My Deconversion Story

[mick]

Though the seeds of doubt had been planted years earlier I decided once and for all that Christianity and more importantly the Bible was false in the year 2006. This deconversion process was and is the most painful experience of my entire life. In order to understand I must start at the beginning.

 

I was raised a Roman Catholic. At age 13 I was confirmed. After that I never went to the Catholic Church seriously again. For most of my teen years I was probably an atheist, though this time is somewhat foggy for me.

 

In college a close friend had become a “Born Again” Christian through the ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ (CCC). She shared a gospel track called the “4 spiritual laws” with me. My mother had died of cancer 2 years earlier, and for reason that day it struck me as true and I prayed to receive Christ as my Lord and Savior. I did not yet know what was in the Bible.

 

I was discipled right away by staff members of CCC. They told me NOT to read the Old Testament, but to go straight to the Gospel of John. (If a young, fresh convert were to be exposed to the atrocities and absurdities of the Old Testament, there is an excellent chance they will jettison it quickly.) I was discipled to have a deep personal relationship with Christ well before I ever knew that God commanded the Israelites to slaughter every man, woman, child and infant in city after city in the OT. I was taught that Jesus loved the “Little children” and that the Kingdom of God belonged to them. I was taught this before I realized that God sent rabid female bears to rip apart 42 little children for teasing a prophet in the OT. (2 Kings 2:23,24)

 

I was discipled to share the gospel with others to save them from an eternal torment and suffering for not believing in Jesus. I was taught that human beings, whose only crime was being descendants of Adam and Eve, deserved to be roasted alive for all eternity without the possibility of mercy or deliverance.

 

I was taught these things before I realized that critical doctrines like the Holy Trinity were not officially determined until the year 381AD.

 

I was taught that the Bible taught clearly that Jesus was one and the same with the Father, yet also eternally distinct from him. I was not taught however, that it was not agreed upon by Christians that this was true, until voted to be true under dubious circumstances at the council of Nicea in the year 325AD. (Nearly 3 centuries after the time of Christ’s death) The opposition to the Trinity was treated quite dubiously, though they may have outnumbered the Trinitarians. It is clear to me now that the Trinity is not “biblical” in the sense that the Bible actually teaches it. It is clear to me now that Christians are forced into a corner to believe the Trinity. I actually think the doctrine of the Trinity is the biggest blow to Christianity’s veracity. It is even bigger then Hell and the Old Testament atrocities. (Though those are enough for me to bail as well)

 

I was taught that the Holy Spirit was the third member of this trinity. That he was one with the Father and the Son, yet was separate and distinct from the Father and the Son. More gymnastics indeed. This was added in 381AD at some other council, blah blah.

 

I could go on forever here. But I’ll fast forward. I was a “true Christian”. I believed in Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. I had quiet times with intense prayer and Bible study. I taught Bible study. I shared the gospel with people. I led a person to Christ on the beach one time using the 4 spiritual laws. (I was happy that day!) I gave out tracks to people. I think the tithes and offerings I have given in the 17 years are more than $100,000 dollars.

 

Like I said, I was a true Christian, but for me something was always wrong. I never quite saw how this was “Good News”. I always thought it seemed kind of like “Bad News”. The Christians I knew would always say that when someone had just lost a loved one, it was a great time to talk to them about Christ. This always seemed screwy to me. My thinking was always along these lines: “What we are basically telling them is not only is their loved one dead and gone, but they are likely in Hell! (Because let’s face it, most people were not saved.) Then I began to see the back pedaling that Christians seemed to do when it came to the gospel being applied specifically to someone who was ALREADY dead. Whenever we were talking about someone already dead, you heard things like “Only God is the judge”, or “You never know someone’s heart”. I heard this applied in so many ways. It was always very concrete when we were dealing with someone who was still alive. They were on a sled ride to Hell if we did not get them saved.

 

And of course there was Hell. I never could reconcile the doctrine of Hell with any kind of loving God. When you open you mind up even a little this kind of belief just falls apart. This is true no matter how much you water down Hell. Eternal suffering and torment is unfair and wrong and unworthy of a supreme being.

 

Once you rule out Hell, the Old Testament Cruelty, the genocides, the Trinity, the divinity of Christ, you pretty much are all done. Once that happens, your mind can wake up. Once this happens the possibilities once again are before you for this life. You can learn to love people. You can stop mistrusting people. You can stop believing in monstrous demons and devils waiting to devour you. True peace will come. You have baggage from all the lies seared into your brain. But I now believe these to will pass.

 

I was a born again Bible believing Evangelical Christian for 17 years. I am now a free thinker and hopefully a productive, loving member of the human race. I was a sincere Christian. Now I am a sincere Ex-Christian.

 

Yours Mick.

[sithprincess]

Amen. Preach on!

 

I don't know why, if the bible is so inspired, it required a council to put it together...

[riverbank]

That was a good read, showed a few good reasons why christianity is worthy of being rejected.

 

I was a christian for nearly as long as you (15 years) and after that length of time deconversion is painful, isn't it? Hope things get better for you what with your family situation etc.

 

cheers