I'm forcing myself to watch a Gospel station and..

[Tyson]

I LITERALLY feel nauseated. I'm not kidding folks. My head feels light. I'm listening to all the cliches, the gospelspeak, the lies and can't believe I used to actually believe that shit. Then to make matters worse, I'm not sure if I'm watching a self help, get rick quick seminar or an actual church service. There is this constant talk of "faith" and "God's blessing" and now the call for money is on at 1:20 p.m meaning that they will dedicate 8 full minutes to working on the purse strings.

 

Damn! I want to shoot my televsion. Let me flip it to the History Channel and learn someting sensible.

[quicksand]

I hear you.

 

Ever see Hal Lindsey's show? Ugh. Glad I got rid of my cable television.

[Mythra]

Just send in whatever amount the holy spirit is directing you to give. If you've been blessed by the Lord, and you are able to send in $1,000, then we would be happy to receive it. And you will be blessed for it. You may be the only thing keeping us on the air.......... blah blah blah

 

As you can see, I've listened to it too

[Eponymic]

Just send in whatever amount the holy spirit is directing you to give.  If you've been blessed by the Lord, and you are able to send in $1,000, then we would be happy to receive it. And you will be blessed for it.  You may be the only thing keeping us on the air..........      blah  blah blah 

 

As you can see, I've listened to it too

 

Send in $500 dollars with the next 5 minutes and you'll get this special "I roll with Jesus" hand crafted mug personally autographed by the best friend of the Pope's personal secretary.

 

(Look on the bottom of the mug & you'll see it was actually made in an Eastern Thailand sweatshop).

[Ouroboros]

I hear you.

 

Ever see Hal Lindsey's show? Ugh. Glad I got rid of my cable television.

I heard Hal Lindsey live a couple of times. But I don't remember what his "specialty" was. Is he the one preaching "Give 10 Get 30 back"? I guess it is. I gave a lot, and still I have to work my ass of to make it go round.

[Tyson]

Actually this was not CBN or TBN. I was not even aware there is now a predominantly black Gospel station known as Word and me, being a black person from the Christian hotbed known as the Caribbean recognized so many things that now make me sick. I must have been away too long because I can't help but notice that there is a tremendous emphasis on "faith" leading to riches and health. The pastors are decked down in fine suits, their wives are draped in flashy dresses and the congregations are made up of some finely dressed individuals. I know Creflo Dollar (yes that is the name of a black minister in Atlanta) was into this stuff, but it appears to be the M.O of many a balck church on television nowadays.

 

That being said, I'm still sick watching them and as if the Bible by itself is not nonsense itself now they are compounding the crime with all kinds of extra bullshit!

[Thurisaz]

I LITERALLY feel nauseated. I'm not kidding folks. My head feels light. I'm listening to all the cliches, the gospelspeak, the lies...

 

You sound like me after my last exposure to hoovie babble. I swear I contemplated drilling a hole in my head to let the idiocy out that had crept in while I was listening.

[Vigile]

I hear you.

 

Ever see Hal Lindsey's show? Ugh. Glad I got rid of my cable television.

 

 

He's got nothing on Jack Van Impe. Now that stuff is pure comedy and puts South Park to shame. I couldn't catch my breath the last time I watched (few years now).

[thomas]

I LITERALLY feel nauseated. I'm not kidding folks. My head feels light. I'm listening to all the cliches, the gospelspeak, the lies and can't believe I used to actually believe that shit. Then to make matters worse, I'm not sure if I'm watching a self help, get rick quick seminar or an actual church service.  There is this constant talk of "faith" and "God's blessing" and now the call for money is on at 1:20 p.m meaning that they will dedicate 8 full minutes to working on the purse strings.

 

Damn! I want to shoot my televsion. Let me flip it to the History Channel and learn someting sensible.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Some time ago, I watched a Christian channel having an interview with a famous Christian leader. I don’t remember his full name, but his last name was Roberts (son of Oral Roberts). The interview was made in England and was about what to do, in order to have a greater blessing of the Lord (or whatever) in that country. And Mr. Roberts emphasized need for Christians in England to really seek the Lord, believe the bible, act on the promises and bla bla bla.

 

And then came the amazing thing. Mr. Roberts said, that it was only a need for more people to do so. Because there were already some Christians in England seeking the Lord, and then he read some part of scripture as proof of that statement.

 

It was just so stupid, how on earth can a Christian leader think he can read in the bible, what is going on among English Christians today? The interview was kind of a mix of Mr. Roberts experiences as a Christian leader, and a bible study, but it was totally disconnected to current English reality.

[quicksand]

He's got nothing on Jack Van Impe.  Now that stuff is pure comedy and puts South Park to shame.  I couldn't catch my breath the last time I watched (few years now).

Maybe Van Impe should wear a stocking cap?

[Amethyst]

Makes you wonder why popov isn't shipping that miracle water by the crateload to the starving ethiopians doesn't it?

 

Probably cause they can't afford $29.99 + shipping & handling.

[RankStranger]

I like to watch the 700 Club sometimes. It's just so damn funny... Especially that guy with the poofy hair. Has anybody else noticed that everybody on the 700 Club has a noticeably asymmetrical face? Pat Robertson has an ear that sticks out funny, and that gal looks like one eye is up higher than the other.

 

I also kinda like bluegrass gospel music like I heard when I was a kid.

 

I really get a kick out of Ralph Stanley:

 

They've all moved awaaay

Said tha voice of a straynger

To a buteeful hoooome

By tha bright Krystal see

I know some sweet day

That I'll see theym in heyven

Whar noone will beee

Ah straynger to meee

 

Ever'body Ah met

Seem't ta' be ah rank strayngeeerrr

No mother- no daaaad

Not a friend could Ah seeee

They knew not mah name

And Ah knew not ther fayces

Ah fouynd they were all

Rank Strayngers to meee.

[Totallyatpeace]

I heard Hal Lindsey live a couple of times. But I don't remember what his "specialty" was. Is he the one preaching "Give 10 Get 30 back"? I guess it is. I gave a lot, and still I have to work my ass of to make it go round.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

HanSolo~

 

Hal Lindsey speaks on End Time Prophecy and is a Pre-Trib.

 

 

Tap

[Fweethawt]

yes, he wrote a book called "the late great planet earth"  then when his prophecies didn't come true, they republished the book in a new edition with different dates.

 

Oh!

 

Say it isn't so!!!

 

 

[Guest bad_one]

I found an interesting article about the techniques they use on stage and t.v. to convert people or give more in the ole collection plate

 

Mind Control Techniques

[Mr. Neil]

I tried watching TBN and iLife television for a while. It was painful. I saw the first Left Behind film and fell asleep part way through the second. God, Kirk Cameron is a piece of shit! The man cannot act.

 

Speaking of which, I also caught Way Of The Bastard, featuring Kirk Camoron and Ray Comfort. I laughed through that one. Ray Comfort is to apologetics as Hovind is to science; completely worthless and easily refuted.

 

 

The funniest thing I ever saw on Christian television was this show in which these two guys kept trying to come up with the perfect analogy of the trinity. The first guy tried using an egg, because an egg has three components (the white, the yolk, and the shell), that all comprise one egg. But then the other guy points out that in order to be like the trinity, each part must be wholy an egg, and none of the three attributes of an egg can be an egg on their own.

 

Then second guy suggested using water. Water can exist in the form of ice, liquid, and steam. All parts are wholy water. But then the first guy shot that down by pointing out that the three forms of water are not equal because they have different properties. In Christianity, each part of the trinity are equally God.

 

And they tried a few others, but basically they totally debunked the concept of the trinity, because it's incoherent to have three parts of one whole which must also individually be equal to the whole. I thought that maybe someone had actually slipped some intellectual honesty into the show rotation.

 

But it was not to be, as our hosts simply backslid and said something like, "Blah blah blah... God is above human comprehension... blah blah blah... can't understand God... blah blah... gotta have faith." And I couldn't believe they did that! After tearing apart their own doctrine and showing it to be incoherent, they copped out and said that you should believe it anyway!

 

 

And for those of you who didn't know, much to the chagrin of older brother (and much better actor) Alec, Steven Baldwin converted to Christianity about four years ago. Since then, he's made a few Christian films, one of which is called Six.

 

I saw that piece of crap on one of the Christian stations. It's written like a really bad made-for-TV movies from like the late 80s and early 90s. It even looks like one, due to the crappy film quality. The only difference is that since it's a Christian film, they don't have any off-screen love scenes, where at most you see a woman's leg and guy's chest.

 

Like the Left Behind movies, it's pretty much another Christian wet dream flick, where the Christians were right and the atheists were wrong. All the non-believers foolishly accept the mark of the beast and lose their souls... blah blah blah... Gimme my fucking barf bag.

 

Only watch this movie if you can gather a bunch of you friends to watch it with you to make fun of it. That's the only way it has a chance of being enjoyable.

[Guest bad_one]

Like the Left Behind movies, it's pretty much another Christian wet dream flick, where the Christians were right and the atheists were wrong.  All the non-believers foolishly accept the mark of the beast and lose their souls...  blah blah blah...  Gimme my fucking barf bag.

 

Oh man! They made us watch that movie in my parochial school! I was only 14 at the time and it scared the crap outta me. The white vans chasing people and then cutting off their heads. That was the same day they showed us abortion films. So much for getting an education

[imageownershipproblem]

Left Behind bored me to tears but the really sick thing was that I couldn't trust my own judgement. I got rid of my teevee many years before I was "born again" and some fiends (not a typo) rented the video and invited me over to watch.

 

Man, that movie gave me such a bad casof "the wiggles" that I kept getting up to pee when my bladder was empty because I just couldn't sit still! The worst part about it was that they'd hit the pause button and stare at me and not let me miss a second so it took at least four hours before I could finally escape. I walked out of their house thinking, "I'm such a jerk! They went to all that trouble just for me and I was so ungrateful! I must be ADD or something, I wonder if I could take a class in 'remedial television watching'?"

 

So I bought the book because I thought reading would be easier. I intended to read it on the plane while I flew across the country to a family reunion and not bring any other book at all so I'd HAVE to read it.

 

That didn't work out because my flight was scheduled for September 12, 2001.

 

So I kept trying to read that damned paperback because it was supposed to be important and everyone said I'd love it but it was so dull I never could get past the first 20 pages.

 

I still thought that there was something wrong with ME until I read other people affirming my perception of how intensely boring that book was.....just plain impossibly bad literature.

 

I finally made a postcard out of the front cover about a week ago and used the pages instead of Charmin. It may not have been squeezably soft, but I sure didn't want to foist that $3.99 paperback on a new unsuspecting victim!

[Guest bdp]

The pastors are decked down in fine suits, their wives are draped in flashy dresses and the congregations are made up of some finely dressed individuals. I know Creflo Dollar (yes that is the name of a black minister in Atlanta) was into this stuff, but it appears to be the M.O of many a balck church on television nowadays.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I remember when Deion Sanders became Xtian and became a 'minister' saying that where before he had a 'gangsta' image he now wanted to show kids that you didn't have to be a gangsta or a hood to have gold jewelry and nice clothes. Argh! Why not disavow that whole culture? If you still make material junk desirable and a standard those kids will get it any way they can and it won't be because people watching a religious station will send you money just because you're Deion Sanders.

 

bdp

[BlueGiant]

Well, there is something usefull to be learned from these "gospel" stations, televangelists, etc. : The fine art of Social Engineering. This is also known as fraud (or in more legal contexts) salesmanship.

 

 

These shows also remind me of another thing: PT Barnum may have estimated that there is a sucker born every minute. I would just like to note that the birth rate has signifigantly increased since then...

[oberon]

When I am channel surfing if I come across a religious broadcast I will stop and begin slowly counting. I stop when the first pitch for money is made.

I rarely get past 30.

[Guest Loki]

I like to watch the 700 Club sometimes.  It's just so damn funny...  Especially that guy with the poofy hair.  Has anybody else noticed that everybody on the 700 Club has a noticeably asymmetrical face?  Pat Robertson has an ear that sticks out funny, and that gal looks like one eye is up higher than the other.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Hehehe, yeah once in a while I'll watch the 700 Club too. I've always gotten a kick out of Pat Robertson's "Bring it on" segment. They always give such goofy answers to the questions people send in. And I have noticed that their faces are asymmetrical.

[shy1680]

The pastors are decked down in fine suits, their wives are draped in flashy dresses and the congregations are made up of some finely dressed individuals.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Your post made me think about some of my crazy church adventures. Black churches in the south are the worst when it comes to this. I never could get into the whole getting flashy for God thing. When I was a Christian I was like well Jesus was poor so Im sure he wouldnt give a damn if I have a tee shirt and jeans on. Last time I was in a church was for my step grandmothers funeral and it was sad but funny how my cousin who is a non-denominational Bishop (Im still trying to figure out how that works) was trying to out bling the Baptist minister conducting the funeral. They kept shaking their hands in the air to show their huge rings, watches, cuff links, HUGE diamond tie pins and braclets, one kept jumping up and down so his platinum and diamond cross would glitter lol. They spent a good 30 minutes "preaching" at each other and flashing their treasures. I was just waiting for them to start screaming about who scams their members more than the other. It got so pathetic someone decided to break out in song to get the two losers to sit down.