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Guest mousie
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Hey Everyone. thank you for your replies.

 

I grew up in a pentecostal household, but I always thought that it just didn't add up. When I was 17 years old I went to a youth convention and got involved with this home group. The leader was so charasmatic and was able to pull you in just with the things he would say. He also had the ability to make you feel like you were never going to measure up or be good enough for jesus. He would SCREAM in tougnes and if you didn't do the same you weren't praying right. He believe in helping out the drug addicted, and there is nothing wrong with that, if you know what you are doing. He was pulling them in off the street and letting them live in his house, but what was happening was the addicts were getting the chuch kids addicted to drugs (myself included.)

 

One night one of them tried to get me to sleep with him and when I said no he got a little rough. Nothing happened but it still scared me. When I tried to tell the leader he told me that he can't have young girls (I was 17, he was 31) throwing themselves at the men in his house. I was mortified and I wondered why God would alow that to happen. After that I feel into drugs hard and got involved in a really bad relationship. When I decided to leave the relationship I was told that the reason I was getting hurt was because I was sleeping with the guy and that was a sin. When I went to leave they literally chased me to the door, held me down and prayed over me for an hour. When I got up and tried to leave again they told me that God wouldn't help me if I did. At that point I decided God was an ashole and I didn't want to have anything to do with him anyways.

 

There was so much stuff done and said there that was so wrong I can't even type it all here. I feel so alone and like I deserved all of the stuff that happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for sympathy or to be a victim. I've found and married a wonderful man and I'm 2 months clean today :grin: It's just hard to talk to him about this stuff because he's never been there. I'm looking to get on with my life. I just want to be around people who understand, if that makes sense.

 

I just thought I would give you a little of my backgroud, so you know why I can be shy about meeting new people.

 

Mousie

 

PS: I'm 23 now, for those of you wondering

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You have at least one fan here Mousie. I may not agree with everything that you say. And you and I may not always be the sharpest knives in the tool shed, but you seem to me to have an unmatched sincerity which I greatly admire. Again, welcome. I hope your stay here is a pleasant one.

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Hi mousie. Welcome to ex-c.

 

Glad to hear that you're getting free. From religion and from drugs.

 

I'm not quite sure which one will mess you up worse.

 

Sounds like some of the penties you were around were pretty radical. Nice environment to grow up in. :twitch:

 

You're not alone and you're not lost. You're just switching gears. And it sounds to me like you'll do just fine.

 

When people tell you you're living in sin, a pretty good answer is: BITE ME.

 

If someone tried to hold me down and prayer over me for an hour, someone's gonna get hurt when I finally get up. What an experience.

 

Sounds like you're with an okay guy now, though.

 

Anyway, we're glad you're here. Make yourself at home.

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I'm a mousie, too. :woohoo:

 

A good start (or, 'another step' depending on how you wish to look at it), would be for you to get rid of (just let go and forget) of these feelings that you wrote about here.

I feel so alone and like I deserved all of the stuff that happened to me.

 

I understand the lonesome feeling, but you definitely didn't deserve "all of the stuff that happened" to you.

 

Here's the way I see it... Although you are 23 years old, you are relatively a brand new human being. You were born ignorant -- literally -- just like the rest of us. We live, we learn, and life goes on. You're just a young girl, and you didn't know any better. That's all. There's no need to feel guilty about the past. You just move along and make better choices for yourself in the future.

 

Welcome to ExC.

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mousie said:

 

He also had the ability to make you feel like you were never going to measure up or be good enough for jesus.

 

Not good enough for Jesus???? Who's he kidding? Maybe it's because I've spent the past few years studying at a Lutheran school, but this seems about as unChristian as you can get. Jesus died because we weren't good enough for God. At least, that is my understanding of the myth. Ever since, it is believed, humans can get in free. It's grace. Grace is free. We don't have to measure up for JESUS, for crying out loud! Neither the Bible nor any Christian denomination I know of preach that. Glad you got out. There was more going on there than religion. That's my take on it. And it was SICK.

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Welcome to Ex-C, mousie! I'm a former charismatic fundy.

 

You did not "deserve" those bad experiences. There are others on this forum who had awful experiences, too, like Rhia's testimony "And without further ado..." You are not the only one. It is truly appalling what some people do in the "name of God".

 

Hang in there, you will recover. Stay around, this forum is a good place.

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