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I Sold My Soul For Cheescake!


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It was actually very well done, a musical called "The Christmas Post" but of course it was all about the Lard.


Basically the gist of the story is this: A widow woman in the early 1940's on Christmas Eve is trying to get up just enough money to get her two children those two really special Christmas gifts. So she takes a second job at a retail store. She's a woman of faith who's had nothing but really bad luck for three years since her husband died, and struggles to makes ends meet constantly, but she keeps trying. Her daughter in the play even takes a job as a Newsie in secret so she can get her mom a special gift too.


So, the woman keeps failing throughout the play, gets sneered at by the Requisit Non-Believer, has to battle with Christmas greed and shopping madness, Corperate coldness to her plight, and keeps coming up short of the money. She keeps wanting to give up, everyone keeps encouraging her not to. The store is supposed to close early when she is still just a little short, but she manages to rework things with some help from others to reopen it again on her own for a last minute Christmas Madness sale so she can make the rest she needs on commission.


Of course there is a lot of "Have faith!" and "Miracles happen on Christmas Eve!" going on.


Long story short, in the end everybody gets what they need and even the antagonists learn the "true meaning of Christmas" and get Jesus (of COURSE the Non-Believer gets it). Everybody attributes her coming up with the money as being the Lard's work and performing a miracle on Chrsitmas Eve because that's what Christmas is about.


Well...from a non-believer's stance, I didn't see any miracles. What I saw through the whole play was everybody working their damned asses off and helping each other out. Where the fuck is Jesus in all this? All these people did all this stuff all by themselves! The woman got the money because she worked hard and so did everyone else. No gods there. Just good old fashioned elbow grease and the grace of mankind.


Here are some great gem quotes from it:


"I just don't know what to do. I've been taking steps of faith for three years and where am I? Flat on my face as usual."

"Sometimes the Lord just takes a little longer than we'd like to answer prayers!"


"Maybe I just need a little more faith."

"Don't give up! You don't need more faith, you need to stop focusing on your problems and start focusing on the Lord. When you do, your problems will get solved!"


(and the one that had me twitching in the pew)


Non-Believer: *all pious and humble* "Can I ask you a question? How do you know angels are real? You can't see them!"

Girl: "Well, I can't see the wind either, but I know that's real!"

Non-Believer: "But, you can see the wind doing stuff, like stirring the leaves on the trees."

Girl: "Well, that's how I know angels and God are real. I see them working miracles all the time."

Non-Believer: "But...how is it you can feel God and I can't?"

Girl: "I don't know. I just know. Mom calls it faith. I just call it like I see it."




Anyway, after that the church put out a total dessert spread along with cheesecake, chocolate and caramel fountains, and all sorts of yummy stuff to dip in them. THAT was true heaven. SO totally worth putting up with the all prayers of needing to get Cheesus in my heart after the play. I didn't bother to bow my head or close my eyes during that. Everyone else was doing it that so I wasn't seen....not that I cared if I was.


I went with my Christian friends too. One of them handed me a dollar for the collection plate and I kind of stared at her. She's aware I'm not a Christian. She said "Well, I know you don't have any cash!" Actually, I've got plenty of cash, but I'm certainly not giving it to the church! I think she just gave it to me because she wanted to save me from the embarrassment of looking stingy to the congregation. I don't even go to this church, who cares what they think? I thought about handing it back and telling her No Effing Way, but decided hell...it's not my money. It doesn't matter who throws it in the stupid gold plate.


Afterwards I went up and complimented the guy I think the pastor who was also in the play about the performance (it really was very well done and entertaining, I just wasn't into the message). He asked if we'd ever met. I said no, and we talked for a few moments and I told him I was a friend of a friend who'd been invited. He asked where I went to church. I told him the Buddhist temple by my house.


The look on his face was priceless, but he didn't get to say anything further because another woman wanted his attention and I slipped off when he was distracted. :HaHa:


So. Last night I found the true meaning of Christmas: Forget Cheesus, work hard and take care of your fellow man, and eat cheesecake till you foodgasm. :woohoo:

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Well, Cheesus could be the god of Cheesecake!


And thus you let him into your heart tummy!


And that pastor thinks he's slick. I see the whole "have I seen you before" as a church pick-up line, so he can ask you, "Would you like to join my church?"



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Heh. I have a refrigerator magnet that says coffee is god. There's got to be one that says cheesecake is god somewhere. ;)

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A good cheesecake is worth putting up a lot of BS to get!

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  • 2 weeks later...

What can fill me deep within?

Nuthin but the cream of cheeseeee-cake!


O' precious is the cake

That Albertson's had bay-aye-aked!!!

What a pretty site that did make

Nuthin but the cream of cheeseeee-CAKE!



Shawn :-)~~~BURP!!!

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