This Is Hell

[truth]

I just have a few minitues..

but my family is insane and my one aunt is making everyone misreable... I cannot stand the negative energy here.. I can't wait for this christmas to be over...some people are nice but really this is nuts.... I have snuck away for a few minutes.. will write more soon... Ahhhh and they are suppossed to be christians but are so fffin mean and nasty...Gootta get back to the crazy people..help..

[Bobo]

You must tell all when you get back! I hope things go alright... families are annoying.

[Mike D]

Heehee. I am not laughing at you I am laughing with you. I just got back from a big family xmas at my sister's house. That actually wasn't too bad considering how dysfunctional my family is, but I still have another week of my family and their neurotic, obsessive/compulsive behavior that goes along with it before I can go home. So I am still in hell for another week .

[truth]

Okay so this is how the day went....I woke up at quarter to 8 in my grandparents livingroom..got up made breakfast had a cup of tea...so far good nice watched the birds outside..called my nice aunt to see if I could go in with her to visit my favorite grandma who has dementia really bad in the nursing home...

 

So my NICE aunt picks me up we go visit my grandmother who is asleep in the lounge with a santa hat on..wake her up..tell her it is xmas and walk back to her room and have a visit.. She keeps asking when I flew in... I haven't seen her in a while..I think she thinks I live out of provience or something..anyhow we have a depressing nice visit..as I try to be happy and remind her it is christmas and help her open her presents and give her a card that I had painted and made. We sang carols... it was nice... but it was very sad seeing her so bad... and seeing the spirt and light had gone out of her eyes was perhaps the hardest.. and leaving her there in the nursing home.. when she so badly wanted to come with us..was hard as I had felt bad before that we were leaving her there on christmas day.. but really I am glad in the end that we did, and she seemed okay when we left that she would get a turkey lunch and we would come back soon again.. My aunt said it was the best she had seen her in months.. I don't think she is going to be around for that much longer she will be 88 in a few weeks. I love her and it is sad to see her this way..and sad to hear her say "why didn't I know it was christmas I didn't get you anything" I said that's okay we get to spend time together.. which made her happy. So this was the good part of the day....

 

I get back to my grandparents house... start to make some lunch.. make some appys and check on the turkey that I put in the oven a few hrs earlier.. my mom and sister arrive in a whirlewind with bags and bags of presents that they can't afford and food for the big dinner this evening. My sis and I bring in bags unpack food..and then make food... my mom is nattering and yelling orders for things she wants my sis and I to do.. I mostly ignore her and get her a few things when I can... so i am breathing through all this and thinking I want to go home now and forget dinner.. I know from this point on it is going to go downhill... but I think I can cope with this.. soon it will be present opening time..

 

We open a few presents my mom and sis and I and grandparents... then my uncle calls we talk to him and some aquanitinces drop by so we stop the presents... my mom and sis run home.. I go grab a few minutes by myself.. Then we open more presents and the rest of my extended family arrive.My nice aunt... and then my mean aunt her husband daughter and friend... this is when all hell starts to break loose.. K.. she is really nuts... this behaviour isn't really new for her.. just worse..

 

She is doing the carrots and potatoes and deserts.. We are doing the cooking at my grandparents house.. I have a cauliflower set out on the counter.. we have just put on brusselle sprouts and homemade cranberry sauce.. She says.. we don't need a cauliflower no one wants to eat that on christmas just do a little bit... OK so I just kind of ignore her at his point.. whatever I can cook what I want to... So she is doing the carrots but has only brought a few.. we are expecting 12 people this year... She puts the potatoes on.. we are getting the turkey out I have the cauliflower boiling at this point on the stove.. She gets mad and says I need a burner for the potatoes the potatoes are more important than the cauliflower move it.. I say just a minute.. we are just moving the turkey and can put the potatoes on the big front burner.. SHe is angry and I am starting to get pissed... She says we don't need tons of vegtables two is fine.. I said something like well some people like other things and things that are important to others may not be to you.. I mean wtf.. It is Christmas dinner for petes sake.. can't we just all be happy..

 

So after that she went into the livingroom and aparently sat down and had her arms crossed the whole time... my other aunt tried to talk some sense into her.. ( the mean aunt is my moms sister who they never have gotten along with and the nice aunt is my dads sister..)

 

So just as this is happening my father.. who I have been estranged with.. and who is a chronic alcholic arrives at the door..great we think.. we had at this point been hoping that he wouldnt' show up.. and yep he had been indulging in the "spirts" so.. we get dinner on the table my mean aunt is making snide comments of how not to put the cauliflower near my grandfather.. some smells sometimes bug him... but he is fine with cauliflower and cheese sauce my grandma loves it and would eat it all the time around him... I bite my tongue.. she wants a fight.. she is really unbalanced and is on medication already as is her daughter.. but gee I think she needs to go away for awhile somewhere.. My family eats really weird blan food.. for them mash potaotoes are potatoes boiled and then mashed... nothing on them... I know this..so I make a small portion with butter and sour cream salt and pepper for the few of us that like yummy normal food.. My "happy" dad has some and I... and my potaotoes get turned the nose up.. fine I don't care... But holy crap.. She had this whole undertone and wouldn't help or speak to the rest of us.. I had to go out a few times I had had enough.. and the tension was so bad.. my grandparents I think we oblivious to it. I went out and cried a couple times and then came back.. I just can't believe family can be so mean.. the issue wasn't really the menu or organziation but CONTROL and INSANITY. I am never going to do a dinner over here with the whole family ever again.

 

Durning desert, I snuck out and had a couple nips of wine.. I had to go back out to open stockings and to try to be happy. To try to enjoy christmas to give my dad his first aid kit I made him and the card.. I painted which made him actually cry. I hate it that my dad is this way and hate it that everyone knows and that my mean aunt tries to do "good deeds and give him and his neighboors things.. I hated how she was nice to everyone else tonight but me and my mom.. I just wanted to scream go away from him... find someother poor people to give stuff to.. I mean I am glad they are getting things.. I just hate my dad being her lattest do gooder project to get more jewels in her crown in heaven.

 

Finally they leave.. my aunt takes my dad home..we try to figure out what we are doing latter.. my mom goes into stress mode.. trying to put away everything... I am so stressed from trying to keep it together all day.. that I start crying.. and trying to put stuff away.. my nice aunt calls back.. she is going to a friends house.. which we were invited too.. my sis has a headache my mom is tired.. they don't want to go.. I NEED to get out and have some fun.. or I am going to crack.. I just know it.. and I don't want to go home alone its 8 pm by this time..

 

SIGH... I go out with my aunt.. It is fun we sing a few soangs have some apple cidar no alchol another xtian home... anyhow... they are fun and they aren't crazy... we laugh and eat

more sweets and chocolate.. Call and check and see if my mom and sis want to do something now after a rest... NO my sis is sleeping and mom is at home watching the weather network and doesn't want to go out. So we stay and watch Princess Diaries till 1230 am... Okay I know lame movie but it was cute and it was with a family with a 13 yr old girl. and we ate chips and had cidar and laughed.. I wish my sis could have come. I get dropped off almost 1 back at my grandparents.. I would have packed up my stuff had I known it was going to be so late.. or just gone home but they were expecting me back and would be worried when the got up to see if I didn't come back tonight.. So I am here again in the cold cluttered back room on the computer ranting away to you all.. and sipping some nice australian wine which I am really really glad I brought.. If my dad hadn't of showed I would have brought the wine out infront of my mean aunt.... it would have been kind of fun..

 

I hear my grandparents getting up... I hope they don't notice I am up still and tell me to get to bed.. LOL I will creap into bed in a bit for now I am trying to de winde.. And yes I am trying hard to focus on the good parents of the day..to not let the madness win..I spent xmas here to make my grandparents happy.. and mom a bit.. and really it isn't too bad here NOW.. they are a bit controlling in their own way too but have mellowed somewhat in their old age.. my grandfathe is 88 and my grandma 82 and has early dementia too..I know they are happy I am here and I do love them...my grandfather has been a dad to me as a kid and would do anything for us.. Am getting all teary here has been a very emoitional day.. am sorry this is so long and crazy... And all thease folks are suppossed to be xtians..

[Amethyst]

I don't understand why your aunt would make such a big deal about cauliflower. It's just a vegetable, and you were cooking it, it wasn't like you asked her to cook it or something. Everything was done in the end, right? So why make a fuss? Could the medication combined with stress be making her worse? I know when my mom had cancer, her medication gave her whacked-out mood swings, and she wasn't exactly stable emotionally to begin with.

 

I think people make a bigger deal about holiday dinners than really needs to be made. Everything doesn't have to be 100% perfect, so long as everyone is there and there is food to eat and it's decent food.

 

At least you are visiting your grandparents, which is something that not a lot of people do anymore. Nursing homes can really suck the life out of people.

[Kelli]

Hi truth,

 

I've had many holiday's past that are similar to the way yours went. It was in a way refreshing to not have to do any of it this year.

 

My MIL and GMIL are two of the most controlling, dominating women you have ever met. They could easily put Ray Barone's mother to shame. My MIL took over our wedding plans before we were married, then her and GMIL proceeded to try to convince my wife to divorce me for years afterward. Holidays were hell. I won't go into details but my experiences with this family are similar to what you just wrote.

 

I feel for you. And yes, it's sad to see family members in a state like your grandmother is. Unfortunately, it's always the good family members who get dementia or cancer. The ones you wish would drop dead or become incapacitated never do.

[godlessgrrl]

Jeez. I'm sorry your helliday was such a pain in the ass, truth. I hope you're able to defuse and eventually sift something good out of it all.

 

It's because of years of hellidays a lot like yours that I chose to bail on my family this year. They're not quite as apeshit crazy anymore, but it doesn't matter much, it just gets too stressful anyway, just to have to put on a fake smile and act like everything is perfect.

 

Your mean aunt sounds a lot like my mom can be. Just utterly controlling, down to every nitpicky detail. That can be really really frustrating, because most of the stuff just isn't A Big Deal™ at all, it's just little crap that doesn't matter.

 

I dunno. Maybe some people focus on the tiny stuff like that because they feel so out of control everywhere else in their lives, and the little stuff is actually controllable.

 

Anyway tho. Hang in there, and I hope New Year's is way better than the rest of the hellidays have been for ya.

[Leaf]

I can relate my sister is a pastors wife..Always has to tell me about Jesus and gives me sermons on how far I have backslid..To be honest....when i visit or call I have to make it short or religion can really hurt our relations.i didnt talk to her once for 2 yrs becasue of religion..So I'm tring to put it aside and still have a sister. I guess it comes with life...Some things just try to avoid talking abouit and if it comes up change the conversation.

[truth]

Well I am at home now.. just had a shower ahhh am looking at my pretty red tulips and am so glad that I am an adult and can choose who I want to be around and how I am going to react to them.

 

This is the first time, I have ever had the wrath of my aunt on ME usually it is directed just at my mom... I know it is crazy worrying about nit picky details.. i am such a easy going person... so I usually just let a lot go which I probally shouldn't. Life is too short to fret about things.. I could have been mean back but wasn't I could have threatned to leave like she has done in the past but I wouldn't do that for that is what she would have wanted..

 

What made me sad this morning was my poor grandfather thought my cousin was mad at him for turning the cd up while she was watching tv durning xmas dinnner and napping on the couch with her friend.. so she got up in a snit and went for a long walk just as we are going to eat dinner...so my mom ended up telling him the saga of what happened with my aunt her mom... and a couple of comments my mom said to my 17 yr old..my grandfather was mad at my cousin for being so silly and rude as well. He was sad that his daughters can't get along and that she was so mean to me. He was so happy I stayed over two nights and wanted me to stay tonight as well.. I said I needed to get home which I do and that I will mostlikey come back tonight for leftovers but go back home.

 

It is his 88th birthday in a few days.. my uncle is coming over for it. He smartly stayed away for xmas... but it will be crazy with my aunt controlling everything.. I will just visit with my grandparents and let her do everything.. her kid is old enough to lift a finger to help at that age I was able to help doing everything and was given crap if I wanted to slack off for a few minutes.

 

I know that how I am living my life is good and moral... and I am happy and so glad that I have coping skills... and know that I have grown enormously over the past year.... seeing what religion does to people is perhaps one of the best reasons to leave it... well I just got a call from my nice aunt so I am going over to very right wing xtian get together that will be interessting and hopefully some fun and good food..

[Kurari]

I sympathise, Truth. We don't have any other family around here, so it's just my mother and brother. My mother tries SO very hard to make Christmas "not a big deal" that she just ruins it. She tells you what she got you as a gift before you get to open it, and doesn't even bother to do much in the way of decorating or cooking. I think she's retaliating against having to do fancy Christmases when we were little and has swung from one extreme to the other. She also has no idea how to store food properly, so I am leery of eating anything that I haven't personally bought or prepared. My brother just goes out of his way to be an ass. He brings up subjects like war attrocities, politics, electronic music, and other crap that is a mood ruiner. And he deliberately leaves me out of the conversation or starts talking in other languages my mother can understand but I can't. They also both smoke like chimneys even during dinner and it's disgusting.

 

So sitting around with them is like sitting alone in a smokey bar. This is why I avoid holidays with my family now and enjoy it with other people's. I hope someday you can find family that lets you enjoy the holidays.

[R. S. Martin]

Thanks for sharing, everyone. It helps me see that my family is not so different from a lot of other families. Everyone wants everything perfect according to THEIR idea of perfection....