Kelli Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Just some thoughts on this from The Cat, as it seems the topic comes up quite a bit... My wife remained in the church for quite a bit longer than I did. For a while I wondered if she would ever come around, but I did not badger her, tried very hard not to get into fights about religion and eventually she did. Along the way she had the same questions it seems many spouses of ex-christians do; will my (deconverted) spouse cheat on me, did they leave the church because they want to be able to cheat/lie/whatever without feeling guilty? Will they become abusive? The great thing about deconversion, at least for me, and it seems many others, is that it actually becomes easier to become a loving, caring, thoughtful person as a non-christian! When I unloaded all that self-imposed guilt and was free to be who I was, I became a much less irritable, more thoughtful, more caring person. I found it easier to love her and to look past the things I disliked about her (though there aren't many things I dislike about her, LOL). I found that I wanted more than ever to be with her and please her. I didn't have to say a word. My wife saw the changes. It took a while for her to believe that the changes were legitimate, but eventually she came around (of course, I credit this in large part to her intelligence and ability to think for herself). I have heard many other deconverted christians say the same things about their own situations. You see, you can use the same tactic christians try (or at least claim) to use when witnessing to non-christians. You captivate them with you -- with who you are and what you have become. Actions speak so much louder than words, as the cliche goes... So don't worry, just be yourself. You'll be surprised at the positive changes leaving christianity can bring about, and eventually so will your spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Just some thoughts on this from The We were both god fearing church attending catholics for 18 years of our marriage. I recently deconverted and now regard all religion as bull. We both attend occasionally for the kid's sake who are learning "the faith" in catholic schools. Happily, I discovered my wife no longer attends church unless she has to and although unspoken, I am sure she shares my atheist feelings. It is refreshing to know we could both care less about the baggage of religion any longer. It actually makes me hotter for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delicate_Catastrophe Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Just some thoughts on this from The We were both god fearing church attending catholics for 18 years of our marriage. I recently deconverted and now regard all religion as bull. We both attend occasionally for the kid's sake who are learning "the faith" in catholic schools. Happily, I discovered my wife no longer attends church unless she has to and although unspoken, I am sure she shares my atheist feelings. It is refreshing to know we could both care less about the baggage of religion any longer. It actually makes me hotter for her. Time to get the kids out while there's still time! They can decide later on, when they are old enough to do so, whether or not they wish to be involved. If you think your wife doesn't really believe anymore, I'd say it's time for a talk about all of it - what she feels, what's best for the children, etc. There is never a time when she HAS to attend, and if you believe all religion is bull, why do you think it's good for the kids for you to go to church? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted December 30, 2006 Author Share Posted December 30, 2006 I am sure she shares my atheist feelings. It is refreshing to know we could both care less about the baggage of religion any longer.It actually makes me hotter for her. Maybe one of these days you'll get to talking about it. That'd be cool. And I agree, when I left christianity it made me totally hot for her. When she confessed that she was bisexual it made me even hotter for her, LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Just some thoughts on this from The We were both god fearing church attending catholics for 18 years of our marriage. I recently deconverted and now regard all religion as bull. We both attend occasionally for the kid's sake who are learning "the faith" in catholic schools. Happily, I discovered my wife no longer attends church unless she has to and although unspoken, I am sure she shares my atheist feelings. It is refreshing to know we could both care less about the baggage of religion any longer. It actually makes me hotter for her. Time to get the kids out while there's still time! They can decide later on, when they are old enough to do so, whether or not they wish to be involved. If you think your wife doesn't really believe anymore, I'd say it's time for a talk about all of it - what she feels, what's best for the children, etc. There is never a time when she HAS to attend, and if you believe all religion is bull, why do you think it's good for the kids for you to go to church? We decided that they can be exposed to it now and as their first teachers they are being schooled in the catholic faith. With our careless attitude toward religion, I am sure they will drift away as they become of age. It would be too difficult, socially, as the attend catholic school. (The education is much better at the elementary level as I am a public school teacher in fourth grade for the last 26 years.) I know it is hypocritical, but we have agreed to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusieQ Posted January 1, 2007 Share Posted January 1, 2007 The great thing about deconversion, at least for me, and it seems many others, is that it actually becomes easier to become a loving, caring, thoughtful person as a non-christian! When I unloaded all that self-imposed guilt and was free to be who I was, I became a much less irritable, more thoughtful, more caring person. I found it easier to love her and to look past the things I disliked about her (though there aren't many things I dislike about her, LOL). I found that I wanted more than ever to be with her and please her. I didn't have to say a word. My wife saw the changes. It took a while for her to believe that the changes were legitimate, but eventually she came around (of course, I credit this in large part to her intelligence and ability to think for herself). I can attest to this!! He is much less irritable and has developed a forgiveness of other's faults--realizing that we all have them. And an amazing thing to me is that--after leaving christianity his physical heart problems were miraculously healed--christians talk about healing--I have never seen true healing from prayer. But I have seen my husband's heart heal when doctors said it wasn't possible. I think we heal ourselves by the attitude we hold--if we love and care and try to see things positively we stay healthier. It has been founded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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