Burning Bridges

[smellincoffee]

Do any of you ever go back to the churches you once attended? I grew up in a small church; it has had an average attendance of thirty for as long as I can remember. These are people who knew me as a bump in my mother's stomach; people who have witnessed me growing up. It's a family church -- it really (was) like an extended family. I'm hestiant, though, once I move way, to ever visit. I made a few "one toe in the water" comments and questions to get a feeling for how they would receive me as an unbeleiver; the results were NOT pleasant. If I ever go back, I think it will invariably wind up in an argument or at least an exchange of smart remarks, because I'm not the pushover I was as a Christian. I've been out of this long enough to hold my own and give a little back, and I really DO want to give a little back. More than a little, actually. Part of me wants a nice intellectual fight, as sort of revenge for all of the brainwashing I was once subjected to.

 

But, I think, that wouldn't be so good; perhaps I should just burn the bridge, and never go back to visit my "family", no matter how aggravating and fun it might turn out to be. So -- anyone purposely spend time in a church setting to catch up with people?

[Kurari]

I do occassionally visit my old Swedenborgian church. The people there are really nice and extremely accepting. They were kind of disconcerted to learn I don't believe in God anymore, but Swedenborgianism is more about coming together, whatever you believe, and promoting love and acceptance. Which includes Athiests. So it was made clear to me by my pastor that they are always happy to see me and talk about things, spiritual or not. Swedenborg and Unitarian churches really go hand in hand, though Swedenborg is more technically Christian.

 

Plus their sermons are highly educational since they invite spiritual leaders from all faiths to come and teach and show everyone how they worship.

[Ex-COG]

I have no desire to go back to my old church. I still have relatives who attend, so the day may come that I might go to a wedding, funeral, reunion or gathering held there; but not to any religious services.

[LosingMyReligion]

I only go, occasionally, just to hear the choir sing. They are really talented.

[ThinkingForMyself]

I haven't been back myself. I have no plans to. I'm busy trying to undo the damage of the brainwashing. Besides, when I wake up on a Sunday morning I could care less about church. I think it's a waste of time for me to go and listen to preaching that I think is a load of garbage.

[white_raven23]

I went to the wedding of a former church friend about four years ago. She was an old Youth Group compatriot, one of few I respected. She was "in" crowd, but she didn't snub or treat outliers on the group fringe like me as though we were crap. So I respected and cared about her enough to attend her wedding.

 

Well naturally the rest of the old "in" crowd from the Youth group were there. For some strange reason, I was the only outlier who came to her wedding. And at the reception, I got a good reminder as to why.

 

The look on most of the faces of former Youth Group members was, "why is she here?". And only one of them (an older guy who was 'in" crowd only because most of the female "in" crowd wanted in his pants....stupid social hierarchies) talked to me.

 

Three hours of snubbage. When I was younger, I tolerated it as a matter of stubborn pride. I wasn't going to give those assholes the satisfaction of chasing me off like they had LOTS of others. And for the most part, I tolerated it this time for the same reason. My presence was causing confusion, which was fine by me. But at the same time, I quickly wearied of more-of-the-same. As an adult, this shit was immature and boringly tedious.

 

And I certainly had better things to do than start sticking them in the side like a stubborn thorn again. Like sleeping in on Sundays.

 

I didn't belong anywhere around those people anymore.

Life just doesn't have a 'reverse' lever.

[Lycorth]

The only thing that would get me into a church for a service of any kind is if it involved a loved one. Weddings, funerals, etc - but I'd be going to provide support and show face at a loved one's event, certainly not out of any desire to be in a Xian indoctrination center.

 

I went to one recently, but to help my mother-in-law with a local food-distribution program for the needy. Nothing religious went on - just pure social service.

 

Otherwise, I never go to one. To quote Thomas Paine, "My own mind is my own church."

[godlessgrrl]

I wouldn't return to either of my old churches. One has totally changed and I wouldn't recognize anyone there anyway; I'd expect nothing but shame from the other, especially since my ex-husband is heavily involved with it now (deacon and choir singer).

 

I don't think anybody'd be overtly unkind at the second church, I just don't really want to deal with the sort of "ahh, look, the Prodigal is returning!" assumption that I suspect I'd get from them.

 

So no, I'm not ever going back.

[Amethyst]

I have zero desire to go back to the church I attended as a child. I had to deal with some of the people last year though because one elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary and the party was at my parents' house. The elderly couple are fundies and so are their adult kids, one of their sons weighed like 400+ pounds and was going to do weight loss surgery. I wanted to feel sorry for him because he obviously had such low self-esteem, but he was also a major fundy jerk.

 

The liberal church I attended when I was close to deconverting would be the only one I'd go back to, but I wasn't particularly good friends with anyone there. They were at least non-fundies though.

[chefranden]

My burnt bridge has already been reclaimed by nature. You can hardly tell it was ever there to begin with. That's ok, because it wasn't a good place to cross the River anyway.

[Taphophilia]

My old church kicked me out. A couple years later they asked me to come back. However, they didn't exactly say they were sorry or were in anyway wrong for what they did. Anyway, by the time they asked me back I'd deconverted and was going to a UU church which, of course, is The Church That Worships Satan and Homosexuals, according to their thinking. I loved telling them I was going to the UU church.

[truth]

I have no desire whatsoever to go back. Two of my friends still go to church.. but we are drifitng.. I went to part of a christmas concert at church but left before the sermon. I don't really care about seeing anyone else.. they haven't missed me in four years so why bother now. I just kind of morfed out.. if I am with my mom and sister and run into someone they know from the church.. most of them don't know that I am the other daughter... which is fine with me.

 

Putting up with the the funeral and memorial service was enough for me... and having old time church people say we never see you at camp..or haven't seen you in a long time you are so grown up now.. Just nod and smile..

 

Always hated church functions anyhow... so snobby and clickish.. was always on the fringes of everthing anyhow, and most of the people my age are now all married with four kids or something by 30... and I am NOT.

[Mankey]

Do any of you ever go back to the churches you once attended? I grew up in a small church; it has had an average attendance of thirty for as long as I can remember. These are people who knew me as a bump in my mother's stomach; people who have witnessed me growing up. It's a family church -- it really (was) like an extended family. I'm hestiant, though, once I move way, to ever visit. I made a few "one toe in the water" comments and questions to get a feeling for how they would receive me as an unbeleiver; the results were NOT pleasant. If I ever go back, I think it will invariably wind up in an argument or at least an exchange of smart remarks, because I'm not the pushover I was as a Christian. I've been out of this long enough to hold my own and give a little back, and I really DO want to give a little back. More than a little, actually. Part of me wants a nice intellectual fight, as sort of revenge for all of the brainwashing I was once subjected to.

 

But, I think, that wouldn't be so good; perhaps I should just burn the bridge, and never go back to visit my "family", no matter how aggravating and fun it might turn out to be. So -- anyone purposely spend time in a church setting to catch up with people?

Never been back. I am going to continue to try to have a good relationship with certain family members who are still believers. Thats not very easy at times, but I am lucky I guess that some of them still love me. I make it a point not to turn away anyone just because of differences in belief even though I do not approve. Changing the subject is a very useful skill.

 

It sucks but there is no way to get back what you had...at best it will never be exactly as good as it once was no matter how hard you try...

[Kirangel]

Right now I do not feel the need nor do I have the desire to go back. I tried it once for my family during easter (not last easter but the year before), it was kind of awkward. I really want to go check out another denominations services, maybe Baptist.

[Dhampir]

I would love one day (after I get all my stuff out of the shed of my parents house) to go back in the capacity of an out and out non-believer. I'd even like to organize a debate or something. I would particularly like to talk with my old pastor. He frequently expressed a desire to talk to me personally, but never followed through when I lived at home, and nowadays, I am so much more educated, and I am completely fearless about confronting his imposing (but nice) demeanor on that issue.

[♦ nivek ♦]

Next time I attend a service in a church will be in an urn...

 

kFL

[R. S. Martin]

As many of you know, I went through two deconversions. One was deconversion from the horse and buggy community but I still went to church in a modern Mennonite church. I visited the church of my parents one day and then visited them. It was really awkward being in the church. People didn't know how to act around me and I had acquired new conversation skills that I put to practice without thinking. It was really uncomfortable, though at the time I thought I was fairly successful at handling things. But I never went back until my mother's funeral this past March.

 

Then I also deconverted from the modern Mennonite faith, too. However, I felt a need for community so I went to a church where lots of people knew me. At first I enjoyed it. It was rather awkward, though, because people believed I had returned to god when I hadn't. After attending three times I no longer felt like going. Having now found a local humanist group, I seriously doubt that I will ever go back to church unless perhaps for a funeral or wedding.

[Cracked]

I don't think I could handle church. I tried attending an AA meeting about a month ago, with all I have learned about brainwashing and cults (in the past year or so) I couldn't stay even ten minutes. I was ready to rip my hair out.

[HuaiDan]

I feel freaked out walking into any church, I'd feel doubly freaked out walking into a church I had attended when I was younger had I the opportunity, seeing as they're halfway around the world. Just...the blunt, massive force of the reverence for superstition.

[RankStranger]

I quit the First Wesleyan Church in Clinton, Tennessee (forced to attend since age 4)when I was 18- promptly upon moving out of my folks' house. It's been 12 years and I have no plans to go back. Both of my brothers have done pretty much the same thing- my mentally-enslaved fundamentalist parents managed to raise three athiests. My mom has even quit going there- largely because she doesn't care for the social heirarchy games... though she's still a believer.

 

My poor dear old Dad shows up faithfully by himself every time the doors are open. If they hold his funeral there someday, then I'll consider showing up... can't imagine any other scenario.

[Deva]

Would I go back to the Baptist fundamentalist church I was forced to attend as a child? Absolutely not. The only way I will ever set foot in a Baptist Church again is for my parent's funerals, and I am not looking forward to that scene.

 

Woud I go to any church? Yes, an Anglican high church type service, but only occasionally. I like the music, incense and the chanted mass. Only for the aesthetic aspects, nothing else.