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Discussed With My Mom Over The Bible


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So I was able to bring into the conversation how I do not believe that the bible is gods annoniated word... and how many contraditctions there are in the bible.

 

It was a very long winded conversation, and I couldn't get up the nerve to say to my mom that I don't believe in the god of the bible...so why would I ask god to show me what the bible means and help me...

 

She basically justified Paul, as having issues and that colouring what he wrote and how it was a different time...and how god used different people in the bible to write a different perspective so we get the whole picture...huhh but what about the facts being different in each account? Isn't it suppossed to be the divine annointed word of god..not man..... She couldn't really answer my questions other than the pat answers which I already know... She told me I should go take a alpha corse because this is basic xianity, or go to bible school or something...or have fellowship with believers.. I said I had no interest in going to church.. She still didn't get it, said I should just be around believers.

 

Which I have no intention of corse in doing, and well I do have a good understanding of all the basic xian rationale for the beliefs I just can no longer believe it. She is already worried enough about my soul and went on to say that it is the end days, and preached about hell... It started to get at that point where I said I had to get going. I guess I should eventually just come out and tell her that I am an agnostic now. I really do think it is going to upset her greatly as well as the rest of my family, so I think I will wait till after xmas to do that though it might be away of getting out of going to the holiday craziness with them...well not really they would be bugging me even more...

 

I hope i can have the courage to come out to my family, like many of you wonderful folks have done here.I need to make more connections with folks who aren't xian..which is why I went running from the idea of working in a xian run place.

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If you feel strongly about coming out to your family, I hope you can do it.

 

But there's nothing that says that you have to come out to your family. It's been 20 years since I attended church to worship (have been to a few weddings and funerals...), but I've never officially told my family that I don't believe. One of my sisters has figured it out, but my other sister and mother are still quite religious. I decided a long time ago that I would rather have them not know than deal with the hassle if they did know.

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I haven't told my family either and it's been 17 years since I left "the faith." I really see little point to it. I think the only thing it will accomplish is to cause them to worry about my immortal soul. What's the point?

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I geuss, really the only point for me would be that I wouldn't have to pretend to be something I am not. And so that my family could know the real me, and who I am without religion. That being said however I am not sure, it would be worth it all and the worry that they would have for my soul.

 

I ended up spending some time with my family tonight and going to the xmas kids sunday night service with my family... that we would only stay for a while.. after the skit and soangs.. I said can we go now.. I got a ummm in a bit from my mom... then latter I said can we go n ow.... when people were getting their kids to come sit in for the rest of the service. We left then, we got a weird look from my dear aunt who was sitting with us... This was the first time that I had attended church as a agnostic/atheist it was rather strange..

 

I had a variety of emotions from having to restrain myself to laughing out loud, to wanting to roll my eyes. to feeling sad that thease people are being lied to, to anger and relief that I would soon get to go home to my house and live life how I want to, and to choose my life path and not ask god what to do...

 

It was seriously the most hokiest xmas presentation that I have ever been to... and had an angel from the xmas tree coming alive and singing soangs that was sung at bethleham,,, and the angel would sing from the xmas tree every year to the girl until she got too old and didn't hear the music anymore and then when she had a child who heard it she then heard the singing...dumb dumb totally trying to say you have to listen to hear the voice of god.. and then had video interviews of various kids and adults of the church talking about hearing the voice of god and how god talks to them.. blah blah blah.. And gosh darnit no, I don't have a overwhelming desire to go talk their imaginary friend who they hear voices in their head from.

 

I am sure it made my family happy that I went for a bit with them, but it just seemed dumb and a waste of time, and being a fake... I wondered who else was there that didn't believe either, I am sure that there were some others too but it was sure a small attendence. I kind of worry that if I did come right out and say that I don't believe in god at all that my family might stage an intervention or something. They are a little loopy, to begin with... my mother was having car trouble and was praying for angel mechanics to come fix the car... yep she is a nut..

 

In a strange way, now that I have rejected my family and xians teachings, I have more strenght to tolerate, ignore and deflect my families craziness. I feel no guilt in not going to church or my spirtitual walk, I know that my family is a little wacky but am trying really hard to not let her craziness and negetive energy effect me. Or let her boss/ control me..

 

So maybe for now, it would be wise just to be a doubter in their eyes, at least that is in some way still being true to myself. Maybe I need to focus more of my energies on other things and making connections with people outside of xianity. For until I went to get out of it, I did not realize how xian centered the people around me were. It looks like my xian friends and I are falling away anyhow. So a new year is coming, so I think I will join the local humanist association, I was actually going to go today to the coffee group, but was running too late to make it, and just do more thinks I enjoy and maybe take up a new group activity too. I have never been one to just do something for the sake of apperances sake... so maybe they will figure it out eventually but I kind of doubt it. I could always tell them that I am joining the humanist association.. that might be a tip off..or maybe not.

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some way still being true to myself.

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

 

-- William Shakespeare

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I've told my parents and an aunt (we were talking about religion and stuff, and I was a bit surprised when I found out that she's agnostic too, and has views very similar to mine on religion), but I refuse to tell my grandparents. My grandma on my mom's side probably would understand, but I'm not sure because we never talk about religion. Besides, since we never talk about religion, there's no point in bringing it up! As for my grandparents on my dad's side... They're a lot more religious than the rest of us, and I think they'd worry needlessly over me if they found out. And they'd also probably (wrongfully) blame it on my mom. They already don't like my mom, thinking that she's the reason my dad rarely talks to them (actually, the times he DOES call them it's 'cause my mom practically ordered him to!), and that she's been a "corrupting influence" on him, when it couldn't be more the opposite. Also, they're having enough trouble with my grandma having Alzheimer's, so there's really no reason to tell them.

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