Heresy. Cultism. Hypocrisy. Yawn.

[Guest Geese Aplenty]

Ever wonder why “orthodox” evangelicals don’t dedicate any measurable time or effort to countering cultism? I don’t mean writing anti-JW and LDS literature. I mean the counterfeit gospel of the Trinity Broadcasting Network and related televangelism empires (PAX, BET) that have infected the world via satellite. Oh, sure you hear fellow churchgoers’ blusterous* criticisms of the likes of Hinn, Hagee, and Hagen. They may even write a pamphlet or two about holy laughter and prosperity, yadda, yadda.

 

But that’s not what I’m talking about; I’m talking about a real fight, folks.

 

The kind of fight you might expect from Christians if, say, an abortion clinic was sited in their neighborhood. The kind of fight they’d pick if homosexuals lobbied the city for a permit to have a gay pride parade parade its way through their town. The kind of war they’d wage when critical votes are counted and re-counted to determine the [gasp!] elected president.

 

You know—a good ol’ American fight, where you get all full of piss and vinegar and don’t care who the fuck’s judging you because you know you’re doing something good and noble.

 

In such cases, Christians mobilize sidewalk sit-ins, conduct prayer vigils and prayer meetings, attend solemn potlucks, supervise placard and sign construction teams, and perform various other methods of civil disobedience borrowed from Martin Luther King (whose Christian cause they couldn’t be moved to support when he needed it, but I digress…).

 

My point is this: if orthodox Christians can’t manage to declare the same type of war on cultic charlatanism** that they declared on terrorism, gays, abortion, and those evil vote counters, how tantalizing do they think their flaky message of salvation is to those who see them through such a lens? (i.e., the smart)

 

You see, the ultimate expression of Christian love would be to go on the offensive against satellite-fed cultic charlatanism, lest more fragile souls and weak minds become ensnared in it and eventually go to hell.

 

There are several (disturbing but also quite funny) explanations for this:

 

 They don’t love the lost (how very Christian)

 They have higher priorities***

 They are too stupid to comprehend the consequences of satellite-fed lies about their savior.

 They consider TBN to be a “sacrosanct manifestation of Gawd’s revelation” (I stole that bit o’ theobabble from a TBN preacher. It’s a gem i’nit?)

 

I suspect it’s the last bullet. Despite all their blusterous**** criticisms of cultic charlatanism, they truly do believe that TBN is spreading gospel truth and saving souls. Ergo, it is your mouthpiece, evangelicals.

 

I know. It’s scary that someone figured you out. See that fork in the road? Think hard…

 

 

 

 

 

 

*It’s a word if I say it’s a word.

 

**Which enslaves, bankrupts, deceives, and spreads—through means of broadcast hitherto unavailable to religionists—lies and distortions about your savior on a daily basis. 24/7. No infomercials.

 

***Creating lesson plans for Vacation Bible Camp, setting TiVo to record D. James Kennedy’s sermon on the anti-war homosexual evolutionist agenda on TBN, etc.

 

****Still a word, muthafucka!