shotsy Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I myself am not rushing into anything, but I'm wondering how those of you who were single adjusted after deconverting... Did you wait a while? Did anything change at all? How about dealing with guilt and Christian friends and family? Any regrets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I only waited until my wife (then my fiancee) and I first finally met from online, then we got it on the first morning we woke up together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 There wasn't a tangible behavioral change for years: I didn't rush out and start having sex once I deconverted. What DID happen is that the door to recovery opened--widely--once I deconverted. Over time I dealt with the guilt and damage from my programming, and eventually came to the point where I could enjoy these perfectly natural and wholesome pleasures the way people were designed to. There was no guilt from xian friends, since my sexuality was never up for discussion with a xian. Never, not once, but if it had been I would have taken it for the same rot as as their efforts to persuade me to "get right with god." As for family, the topic came up somewhat ten or 15 years after my deconversion around the time I got married. That was also around the time I "came out" about my deconversion and being entirely too open, I subtly alluded to the damage wrought on my sexuality. My mother seemed both unimpressed and rather offended and disgusted, I think she really takes Matthew 19:12 to heart (that's the horrid verse about becoming a eunuch because you were born that way, made that way by men, or voluntarily becoming that way for the "kingdom of heaven"). I'm not sure helped matters that my mother saw me get married and that my wife later bore us a daughter and that my mother saw the beginning of a second pregnancy with our son: incontrovertible proof of my carnal lust. Sure we were married, but I had obviously made an effort to "de-eunuchify" before even thinking about marriage. I do believe it was a factor (although not the deciding one) in my banishment. No regrets post-deconversion. Not a one. I regret big time the warped indoctrination that was pounded into my head when I was a xian, but since that wasn't my fault, I'm not sure that "regret" is exactly the right word for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truth Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Nothings really changed... I mostly just consider what my values are and what I felt was xian rules that I didn't believe in. I was just able to embrace it a bit more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcissist Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Phhhhht! If only. I wish. I'm the guy that smashes christian stereotypes about the debauchery of fallen away selfish sin lovers, etc. Xny fucked me up in the head to much for any of that. The only regret I have is not realising that Religion is a crock of life-destroying shit back when I was a questioning teenager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Phhhhht! If only. I wish. I'm the guy that smashes christian stereotypes about the debauchery of fallen away selfish sin lovers, etc. Xny fucked me up in the head to much for any of that. The only regret I have is not realising that Religion is a crock of life-destroying shit back when I was a questioning teenager. Count me in on that too. If I'm supposed to be doing all this sinning, wouldn't I have more fun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 If I'm supposed to be doing all this sinning, wouldn't I have more fun? I take it, it's supposed to be automatic. When you "stoop" to not believing in god you automatically do all this sinning, so we are indoctrinated. I went pretty carefully. When you "go where angels fear to tread," you HAVE to go carefully. So I did. When I rebelled against Top Church Authority, I was taken by complete surprise to find that I had some hard and fast values which I could not and would not transgress. That's for life in general. I'm just not sexually promiscuous. Never was. Probably never will be. No change. I think most of us go "overboard" in something or other when we "get our freedom." That's just the psychological reality of being human. I had my own excesses, just not in materialism or sexuality. Consequences is a big thing to keep in sight--what will be the consequences of whatever I am about to do? I'm not all that great on this myself and it can be extremely difficult or impossible but it's a reasonable guide to keep in sight if we can. When we mess up, gotta take stock, make things right as far as possible, live with the consequences as best as we can. I'm rambling here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 The only regret I have is not realising that Religion is a crock of life-destroying shit back when I was a questioning teenager. Absolutely. That's the only real regret I have about any of it. My teenage years would've been far more productive if I had half the sense I did when I finally saw through the phony veneer of Xianity. My black metal days would've been all the more memorable, for certain I'm just thankful that I came to my senses before my 20s were up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Actually leaving Christianity did change my sex life, because you see while I was a Christian I had no sex life. Granted, I didn't go out and have wild orgies soon after I deconverted, but I did loosen up quite a bit. It really did take a while after leaving to get all the negative Christian memes and hangups out of my mind in regards to sex, it was so ingrained into my thought process for all those years about having to wait until you get married, etc... The further I got away from Christianity the less guilt I had. And my only regret was being a Christian in the first place. It really messed up my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 After leaving Christianity, I blew wads of cash getting lap dances with strippers. I'm sure I paid for very many rent payments and car payments. Then I moved on from the strippers and started dating friends. I had sex with four of them, and now my neurosis/sexual obsession created by Christianity is moving toward resolution. Thankfully, I don't have any children or STD's. I'm looking forward to having a faithful marriage with a stimulating and adored woman. I am also eager to be a virtuous and responsible father. All of these things are becoming more realistic now that I no longer believe in divine non-corrective retribution. Thank the Gods for deconversion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanakila Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 My marriage fell apart right after my deconversion. We both decided that if this is the only life you get, and there is no reward for sticking it out if you aren't happy, why not move on. While separated I was a little promiscuous and not completely careful about Std's. But luckily I never got anything. I realized I was bisexual and had a poly relationship for awhile. Dated another guy and then tried to reunite with my ex. That didn't work which wasn't a surprise and then I met my now bf. We have been together almost a year and are pretty happy. Our sexlife has been rather lacking lately due to working different shifts, illness, having holiday guests, ect. But, when we have it, its good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 After leaving Christianity, I blew wads of cash getting lap dances with strippers. I'm sure I paid for very many rent payments and car payments. Then I moved on from the strippers and started dating friends. I had sex with four of them, and now my neurosis/sexual obsession created by Christianity is moving toward resolution. Thankfully, I don't have any children or STD's. I'm looking forward to having a faithful marriage with a stimulating and adored woman. I am also eager to be a virtuous and responsible father. All of these things are becoming more realistic now that I no longer believe in divine non-corrective retribution. Thank the Gods for deconversion! That's very interesting. One of the stages of recovery for me was getting lots of lap dances from strippers at considerable expense. In fact, I can identify with the entire post. My progression was similar. And now, I finally AM having a faithful marriage with a stimulating and adored woman, and I do consider myself a virtuous and responsible father. The truth WILL set you free, and the truth is that our conditioning from the church on sexual matters was WRONG and totally counter to human nature: sex is wonderful, and certainly not perverted as we were taught! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyReligion Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 While I didn't go the route of promiscuity I have had sex since I deconverted one year ago. My experience was vastly different being that I'm gay. While heteroes are taught to be ashamed of extra-marital relations we are taught to be ashamed of sex in general. In fact, growing up, I was taught in church that I was an abomination destined for hell, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. So, long story short since I did not like women, in a sexual way, I strove for complete and utter sexual purity(I did not even masturbate!)for fear of divine retribution. I actually tried being straight(going on dates n stuff), but it was so freakishly uncomfortable for me. Ironically, it was total acceptance of my sexuality that helped me break away from Christianity. Since then I've seen a therapist, and I actually slept with a really hot guy and it was great. I hope to find a long term romancer in the future...I'm not one of those club guys, I just want romance and commitment. And I am no longer ashamed of wanting it with another man. screw christianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lua Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 i can orgasm without crying now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I used to believe in sex after marriage and saving myself, and it just never felt right to me. I was supposed to grow up, get married, have heterosex, have children, and enjoy it. Deconversion helped me explore and consider other ideas regarding sex, and I've discovered I don't believe in marriage, I'm childfree, and I'm pan-asexual. I don't want a sex life, nor do I need one. Ironic, isn't it? But I don't feel guilty about it. I don't feel I'm a let-down to myself, even though a few family members are very dissapointed in me and that I'm not a good little wifey and mommy like what was supposed to have happened. I think the greatest and best change since deconversion is knowing there is nothing I'm "supposed" to be doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusieQ Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 My marriage/sex life got much better after I deconverted-- because we were finally on the same page and both of us shed the guilt from xnity that says it's not ok to be/feel sexy. YaaaHooo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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