Jump to content

Christian Feelings - Were They Real ?


Guest gabriel
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest gabriel

I'm in the process of writing a (approaching) 20-page long document, anti-testimony and anti-Christian rant which I hope to, when it is complete, will pass to all my pastors, friends and family to announce my deconversion. I hope to allow you all to audit it when the time is right.

 

A big claim I make in there is that most Christians only pay lip-service to the Gospel and it's doctrines, that the "religious" experiences they claim to have had (healings, being convicted by a verse, etc) are at best shallow, and at worst, fabrications. That all Christians are hypocrites and by their own standards, are unable to make it to heaven.

 

This has proven to be true in my case, but I'm curious about your opinions. How many of you, now with the advantages being distanced from this nonsense, consider these things to have been "fake", or were you "genuinely convicted", even if it was to a small degree? Do you miss having a relationship with "God"?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A big claim I make in there is that most Christians only pay lip-service to the Gospel and it's doctrines, that the "religious" experiences they claim to have had (healings, being convicted by a verse, etc) are at best shallow, and at worst, fabrications. That all Christians are hypocrites and by their own standards, are unable to make it to heaven.

 

There will be a few fakers, but for the most part I'd say that their convictions are genuine. If their beliefs are genuine then the convictions will be. However, I can see your argument since there are so many churchgoers who don't really believe but only go because they're expected to or go out of habit.

 

Do you miss having a relationship with "God"?

 

I miss the feeling of having that extended church "family" more than the relationship with Jayzus. That plus having a connection with tradition. After deconversion it's been interesting learning about the long and largely untold tradition of atheism - hundreds of writers, scientists and politicians that I previously didn't know were atheists.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The best example that comes to mind is in the movie the Matrix. Would you want to be Cypher and go back into the Matrix? Some people may say yes. Not me

Once you realize it's not real there is no point in returning. And from my experience the "extended family and or friends" turned out to be just as fake as the religion. The so called sheep of God quickly turned to viscious blood sucking wolves that tried to destroy me for questioning the system.

Christianity provides a fanasty world to live in where you play dumb and pay the church for friends who are as real as God himself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How many of you, now with the advantages being distanced from this nonsense, consider these things to have been "fake", or were you "genuinely convicted", even if it was to a small degree? Do you miss having a relationship with "God"?

When I was a Christian I pretty much "believed" to the extent that I was only a kid, so whatever my parents and adults in my church told me, I accepted as fact on the assumption that they wouldn't lie to me. Now in hindsight, I see there was nothing personal to support my beliefs, in other words I never had any personal experiences that convinced me of anything. I remember when I went to alter call and "accepted Jesus into my heart" for the first time of many attempts -nothing happened, I never felt like a "new person", and I didn't feel like I was any better or worse than I did 2 minutes before.

 

As for god, I never felt like I had a "personal relationship" with him. In fact now the whole idea of people having "personal relationships" with invisible friends seems absurd. It's funny how if a child has invisible friends past the age of about 6 we start to question their mental health.... but if an adult has invisible friends everyone smiles approvingly and we call that person "religious". Talk about double standards.... :Wendywhatever:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was a Christian, I really believed my personal experiences were from the divine. I believed that God spoke to me. I believed that I had the Holy Spirit. I believed that when I went to Church and sung praises to God, the Holy Spririt opened himself within my heart.

 

Now I understand that God wasn't speaking to me, it was my own thoughts. I understand that when a bunch of people get together and become collectively emotional, a person feeds off the emotions of the group. I thought I was speaking in a prayer language given to me by the Holy Spirit, no I wasn't, I can still speak in tounges. I did fake a little. I wasn't really slain in the spirit, I pretended to be and I know everyone else did also.

 

What I miss about Christianity is believing I have a magic sky daddy who will eventually make everything in my life all better. I never had to worry about anything because my magic sky daddy, who can beat up all the other magic sky daddies, was on my side.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd have to say that at the time, my experiences were very genuine. I got "saved" at age 15 at what I will call a "christian juvie facility." The day I got saved, I was in a Tuesday night prayer meeting. I had been hearing all about being saved since I was about 9, but never really understood it. Something, and I don't know what really, clicked with me that night. I just started bawling my eyes out and wanted to be saved so badly I couldn't take it any longer. I can even remember the pastor who prayed with me. He was a very kind, softspoken man.

 

After I prayed that prayer, I felt light and free. I really felt as if something had changed inside. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. I stayed in that facility 9 more months, and after that I came back home and began going to a baptist church with my mother. Christianity guilted me into getting married young (can't have sex before marriage and surely you can't masturbate either, but if you "burn with lust" for a girl, go ahead and get married, even if you're still just a kid...)

 

It's been a rough road ever since. I've been booted in the ass by christians and the church so many times I can't count them all. Hell has nothing on what the church can dish out right here on earth. But still, I kept the faith and believed that somehow jesus was in all of it, even if the people were corrupt. In the latter few years as a christian, after going through yet another church scandal at a baptist church (I must tell you about this one someday soon...) we turned to trying a charismatic church because my business partner's brother went there. My sisters were charismatic when I was young (that's how I was exposed to non-catholic christianity from age 9), so it wasn't too big a deal. Except the tongues things...

 

When I was young, my sister used to speak in tongues as did everyone in her church when I visited there. Fascinated with this seemingly magical power, I asked her how she did it. She said "It will just happen, when the holy spirit decides to give it to you."

 

I can't stand being a phony. When we started going to the charismatic church, they tried to persuade us to speak in tongues. I was convinced at that point that some, if not many or even all, faked it. I told myself that if tongues were real, then speaking it would just come with no effort on my part, despite being told to "just start uttering some sounds to get it started." Guess what? It never did happen. When I hear people "speaking in tongues" today, I just laugh. It's obviously fake, and the idea that people will perform such nuttiness is just pathetic.

 

There is only one incident which I can't explain. We were going to the last church I attended with any regularity. We were more deeply involved in this church than any other. There was a guest preacher at this church, and he was going to heal anyone who would step forward of their illnesses. Since moving to Virginia, I had developed severe spring allergies, so bad that it almost drove me insane. In desperation I went forward. This guy muttered some prayer, then put his hand on my forehead and wouldn't you know it, but down I went. I felt numb. I still had that determination that I would never fake anything, so I don't really know how it happened, it all happened so fast. I wasn't healed though, I can tell you that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.