baptist church since my grandmother funeral. Yes, I remember your fellowship well. That's actually why I called you here today. I wanted to talk to you all. Please be seated. The very term "Christian" means a follower of Christ. I do remember Sunday school, the stories of the love of Jesus. You know, I was very tolerant. I went to the church, I listened to the sermons, I absorbed it all. I internalized everything. You're right, I was a good little boy. I have grown into a very good man. Without input from you! Oh now, don't be upset. I know it must appear rather insolent of me, but it's not. I'm only doing Gods work.

You see, I learned many things. I learned how to lie, I learned how to hide, I learned to hate myself. I learned that anyone not of the church was bad and must be saved. But you're wrong. NO, sit down and shut up. I'm not interested in your sermons anymore, for once do something godly and listen. If I cut myself, I bleed. I can place salve and a bandage on that wound and it will go away. My hand will be good as new. But YOU, you never had the decency to use a blade. Those wounds you caused went to the very soul. They bled, and festered for years untreated. You wonder why someone would commit suicide? It's ALL your fault. You who we were taught to trust. You who we were taught to look up to. YOU who told us in snide little comments, little double entendres that being gay was less than human. I knew I was different, it just took time to figure out what that difference was.

Oh yes, storm out. I expected that of some of you. That which will not bend and that which dares to question is beyond redemption. Well YOU are beyond redemption. YOU have forgotten the love that pours from the stories and teachings of Christ. You will be the ones damned, oh no, no rapture for you. You have beaten and scared thousands. You pursued the ministry to fix yourself, to hide. Not because you were called. A man who is called to a vocation does not need to scream and rant about how he is called to it. But you do. Who are you trying to convince? Just what sins and secrets do those church doors hide? I see a good half of you are gone now. There may be hope yet. Either that, or you're only staying to prove me wrong.

I am not without sin, I never claimed to be. But you are bereft of tolerance. You have lost your way. Has the offering plate become that important? Has, to paraphrase an airline saying, "butts in pews" become your only concern? God does not ask for "mega-churches". God does not ask for millions of dollars. Jesus threw the money changers out of the temples. But yet you let them back in, you welcome them in as brothers and let them ply their trade on national satellite links. You're right, perhaps I am being unfair. However I’m hurt, I'm angry, and I'm having to look very hard to find forgiveness for you. You never gave me that love or luxury. Oh, yes you're right. You did, until I came out. Then it was all about reshaping me into what YOU thought was right and proper. Did you ask me? No, you didn't. You ASSUMED you knew what was best. You ASSUMED that since you were a man of god, no women allowed remember, you knew best and all I needed was to be saved. I do not need your salvation, I need your love. On both points, you reject me. I have faith and know what will happen to me in the next life. I have doubts about you. The love of Christ does not come with conditions. As a Christian, why is it you can not do the same? Oh no, there you are wrong. There were always conditions. You see I remember the railings against the "pagan Catholics", but now they are your allies. Isn't that convenient. I forgot, they were also idolaters. Just want to be complete. You see, your condition was simple: If you agree with us, you're ok. Don't even try to deny it, remember, God is omnipresent or have you lost your belief completely?

I have not rejected God. I have not rejected faith. YOU turned me away! You who are charged to teach to those that would listen, door to door does not count neither does ambushing people on street corners with cheap Chick tracts, successfully turned me and many of my brethren way from God. Because your love came with strings attached. We were children and we didn't understand. We learned that Gods love also comes with strings. So we cried. We ached in our search. Some didn't make it, some came through as husks, and a few made it through with their souls. The ones that didn't make it were shunned, thrown out by their families. They were killed on the streets or they took their own lives. Your fault. The husks, they exist. Filling that void with anything that will put them out of their heads for a while. Wandering like living banshees through the world. Your fault. Those of us that made it through with our souls, we were gravely wounded. We came close to not making it, we may have spent time as just a husk, but we found it within ourselves to seek help. Secular help, I might add. We knew who had beaten us and didn't feel inclined to go back there. Your fault.

You have committed the same sin that caused God to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. You were inhospitable. Oh please, don't pull out verses. I paid attention and I can go verse for verse with you.

I see only two left now. The rest wouldn't listen to, blasphemer or heritic. The problem is, I am neither.

The fact there is anyone left tells me there may yet be hope.

I do forgive you. I would suggest you pray for forgiveness and honestly examine your lives. Tolerance isn't about giving me a pat on the back or even trying to hook me up. Tolerance is not judging. Not using a sacred book as a cudgel. Tolerance is being able to stay on your side of the street and not worrying that someone on the other side might be getting more sun.

That's what I had to say really. No, I won't be taking questions. Than you all for coming, good bye.

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I've always known--ever since I was crowded out of the church for feeling unfulfilled with the approved role for so-called nitwits--that I had much in common with nonheterosexuals. Like them, I am condemned for being who I am.

 

Kenny, I went through your piece and picked out the parts I would especially like certain Christians to know. (For obvious reasons I changed a few parts and put square brackets around them.) Here they are:

 

If I cut myself, I bleed. I can place salve and a bandage on that wound and it will go away. My hand will be good as new. But YOU, you never had the decency to use a blade. Those wounds you caused went to the very soul. They bled, and festered for years untreated. You wonder why someone would commit suicide? It's ALL your fault. You who we were taught to trust. You who we were taught to look up to. YOU who told us in snide little comments, little double entendres that [asking questions about the faith] was [evil incarnate]. I knew I was different, it just took time to figure out what that difference was.

 

*********************

That which will not bend and that which dares to question is beyond redemption. Well YOU are beyond redemption. YOU have forgotten the love that pours from the stories and teachings of Christ. You will be the ones damned…

 

**********************

You're right, perhaps I am being unfair. However I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I'm having to look very hard to find forgiveness for you. You never gave me that love or luxury. Oh, yes you're right. You did, until I came out. Then it was all about reshaping me into what YOU thought was right and proper. Did you ask me? No, you didn't. You ASSUMED you knew what was best. You ASSUMED that since you were a man of god, no women allowed remember, you knew best and all I needed was to [submit to God's will]. I do not need your salvation, I need your love. On both points, you reject me.

 

******************************

The love of Christ does not come with conditions. As a Christian, why is it you can not do the same? Oh no, there you are wrong. There were always conditions. You see I remember the railings against the "pagan Catholics"

 

*******************

I have not rejected God. I have not rejected faith. YOU turned me away! You who are charged to teach to those that would listen

 

**********************

Those of us that made it through with our souls, we were gravely wounded. We came close to not making it, we may have spent time as just a husk, but we found it within ourselves to seek help. Secular help, I might add. We knew who had beaten us and didn't feel inclined to go back there. Your fault.

You have committed the same sin that caused God to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. You were inhospitable. Oh please, don't pull out verses. I paid attention and I can go verse for verse with you.

 

==================

 

Kenny, many thanks for putting the rage and bitterness into words for me.

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I've always known--ever since I was crowded out of the church for feeling unfulfilled with the approved role for so-called nitwits--that I had much in common with nonheterosexuals. Like them, I am condemned for being who I am.

 

Kenny, I went through your piece and picked out the parts I would especially like certain Christians to know. (For obvious reasons I changed a few parts and put square brackets around them.) Here they are:

 

Kenny, many thanks for putting the rage and bitterness into words for me.

 

You're very welcome. The edits do make sense as well. This was a piece I wrote in about 10 minutes time after reading some interview with a wing nut. I usually don't write with any length unless I have something to say and that's dangerous. :HaHa:

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Kenny, I really liked the way you ended the piece:

 

No, I won't be taking questions. Than you all for coming, good bye.

 

I know your reason and that speaks for itself.

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