The Tragic Love Between An Atheist And A Christian: Can It Work Out?

[AtheistMommy]

I have these friends whom I introduced to each other over a year ago. At first they hit it off well, they grew closer and soon moved in with each other. Problem is they moved in with his parents. Their relationship started hitting a slow rut. Both of them would tell me about things that weren't going so well in their relationship.

 

Soon after this they decided they were ready to have a child. Believe me, I do as much preaching about the importance of parents to children to all my friends. If you're not ready to take on this responsibility and give up some of your favorite things to do, don't have a child!

 

They got pregnant within a few months of trying. The baby is due in March. Since the pregnancy their relationship has gone down to almost nothing. No sex, no talking, no comprise or consideration, nothing more than bickering, hate and resentment. I honestly don't know how ether of them can live this way. And still, they continue to complain to me, only this time its about each other.

 

He's the type of guy who loves his space and time alone. This right here makes me wonder why the fuck he wanted a child. She's the type of girl who's quiet and reserved. Only with her, if you ask her a question she will be brutally honest with you. With him, if you ask him a question, he will most likely give you the answer he thinks you want to here. He's also stuck on "brotherhood," a man's man. Friends seem more important than family.

 

I'm not sure either of them are going to like that fact that I'm writing about them. But my main purpose of doing this is to help open their eyes to what's really going on between them. I care, therefore I cannot just watch from the sidelines.

 

Moving on.....

A couple of days ago I went over to their house and asked him to come over to my house because I needed to talk to him. He agreed and said he'd be over on Saturday. I had yet to tell him what I wanted to talk to him about so he assumed it was about his girlfriend. He came over and the first thing out of his mouth was about her. So I made it clear and said what I wanted to talk about wasn't her at all but in fact was about my sister whom he's had a major problem with.

 

He continued to talk about his girlfriend giving me all the complaints he had about her. I made it clear to him that she is pregnant and in her third trimester. He told me about how he tries to make her walk because he thinks its good for her but she complains about cramping. I asked him why he thinks she cramps when she walks. He replies with "I don't know, because she's tired." I explained to him that exercise, especially at this stage of pregnancy can comprise the pregnancy and send her into early labor. His body language said it all. He refused to look me in the eye while we talked and paid attention to other things. Besides this he said "I don't think being pregnant is a good excuse."

 

How cold hearted is that shit!

 

They've been arguing about baptizing the baby. He wants to and she doesn't. I'm sure you can tell which one of them is an Atheist and which on is a Christian by now.

 

Getting back to the talk, he actually said he did not want to marry her. I can see why. He's acting like she's the worse thing that's happen to him in a long time. But he said that if they broke up he'd fight for his child. As if that would give him time alone! I seriously don't think he's thought this though all the way. Or maybe he's just going to give his child to his mommy to raise. I bet that's what will happen if he gets his child. I responded to this with the fact that the family courts are sexist, even today they are more likely to give a child to his/her mom than the dad. I'm pretty sure my words fell on deaf ears.

 

He doesn't quite realize that its in his best interest to stop being such an ass wipe and try and work things out. He wants things his way or no way and that's not going to work in any healthy relationship he tries to get in.

 

I'm throwing a baby shower for them in January. Only he believes that baby showers are for the woman only. He even called his mommy after we talked to cry about how I bitched him out about his girlfriend. His mommy confirmed that baby showers are just for the women. I don't understand how anyone could be so blind and stupid. Baby showers are for the parents because mothers are just as important as fathers. The gifts are for the baby, not mommy or daddy. And so he refuses to attend the baby shower. However, in light of me talking to him, his mother refuses to attend the baby shower too. She said if she shows up she'll most likely have it out with me. Here's to hopping she gets the balls to show up and confront me. I hope she reads this!

 

She told his girlfriend that she doesn't like me because of my "beliefs." Which is funny considering she liked be before and has no idea of what my "beliefs" really are. The only one thing she can be sure of is the fact that I call myself an Atheist and therefore I don't believe in her god. Ignorance consumes her.

 

The one thing that has always bothered me about my friend is the fact that he lives for other people. If they want him to be one way he will do it to make them happy. Back when we first met him he told us that he was an Atheist. Yes, he lied. He admits now that he lied. And its because of this lie that he was not let into my husbands little childish boy club. It was a group of guys who call themselves "The Lush Brothers." I'm sure by the name you can imagine what they do, or I should say did. If you do a search for the name you'll run into their website. They got together every Saturday to drink and chase underage girls. It's been a while since the whole group was together. Once my husband grew up and had a baby some of the others moved away and did the same thing. There are only three of the original "brothers" left here in VA, one of them being my husband. My friend was not part of the original but thinks he can continue on even now that he's got a child on the way. As the past has shown, that just doesn't work out.

 

I'm glad that chapter of my life is over. I'm hoping he wakes up and sees that his life could be much better if he only stopped and met his girlfriend half way. Because what happens between them is going to determine their child's life and the outcome of what kind of adult this child will be.

 

Oh, getting back to my sister. My friend being the hypocrite he is, said she's just let him down one too many times. He wants nothing to do with her and refuses to give her another chance. Despite the fact that he's good friends with someone like her who fucks up even more than she ever has. Part of the reason I talked to him about her was because he did the same thing to me when it came to one of my husband's friends. My sister just happens to be his girlfriends best friend. So I felt I had not only the right to do so but the obligation to do so. However, nothing was solved and my words didn't get though to him.

 

Now, his girlfriend is under extreme stress, which is very bad for a pregnancy, having to deal with his unwillingness to participate in the pregnancy, labor, and birth and she has to deal with his mom threatening to baptize the child after its born without her permission.

 

I'm sure some of you have had something close to the same experiences. What did you do? What is your opinion on all of this?

[Warrior_of_god]

Love Between An Atheist And A Christian: Can It Work Out?

Speaking from personal experience, it cannot. However it does depend upon the people involved. In my experience it has been that sometimes forging ahead can hold a relationship together. Accepting differences can be a hard thing to do, expecially religious ones.

[Taphophilia]

There are tons of red flags here. Your girlfriend needs to get herself out of that situation ASAP, or she will spend her days with an egocentric, narcissistic, wollowing in self pity, bully.

 

I know, I've been there. It will only get worse for her. He will complain to everyone and anyone who will listen about what a rotten excuse for a girlfriend and mother she is, while his best (and only) parenting and relationship skills will be pointing fingers at what she is doing wrong while believing that he is the best father and boyfriend that she could ever hope for. If only she'd straighten up and be everything HE wants her to be, than truly he would be happy (since his happiness is the only happiness that matters).

 

As far as his mother, who is still attached to her baby boy (and never let him grow balls) by that unsevered umbillical cord, it will be all your girlfriends fault for putting all this responsibility on her poor little boy. Your girlfriend was supposed to be a playmate for her son. How dare anyone expect her little boy to be an adult (or have a spine.)

[Clergicide]

What is your opinion on all of this?

 

It doesn't sound like either of them are ready to be parents. Mistake number one was getting pregnant when they can't even support themselves living on their own. Mistake number two was getting pregnant when they aren't even married. If you can't make a commitment to each other, what kind of commitment are you making to this child? Now, I may not have my doctorate yet, but I would safely venture that her motivation in getting pregnant was the common misconception that a baby is a magic bullet and will fix things. That somehow this baby would make him come around, and they would get married, and his parents would truly accept her. This won't happen, it might make a heart warming movie, but it's unrealistic. This is sad, because it would seem she does love him, and think that something is worth salvaging. He's already told you he doesn't intend to marry her, and he's already planning for the inevitable breakup. And he's living in a fuckin fantasy, because he cleary has no grasp on the reality of the situation. You're right about one thing, even if he can afford the kind of lawyer it would take to award him full custody, the reality of being a single parent raising a child in his parents house would have him dumping that baby off on her in heartbeat.

 

The best suggestion, and really the only viable option to disarming this powder keg, would be for both of them move out to their own place 'now', and get into couples counseling. That's their best shot, more importantly it's the best shot for the kid.

 

This guy is probably as easy to manipulate as a limp noodle. The real question is what buttons to push. From what you've said, simply forcing him to recognize the reality of being a single parent in his parent's house would probably push him to get her and the kid out. He's deluding himself into thinking he can do this, but clearly there is a very real sense of responsibility present. That should be exploited, most effectively(again by what you've said) by a trusted male, so that he's less likely to select the cowardly option.

 

That's the best I've got without more information.

[♦ nivek ♦]

Get her the fuck out of that mess AM.. Anything you can do to influence her to split it off with this cretin...

 

Even before the kid arrives he is acting like a spoiled little rope.a.dope punk, nothing to do but bitch and raise hall about her and her "condition".

 

jebuzzfuckmooseballs this 'taint right...

 

Got a similar situation locally. Young lady friend of mine married the guy she thought was Mr. Everything.. Ya bet.. "Everything but her, NOW"..

 

Your post is damn close to my my lady friend is living now.

 

Moved our little lady back to her Dad's and bought her use of my Lady Land Shark to get things rolling on the split her boy, err, halfaMan doesn't want..

 

Your friend needs, if she can, to totally walk away from her jerk and get on with life without someone who is slowly, but surely beating her down.

 

kFL

[white_raven23]

Is your pregnant friend ready for reality?

 

Because the reality is that while relationships might well be able to work between a Christian and and Atheist....THIS relationship is headed straight for hell in a handbasket.

 

Frankly.....getting pregnant was fucking STUPID. Your friend needs to own up that she has made a massive mistake, get pissed at herself for a short while, and get ready to MOVE ON!

 

And the first thing she needs to do is move OUT of her crummy bf's mommahouse. She has NO social support there! And if she thinks she does, or that having a baby would make her an "equal" in the CuntMom's house...she is delusional! It. Don't. Happen.

 

Does she want her kid to spend any amount of time around someone who wants to enforce gender sterotypes that were really outdated 30 years ago? Oh HELL no!

 

Now...does SHE want to raise a kid? It may be too late for an abortion, but it may not be too late for adoption options. Reminder...she is NOT married to the guy that knocked her up. Until the kid is born, he has no legal say over it....unless HE wants to adopt the kid, and in that case, your friend is not beholden financially for the child (of course that means no rights regarding the child).

 

If she wishes to keep the child...she MUST move out of Cuntmama's house before the birth!!! A case could be made that the bf (via cuntmama) is providing support, and is therefore eligible for more visitation, or even custody than your friend would like. Especially if Cuntmama sides with her son and declares her unfit in front of a judge due to drug use or some BS (what? Christians don't lie? MY ACHING ASS!).

 

As for the bf? I say the kid having NO father is better than having a bad father (so many women get this backwards). This guy is NO GOOD! Don't waste time on counselling....it's NOT going to work!! He is an immature fuckoff getting bad behavioral encouragement and support from Cuntmama! Write him off.

[Kurari]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. The only way this could work out is if papa grows some balls and actually matures, which ain't something you want to bank on.

 

These two trying for a baby was extremely stupid and now they both have to buck up and try to fix the mess they've gotten themselves into. Mama needs to RUN before the baby is born and get settled elsewhere and figure out if she wants to raise this baby by herself or put it up for adoption. Because I guarantee this baby is going to make this mess even more of a nightmare once it's born. If she keeps it, she's tied to that immature papa regardless.

 

The difference of their being a Christian and an Atheist are really at the bottom of the list of problems right now. Mostly, they just need to grow up.

[Unknowing1]

Like everyone else says, this girl needs to get out of that house fast. I can't imagine what she is going through having to live with that guy and his mama. She must be in constant stress having to listen to their constant harping and put downs. If it isn't outright mental/verbal abuse it sure is close. Poor thing.

 

The mama and the son's belief about a womans place and their arrogance, the son not having a brain of his own etc. are not things that will change any time soon if at all. They would have to want to change and I'm thinking they don't, it's not them with the problem it's everyone else who doesn't see the world as they do.

 

If this man is hard core fundamentalist I do not see the relationship working out. Liberal Christians are more likely to respect anothers differing belief and less likely to push their own belief off on someone else. This guy more than likely is one of those fundies in sheeps clothes. Outwardly appears to be more liberal to gain acceptance but actually isn't. A dishonest, deceiptful, arrogant, egotisical and abusive person is not someone I would want as a friend and frankly I would help the girl out and then keep my distance from the guy.