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Shawn
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This is my 'testimony' of sorts, on my turn from the Jesus Cult. Caution, some may be upset by this!

 

 

I was raised in a Christian household. My grandfather had made me get baptized at 5. I remember the pastor asking me if I would "accept Jesus". I had no IDEA what this was about, all I knew was I was scared being in a blue robe and being held in a big baptismal thing in front of over a hundred people. A microphone was even held to me so everyone could hear me say, "Yes". I actually thought about it, but I was nervous so I just said "yes".

 

After that, my grandfather made me go every Sunday to this church. I remember when I was 12, some of the deacons there accused me of smoking pot! What happened was I was getting so sick of the sermons that I did not understand anyway I would go to the bathroom and hide for awhile. It was that oppressive. I went to hide out in the bathroom because I fell asleep in service, and would get some grief over it. To this day, I have never done any drugs.

 

The only part I enjoyed was 'cookies and punch' afterwards. THAT WAS IT!

 

I started playing "evil Dungeons and Dragons" at 12, and my family flipped out. They even tried to make me stop forcefully. I kept playing, and drawing fantasy art as well. I can safely say alot of creative thoughts and beliefs came from playing it. Of course, we know that those thoughts must have come from...SATAN! I had to throw that in ;-) On one occasion, a Salvation Army guy came over to pick up a broken washer. He saw I had the dreaded "Dungeon Master's Guide" and sternly spoke with my mom and said "Those books are evil! You let him do that stuff? " He looked at me like he wanted to strike me and said "you like those, kid?!" I felt like saying "get out of here, you freak!"

 

By 18 I rejected the faith. My family had already fallen apart, so I left on my 19th birthday to live with my best friend & his family (who were Catholic, probably a bad choice). I stayed for a year and left on my own, I had been told numerous times heavy metal was evil and fantasy gaming was evil too. My best friend didn't agree with his family though. He did full contact karate and became a black belt eventually...I say that because don't Christianites believe karate is evil? "Jesus let people beat his ass, so why should you defend yourself?" I had thought that a few times.

 

I went into the US Air Force at 22 in Arizona and had a great time at first...I was FREE. I had my own place, my own life, finally! But I had an emotional encounter with a few Christians 18 months later and their ministry group (the Navigators) who witnessed to me, and with enough brainwashing, I started to go to their church. By this time I was a big weightlifter and boxer, I worked out 5 times a week. They told me I was "filled with the spirit of pride" and all my physical activity was "sinful" (unless I was lifting chairs for Jesus, of course). I fought that so hard. They were so phony at times, inviting me to their homes for weekly "hang outs" with fellow believers. They would always get angry that I had usually brought my own food (duh, I was a body builder!). I'd eat some of their stuff, but when you lift weights, you have to watch what you eat and make sure you eat enough. THAT used to irritate me about them. Then later they would complement me on my looks! WTF!?!?! How do you think I got this way? Baloney sandwiches and sprite?!

 

I did not enjoy having pictures taken of me (I was somewhat insecure about my face). They would get angry and say "Shawn, GET IN THE PICTURE!!!" like I was their fucking 10 year old! After a year of this crap, and above what I mentioned, I left. I ended up cursing Jesus and them. I could never recall a good time with them, to be honest.

 

Then came the "we gotta save Shawn!" and they came after me in droves. I had to tell several of them to "get lost" at a mexican restaurant one afternoon. This went on for some time. I had to get hard with them, and then of course "we are sufferin' for Jaysus! That devil in Shawn is making him resist the Lord!" No, your abusive behavior is making me resist you! I have self respect, I guess that was the whole problem! Fuck these kinds of people!

 

Other points, I have never seen so many effeminate men in Christianity, to the point it makes me sick. I do believe in a spiritual realm, I've seen too much of it first hand, before I was a Christian, during, and after I left it. I am more Asian in my spirituality now. I have seen spirits and so on. What really pissed me off is I once witnessed to a gay guy, and after talking with him several times, I felt 'gay' suddenly, as in liking men. WHERE was the 'Holy Spirit' to protect me? Or "Jaysus"?! That episode ALONE made me realize if you start acting a certain way or hanging around people who do so (not just gay, but ANY group or belief system or way of life), YOU END UP LIKE THEM! I'm a MAN, and I like CHICKS, ESPECIALLY HOTTIES! If whoever reading this is gay, I can't apologize. I'm not gay, and if you like to float that way, that's your life, not mine. It’s like the socialism movement in America now, I am not for higher taxes so the poor slobs who like being that way can get Gubment hand outs! That’s a ‘spirit’. If it’s not, why do they all hang out and agree with each other? "Yeah, the rich OWE us sumthin'!" Same spirit! And Christians have an almost similar spirit in that respect..."Give 10% to the church AT LEAST, and dole out cash to every fucker who asks." Why did Jesus say you have to work to eat (and the Apostles said this too, a man is to work), then say give all your cash to the poor? Fuck you, lazy ass! I don't work to help lazy bastards freeload.

 

My point is, you become who you want by acting that way, OR by who you hang out with. I've had friends who were no so well to do. They talk differently than me, and act different. They like me, but I have seen some jealousy at times. I eventually left most of them, too much 'vibe' difference, especially when I became a Hardware Engineer (computers). Same with Christians...they have a specific 'spirit', and it is usually about suffering, giving, church, bible, JESUS, putting yourself down, ect...when I took up Chinese Tai Chi, guess who I attracted? BINGO! Fellow Tai Chi folks, who were not Christians! And my spiritual beliefs are more Asian now. Isin’t that amazing? NOT!

 

I have prayed to the "God of gods", and had miracles done, BUT I REJECTED JESUS THE WHOLE TIME! Explain that one! Am I Jewish? Nope! Was I praying to YHWH? I never uttered that name. My post may seem bad or what have you, but this is exactly what has happened in my life. I have prayed to 'false gods' and miracles were done. I keyed in on GoldenMeadows comment about the "Christ spirit" that enabled her to believe the Bible, even though some things are not quite right in it. The thing alone that kills it for me is, if the apostles couldn’t agree, how great could the whole thing have been? To this day, I remember exactly big things in my life that happened. I am 34 now. How could you not remember if there were 2 angels, or one, at the tomb? Or when the events took place, and in what order. “Oh, it’s not important.” If I told my girlfriend I couldn’t recall the night we got engaged…it would be pretty damn important suddenly! Or when we got married and who was there. ”Oh honey, it’s not important. We have JESUS, so everything else is crap.” Other things; I have read many Christians who had "out of body experiences" (I believe in it), saw Jesus and Heaven, but ALL have a different story, they all cannot be true as they contradict. I have even seen guardian spirits who were not evil at all, but not from JESUS, and protected me! Even drove off some evil jerkoffs for me (living people)! I would never say this to a Christian, as I know the fabled verses already..."even Satan can appear as a minister of light", ect...

 

So, I have to end this, but basically I am not a Christian, never will be again. I believe if you have enough faith and belief, you get what you want, regardless of Jesus's, Mary's, Paul's, Buddha's, ect...YOUR *belief* MAKES them real! OR your circumstance!

 

I do believe in a Creator, but I don't think He's tied to any one person or such. And I am entitled to my beliefs (He), Wiccans! ;-)

 

Shawn

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Hi Shawn

 

Welcome to the boards. Good to hear that you got out of the cult.

 

There are lots of wonderful, sane sensible people to talk to here.

 

Once again, welcome and i hope you enjoy posting and reading here.

 

Cheers

Blue Elephant

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Hi Shawn

 

Welcome to the boards. Good to hear that you got out of the cult.

 

There are lots of wonderful, sane sensible people to talk to here.

 

Once again, welcome and i hope you enjoy posting and reading here.

 

Cheers

Blue Elephant

 

Hey thanks Blue Elephant!

 

At first I was hesitant about posting here, but I see people who have been in the same situation, even the spiritual experiences (which kind of shocked me, but is definitely an inspiration to me). It's cool to see different kinds of former Christians here.

 

Shawn

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Hello Shawn and welcome. You certainly have a right to post here. Even Christians post here once in a while.

 

As the name of the site indicates, this site exists to support exChristians. If you ever were a Christian and are not a Christian now, I think you qualify as an exChristian. Based on the posts exChristians write here and elsewhere, we don't all hold the same beliefs about God and how the world came into being and what will happen when we die. I think we have at least a few members who are now leaders in another religion such as Buddhism.

 

What we do have in common is that we deconverted from Christianity. Some deconverted more than twenty years ago, some are still deciding exactly where they stand, and many deconverted within the last few months or years.

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Hi Shawn,

Welcome, don't worry everyone has their own beliefs or lack of them around here.

I am just within the last few months coming out of xianity, though really it was a much slower longer process when I think about it. For me I am trying to come to terms with the "spiritual experiences that I had" I hung on to them for a while when I still called myself a believer but didn't believe everything. For me personally where I am right now it is easier for me to be a skeptic and agnostic right now...

 

I found that when I was accepting of a spirtitual realm, without xianity that I couldn't wrap my head around what I once believed as a xian to translate that to what I was without xianity... So I just stopped believing, and stopped looking for things to see or feel.

 

I do still treasure those good spirtual memories, and look back at them fondly as something benifical, that helped me cope and gave me compfort and peace.People that knew me durning those days have a really hard time believing that I no longer believe anymore. I still sometimes surprise myself, that I am now doubting the exsitance of a god, I was once so sure of god and the trinity.

 

There is nothing wrong with believing in god or a spirtual realm just as long, as you aren't saying this is the only way, which you aren't doing. I wish you well on this journey, this is a great board. Welcome.

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Shawn,

 

Welcome to this little corner of the 'net that is Dave's House.

 

Pull a seat up, best use of on.ass, on.line time as yet invented. ;)

 

You'll find tons of folks who have similar stories and experiences as yours. Where none of we are "made of the same cloth" many of us are able to tolerate the major differences sans religious bigotry.

 

Every political, physical, religious and maybe some minerals exist here on ExC's boards. Enjoy reading and joining in where you feel so inclined.

 

k, head of basalt, FL

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