I'm Changing My Full Name

[AKR]

i have decided to change my full name. at first, i was going to go by my middle name and change my last name, because my first name (reuben) has to be spelled for everyone, and my last name does to. if someone hears my last name, it must be spelled. if someone reads my last name, i must pronounce it for them. it's a giant pain in the ass. i also just don't like having my dad's last name.

 

but lately, i got to thinking, i want to change my full name because my first name and my middle name (joshua) are both biblical names. it was the first example (and a lasting one) of my parents choosing my belief system for me; the first example of them pushing their shitty religion on me. so i'm going to change my entire name. not only do i not like having biblical names, but i feel so different from my family that a last name change seems appropriate. they are all fundies; every relative i know is religious. so i'm changing it all.

 

i feel this is one symbol of me choosing my own path. have any of you felt the need to do the same?

[roman]

i have decided to change my full name. at first, i was going to go by my middle name and change my last name, because my first name (reuben) has to be spelled for everyone, and my last name does to. if someone hears my last name, it must be spelled. if someone reads my last name, i must pronounce it for them. it's a giant pain in the ass. i also just don't like having my dad's last name.

 

but lately, i got to thinking, i want to change my full name because my first name and my middle name (joshua) are both biblical names. it was the first example (and a lasting one) of my parents choosing my belief system for me; the first example of them pushing their shitty religion on me. so i'm going to change my entire name. not only do i not like having biblical names, but i feel so different from my family that a last name change seems appropriate. they are all fundies; every relative i know is religious. so i'm changing it all.

 

i feel this is one symbol of me choosing my own path. have any of you felt the need to do the same?

Neither myself nor any of my five siblings were given Judeo-Xian names; we were given Celtic names. I did the same for my son, who did the same for his son. My "last name" is already a changed name, due to incompetent census-takers and other bureaucrats of the time of my ancestors' arrival in this country. I did "shorten" my name during my years as a performer.

 

I believe that changing one's name to something of one's own choosing can be liberating and positive. Good luck with your new self, however it comes out.

[Scarlett]

i feel this is one symbol of me choosing my own path. have any of you felt the need to do the same?

 

I can totally relate and I have legally changed my full name for the same reason. Both my first and middle names were WAY too Christian for my taste (hell, one of them even meant 'follower of Christ' and the other was biblical). My last name: I always had to spell it out and correct people because they never could pronounce it right. I hated that! Constant pain in the ass, particularly at doctor's offices, etc.. Also, my very religious family referred to themselves collectively by that last name, so in my mind I associated it with them and part of me always will. I have no regrets about the name change as I feel it was symbolic of shedding the last bit of Christianity.

 

And I had a lot of fun picking out a new name. I must admit though, I have gotten a lot of flak for changing my name, hardly anyone understood why I wanted to do so and would argue with me telling me I had a nice name. Everyone also assumed my mother would be hurt or offended that I wanted to change my name; she wasn't in fact she encouraged me to! (Methinks because she had also left Christianity and was one of the very few who understood why I wanted to be rid of my former name. I took my mother's maiden name as my new last name. So she was very happy.)

[godlessgrrl]

I got lucky with my given name. It's tremendously Welsh, no Xian connotations at all... except for my former middle name, which used to be a feminized French version of the name "John".

 

I changed my name a couple of times anyway though, for various reasons, though none of them were particularly religious. When I married the first time I changed my middle name to "Iris" and adopted my now-ex's last name, as most women do when they marry. Both name changes were a statement: I changed them both because I no longer wanted to share any association with their sources. The woman who I got my original middle name from became a very nasty person towards the end of her life, while at the time I was also involved in emotional conflict with my family, so was ready to take on my then-spouse's name.

 

When I divorced I kept the middle name, but changed back to my maiden name, because after all it's the same last name as my dad's parents, and they were better parents to me than my own were. I've married again but I didn't change it back - I kept the maiden name this time.

 

I remember getting into a squabble with FBX* about names. After I split from my first spouse, I was determined never to change my name again. I remember telling FBX that if I married again, I wouldn't change my name. He was highly offended by that and thought it was terribly inconsiderate, at best. I asked him if he was willing to change his name if he married, and he said no. To the contrary, he expected that any woman he married would change her name, but would not give her the same consideration. (If I remember right, he wouldn't even combine names or hyphenate - it was his name or the highway.)

 

I pointed out to him that this was very unfair of him. And the whole argument clarified for me how much I value my name, as a part of my identity. My name is the simplest label describing who I am and where I come from. It provides connections with my ancestors and the rest of my family. I wouldn't give it up again for anything.

 

So I definitely understand the urge to change it to fit yourself better than it does.

 

Oddly enough, the current spouse has some interesting name issues. He's debated changing his whole name too, because it was given to him by his controlling, abusive father, against his mother's wishes. (She was unconscious at the time they had the parents fill out his birth certificate, so he took the opportunity to name his kid after himself.) So the name he has now has never really fit him. He goes by a nickname that his family has always used, but his legal name just isn't anything he's ever wanted. It's all about his asshole father - who's always with him now, because he carries the man's very name.

 

I hope he changes it someday. It's weird calling him by a name that doesn't really fit.

 

 

 

*FundieBoy Ex, for those not in the know.

[AKR]

I remember getting into a squabble with FBX* about names. After I split from my first spouse, I was determined never to change my name again. I remember telling FBX that if I married again, I wouldn't change my name. He was highly offended by that and thought it was terribly inconsiderate, at best. I asked him if he was willing to change his name if he married, and he said no. To the contrary, he expected that any woman he married would change her name, but would not give her the same consideration. (If I remember right, he wouldn't even combine names or hyphenate - it was his name or the highway.)

 

I pointed out to him that this was very unfair of him. And the whole argument clarified for me how much I value my name, as a part of my identity. My name is the simplest label describing who I am and where I come from. It provides connections with my ancestors and the rest of my family. I wouldn't give it up again for anything.

 

So I definitely understand the urge to change it to fit yourself better than it does.

 

my gf and i were just talking about this last night. if i was a female, i wouldn't marry any man that wanted ME to change my last name. it sums up the entire relationship right there.

[Kurari]

I've also changed my full name. Not because they were particularly Biblical, but because I wanted a name that I could respond to. I was given all old family names that weren't...me. I spent my whole life growing up and wanting to wince at my first name, I hated it so much. Plus if you ever heard it screamed across a parking lot, you'd want to hide too. My middle and last names were hard to spell and pronounce and required a lot of hassle. Plus, it's connection to a family I really have no connection to anymore.

 

So I changed my first name to something very generic because everybody kept thinking that was my name anyway. My middle name is an old family name that I like.

 

And my last name is Blacksin. I still have to spell it, but I say it's "Black like the color, S-I-N like mortal SIN." I love the looks I get for that one.

 

If you want to change your name, go for it. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin hearing the name I want to be called instead of stuck with one that made me feel bad. Just be prepared for flak from friends, family, and strangers. Sometimes people look at me funny and wonder why I would change the WHOLE name unless I was trying to hide from something.

[Llwellyn]

My first and last name are welsh with no Christian connection. My middle name is the name of one of the "12 Disciples," and I kind of like it. I will not give my children Christian names.

[Scarlett]

Sometimes people look at me funny and wonder why I would change the WHOLE name unless I was trying to hide from something.

 

 

Yes, this can actually be a problem. I applied for a job and even though I passed all the drug tests, interviews, etc... because my background check showed that I had changed my full name a few years back so the company in question said they couldn't employ me. They thought I would be a risk.

[AKR]

And my last name is Blacksin. I still have to spell it, but I say it's "Black like the color, S-I-N like mortal SIN." I love the looks I get for that one.

 

If you want to change your name, go for it. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin hearing the name I want to be called instead of stuck with one that made me feel bad. Just be prepared for flak from friends, family, and strangers. Sometimes people look at me funny and wonder why I would change the WHOLE name unless I was trying to hide from something.

 

lol, blacksin. that is awesome. i thought about something like "jesus effing christ," or three first names, like "billy billy billy." but seriously, i don't know what i'll change it to. something unique, fitting, and not fucking hard for people to spell or pronounce. i'll take the funny looks.

 

...and maybe a few unaccepted employment applications.

[R. S. Martin]

Very, very interesting topic. I had no idea one could change their name. I've put enormous energy into making my own meaning for my name. There are several horse and buggy Mennonites with my name (not the screen name I use here) but I checked the relatively large university I graduated from several years ago. Common as both my first and last names are in this area, there is not one alumnus among the school's 129,000 alumni (people who graduated from the school; it was started in the 1960s) who has my name. I was given my mother's maiden name for a middle name. That is tradition.

 

I never use it because it is a first name for males. Among the Mennonites that works because everybody knows it's a last name. (It does not have an "s" after it like Peters or Simons. Just the name.) But among the general population I have opted not to use it. I would use the initial if needed. How much does it cost to get one's name changed? I assume it's not as easy as filling out a form; otherwise, anybody with something to hide would do it. Hey, I know what. I have always wished it would be the feminine name it closely resembles. I could actually make it that for all purposes except legal. I'll think about it.

[Scarlett]

How much does it cost to get one's name changed? I assume it's not as easy as filling out a form; otherwise, anybody with something to hide would do it. Hey, I know what. I have always wished it would be the feminine name it closely resembles. I could actually make it that for all purposes except legal. I'll think about it.

 

It depends on the state you live in; where I live it the total cost was a about two hundred dollars. Basically, all you do is fill out a form, file it at the court house, and then you go before a judge swear under oath that you're not changing it for fraudulent reasons and they review and okay it. I was actually surprised at how simple it all was.

 

AKR, I don't think the judge would let you change your name to Jesus Effing Christ. (Unless you are really lucky and appear before a judge that agrees with you.)

[R. S. Martin]

I'm not sure where I would find two hundred dollars for something not directly related either to making a future for myself or the basics of life. Having been immersed in Mennonitism all my life, I'd also have to work through the issue of taking an oath. I think it's just words. But one part of me shrinks back from the very sound of the word. It's one of those issues of faith for which Mennonites have taken considerable abuse in order not to offend their god.

[Taphophilia]

Well, my last name has a whopping 13 letters in it. No one can spell it or pronounce it, even when I tell them how. (It's German.) It's just easier having the same last name as my children and going back to my maiden name was out, my first name and my maiden name together is a large company that makes toilet paper, tampons, and diapers.

[Astreja]

Back in 1990 I legally changed the spelling of my first name to a spelling I had been using since 1980. At the same time I dropped my middle name, Elizabeth, largely because it meant "consecrated to God." That name always rubbed me the wrong way.

 

Lately I've been pondering an integration of my 'Net and RL names, largely because I do the bulk of my creative work under the 'Net name. Probably won't happen, but it's fun to consider.

[Delicate_Catastrophe]

I've always wanted to change my name, but have also always thought i might not do it legally. Something about that I just don't like, because I don't have a problem with what my parents chose for me, and it does have some meaning. My initials are after my paternal grandfather who died just before I was conceived, and my name wasn't chosen based on religion, but was something my maternal grandmother liked, and my parents chose a unique spelling for the nick name I most often go by. My last name I don't have any problems with as far as being linked to my family members. Despite not liking the idea of how people are supposed to carry on a family name, I admit to being a little sad that it seems to be dying... I do enjoy my dad's side of the family, and feel more of a connection to them, even though I enjoy extended family on the other side, and actually know them better.

 

But I had always counted on changing my last name with marriage. I don't think it's something that should automatically be the female, or that should be expected of either partner, but my last name isn't pretty, and I ALWAYS have to spell it even though it's only four letters. And people often mishear it. So I always counted on changing it, and just hoped I'd end up marrying someone with a good last name. Now I also think it would be a special and unique way to get married by having both people change their last name to something new together.

 

Anyhow, I've never felt right about my name, and always thought of other ones. I never went by my name when I played as a kid, and I've had an obsession with names and naming things for as long as I can remember. I don't feel like my name bring about... a positive image of me. And I don't care that much for it. But I just doubt I'd be able to convince everyone to call me anything else.

 

I also worry that nothing else would ever feel right either. I have a combination of psychological issues that create a very poor sense of identity, so a part of me wonders if the name thing is me seeking something that can never be found. It could be the best thing that ever happened to me to like and feel right with my name, or it could remind me that it will never get better. In the mean time, I'll continue to feel wrong about mine and wish it had been something great (unique, fitting, pretty) to begin with... and wonder if I'd feel this way no matter what it was.

 

ETA: Oh yeah, my middle name is the feminine form of a male Bible name, but I don't think that's why I got the name. It means "God is gracious," but I don't think my parents really went for the meaning part of names with us kids, and I'd like a name based on a meaning. I feel I should have a name that is unique and has something to do with nature. That would fit me. But I have a hard time knowing what that would be, and feeling I could ever do it.

[Lycorth]

My first name has Roman origins, not Babblical ones, so I'm fine with it. It's not a name I'd have chosen, but I tolerate it. My last name is completely ethnic (Polish) and has no Xian connotations.

 

My middle name is "Joseph" and I think it's just common in my family. It's my father's middle name as well. It doesn't bug me enough to change it, but if I felt moved enough, I'd change both first and middle names.

 

If changing one's names makes one feel better and helps with the transition ouf of the cult, then so be it.

[LosingMyReligion]

Fortunately, I don't have a Christian first or Middle name...My first name is English and the middle one is Scandinavian...

I used to want a legal name change because my first name is one syllable...And I wanted something elaborate like: MichaelAngelo, Valentino, or Whoudini. However, I am beginning to like my own name...So I guess it will stay.

[exbeliever]

Wow, is there really that many people in the world that want to change their names or is ex-christianity some kind of causal factor? Anyone ever read The Namesake?

 

My wife and I have talked about changing our last name before because she took my name when we married and now we wish we had both changed our last names to something else entirely. My problem is that I think it would really come back to haunt me. All my degrees are listed under my last name and it seems like it would be a hassle to explain this to future employers when I applied to jobs.

[Fonkey]

I come from families that are Christian going back centuries as far as I know, and I've sometimes thought about changing my last name when I have a family of my own. I don't feel much like a part of my family anymore, and I feel like branching off and starting my own clan. But it's pretty much just idle fantasizing.

 

I've never really thought about this, but I'm lucky in that I don't have any Judeo-Christian names. My first name came from the Bible, but it's roots are greek pagan. My other names are German, with some possible pagan roots as well.

 

I'm not giving my kids Bible names, not just because they're Christian names, but because they're either A) done to death (e.g. Michael, John) or lame and Amish-sounding (e.g. Ezekiel, Jehoshaphat, Methuselah)

[Shaman]

I wonder if "HeZeus" is taken..

[SilentLoner]

I started going by my middle name when I was in the second grade. I hate my first name with a passion. I want to get it legally changed as soon as I can.

To give a hint I'm named after a character in Dante's 'Inferno'.

[The Sage Nabooru]

My given name is Stephanie. I've never particularly cared for it, but never hated it either. (At least my parents didn't name me Madison or some other rediculous trendy name with absolutely no meaning.)

 

My mother secretly named me after St. Stephen. Secretly, because while the Lutheran church doesn't mind naming your kid after one of the Big Twelve, once you start getting into other disciples and calling them saints you're committing a Papist sin. (One church member having to explain to everyone in attendance one Sunday that her new baby daughter Mary was most definitely NOT named after the virgin......whoa!)

 

I suppose it's better than being named after Paul or some other nutjob. Stephen is mostly remembered for sincere faith and good works to help the poor and needy. As much as I am inclined to believe that that "sincere faith" involved not just a non-preference for, but an intolerance for, other religions.

 

But then again I don't know. I don't think the early, early church was quite as dogmatic as the one we see today. Or maybe it was. Or maybe Stephen was just a nice guy who happened to be Christian. Or maybe not. I never met him.

 

Anyway, it's just not a big deal to me, really. There's other names I'd probably like more, and my stage name is different. But the majority of names that originated in western Europe are Christian in origin, or at least have been carried by Christian saints. And at any rate it (my name) still means "The Crowned One" even if St. Stephen was never in the picture. Now I think people are much more likely to think of a name's national origin or variant rather than its religious inspiration - that is, think "English" with Mary and "French" with Marie rather than "The Blessed Virgin" with either.

 

There are non-Christian western names, and I'm totally for anybody who wants to make up a name (within reason; if you decide to name yourself Alexavier Adolphonso Ruette I'm not going to stop people from beating your ass).

 

My given name just isn't very good for the industry, though. I don't carry the sound and reference very easily. It's not its religious origin; I just don't think it's for me, exactly. And my middle name is so totally unimportant and boring that I grudge my mother somewhat for giving me something so forgettable, so I can't. But my last name......Oh. My. God. When your last name (save a single letter) is used as an object of hilarity in a Leslie Nielsen movie, you know you're in deep shit. I cannot believe that any grown adult could have walked around with it for an entire lifetime. That name I will pay money to change just to get rid of its sickening, overbearing corny fake-sounding German-Jewish-Middle European sound which reminds me of farts. Seriously. The sound of my last name reminds me of farts.