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I Am Starting To Hate The Holidays


Mike D
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I hate the holidays. And it doesn't have anything to do with me being an atheist and the whole religious aspect of it, I actually always liked Christmas from a holiday aspect. What I am starting to hate is that as the years go by my family just gets more messed up and so there's no joy in it anymore, so for 2 weeks every year it has become nothing but a time of depression and stress. And I rarely ever get depressed on my own, it's only when I am around my family. It's basically having to alter my whole life and travel somewhere I don't want to go and stay in a place I don't want to stay and more or less conform to everyone else and their bad diets and lack of exercise and smoking and drinking and neurotic behavior. And since I have to go there this week, I can feel myself already starting to tense up and the anxiety building in anticipation of the next 2 weeks. Ugh.

 

Although it sort of pains me to say this, have you ever just wished you had a new family? Or, wished you didn't have a family at all? :shrug:

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Did you steal a page out of my journal? At the risk of sounding cliche' I feel the same way. Except for my mother I often wished that I had a different family entirely. Sometimes, I even wonder if I'm adopted and there might be a better family waiting for me(no such luck being that my family members and I all look alike to some degree or another). To me the holidays with my relatives is just a chore that I get through. I loathe my older brothers and their ugly ass children. But I grin and bear it for the sake of...Hell, I don't even know. About a month ago I skipped Thanksgiving altogether and went to a movie instead. I really don't want to be around my family right now.

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Good at least I know I am not the only one, I thought I was just being excessively mean. I wish I could agree and say it was a chore, but I think chores are more bearable at this point :HaHa:

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I've hated going to family Christmas gatherings even when I was a young kid. When I got older, but still had to go, I would make sure I had something to drink because I couldn't handle all the stress and negativeness, I'd get too depressed. Nowadays I rarely go, it's just more fun to do something else and more healthy. I always thought it was sad that I didn't like family gatherings and I often wished I had a different family.

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I would make sure I had something to drink because I couldn't handle all the stress and negativeness

Believe me sometimes I wish I did drink just because I think it would be easier to handle. Probably the best thing is to not go, but my father is ill and I am pretty much just doing it for him...

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I've loathed the hellidays more and more with each passing year, starting the year my father's parents died. The part that irks me the most is the expectation of gift-giving on everybody's part. Fuck, I don't mind being generous with people, but I'd rather give of my time and hospitality than cough up some fucking present on demand, simply because That's What People Do This Time of Year.

 

And my family's just intense. I've come to a point where I simply can't take them in anything other than small doses. I don't know what it is; nobody's generally mean or cruel or anything like that anymore, they're just... a handfull still. And honestly, there are certain family members that I don't like as people, so I just don't like being around them in the first place.

 

And maybe a lot has to do with this feeling of alienation I've had for about the last decade. Really, my dad's parents were the family members I was closest to, and they're dead. I don't really know the rest of these people I'm related to, and they don't know me, and even though we hang out sometimes for family get-togethers and talk about superficial crap, it's been a long time since I've seen any sign that anybody is interested in getting to know each other as actual PEOPLE.

 

So spouse and I are staying home this year. We have our little dollar store tree up, that we bought when the first Xmas we moved in together and were so fucking broke we couldn't afford anything else, and we have some lights, and our pooches. And we'll probably pick up something great to eat for dinner, and a nice bottle (or two or three or ten) of wine, and after dark take our pups for a walk around the neighborhood to go look at people's xmas lights.

 

Closer to New Year's we'll probably visit my parents and grandma down at the beach house, since they're going to take her down there. And we'll probably have a nice little dinner there or something too. But fuck, I'm just not into all the fucking hoopla at all this year. 2006 has been miserable anyway, no need to top it off with a crappy family helliday bunch of bullshit.

 

I think I'll be getting most of my relatives shares of animals and trees from Heifer International anyway. Or something like that.

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