Guest free Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hi All. I just thought I'd relate a bit of the problems that I'm having at the moment. Owing to my exam grades and subjects, I have ended up in the position whereby the only way for me to get a degree is at a Theological College, which was all very nice while I was a Christian, but since I started here I have lost all faith and admitted to myself (and a couple of other non-christians) that I am no longer a Christian. The course itself (Theology) has had little impact on my faith, but for other reasons I've moved away. My atheism has been something that I now recognise as having been lurking for some years now, but I hadn't accepted it and so plowed on. But by thinking I was a Christian, I've got myself into a college that, in one way or another, basically requires you to be a Christian to go there. Therefore, I'm basically forced to attend church and, put simply, pretend to be a Christian. Of course, this is very annoying as having 'broken free' from the confines of Christianity, I'm now faced with two years or so more of having to live within them. To top this off, my 'escape' has allowed me to begin to come to terms with my bisexuality, which I had previously been fighting. I'm 18 and, to be honest, the kind of life I would like to have at university, in which I'm free to be my bisexual atheist self, now does not have anything in common with the heterosexual Evangelical one I've managed to get myself into. Whilst I have, in some ways at least, been able to convince myself that treading a middle road is probably the best option, I'm understandably more than a little annoyed at myself for the problems I've caused for myself. I know that I shouldn't 'beat myself up' about allowing myself to end up in this situation, whether actively or not, but I'm finding it increasingly hard not to look to the other side where the grass is actually greener and where I'd be much more at home and comfortable. Any comments, help and/or suggestions would be much appreciated, though I must admit that I probably won't follow them all that strictly - I think this is something I have to sort out for myself. Thanks - it's nice to get that off of my chest, even if it is on an anonymous forum based on another continent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hello, free, Well, you're right about one thing, you do ultimately have to make your own decision. But the fact is, sometimes the grass really is greener elsewhere. You have to be willing to take the risks and jump the fence. The alternative is to stay where you are and live with it. Where you are now is that you're essentially having to falsely portray yourself and live a lie to reach the goal of a college degree. Can you handle that? Would leaving a college that doesn't meet your needs preclude you from ever having another chance for a college education? Big questions. Best wishes in finding the right answers for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exbeliever Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 That's really tough, free. I graduated from a Christian College, and I still cringe every time someone asks me about it. The ONLY good thing that came out of it was meeting my wife. You're so young, what would keep you from just taking a Mulligan and starting over at a community college or something and then transferring later? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shotsy Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Wow, I feel for you. Talk about institutionalized religion! You're right, there's no easy answer. I'm not sure how far you are from graduating, but if it's close, I've gotta think it's worth sticking it out until you're done. A degree is a degree, even if you have to get a little extra education once you're done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shotsy Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Oh, two years left. I'd be out of there. Christian colleges are notoriously expensive, at least in California. You could get MUCH more bang for your buck in a community college followed by a public university to complete a degree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahgrace Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hey, free, how have your grades been at college? if they're decent you might be able to transfer to a non-christian university based on your current grades. you may not get much transfer credit out of it but it's worth a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThinkingForMyself Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hey Free! Welcome to Ex-C. I personally am not a fan of Christian Colleges and Universities. They are expensive, but not worth it. When I was a christian I had put a lot of thought into going to a Christian University. Then I thought about it. First off there's the expenses. Then once I was done I would need to apply for a job. I asked myself "What would an employer think when they see a Christian University listed on my resume?". I could hear them asking me in an interview "What is this school?" and I would have to explain my religion to them. I would rather attend a public / secular college or university. Employers recognize them better, and they are cheaper. I can imagine being at a religious school when you don't believe what they teach is tough. I would be miserable in that situation. I would say investigate transferring to another school. Apply. The worst thing they'll say is 'no'. The best thing is they'll accept you. At least look into it and see what option you feel is best to persue. Just one question: Do you absolutely have to attend church? What are the consequences of not attending? Is there any way you can get out of it? Have a great weekend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGJ@ReligionisBullshit Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I feel your pain, the first college I attended was a Methodist College. Every day I went to school there I had to convince myself I was infiltrating the enemy to gather intelligence like an undercover spy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smellincoffee Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I feel your pain, the first college I attended was a Methodist College. Every day I went to school there I had to convince myself I was infiltrating the enemy to gather intelligence like an undercover spy. This troubles me, as I'm thinking about transferring to a college that's associated with the United Methodist Church. It's a liberal arts college (not many in Alabama) and the only thing NOT in its favor is the affiliation. I haven't made my final decision yet, and am looking to see how the affiliation will impact my education. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGJ@ReligionisBullshit Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I feel your pain, the first college I attended was a Methodist College. Every day I went to school there I had to convince myself I was infiltrating the enemy to gather intelligence like an undercover spy. This troubles me, as I'm planning to transfer to a college that's associated with the United Methodist Church. It's a liberal arts college (not many in Alabama) and the only thing NOT in its favor is the affiliation. I haven't made my final decision yet, and am looking to see how the affiliation will impact my educations. I suppose the good thing about the college I went to was that it didn't require you to be a Methodist or attend any service. Methodists got discounts and they didn't take roll at services. The only thing that was different from a normal college was the that the required curriculum included classes in theology such as Basic Christian Beliefs and Bible History. All in all it wasn't a bad experience but being constantly surrounded by 'Bible Thumpers' wasn't easy. There were brief prayer meetings in the dorm held in the hallway, attendance not required, but I still heard it every morning through the door. If I were you I would look at the Core Curriculum for your degree and see if you could stomach what they add in as well as go over their policies to see if anything "extra" like child sacrifices are required. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest free Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Thanks for the responses everyone. I think that Christian Colleges are different in the UK - mine is actually 'affiliated' to the University of Manchester, which is a secular uni. As such, the fees are the same. The difference is, basically, that the University has handed over the running of the college to the Nazarene church, which means that the lecturers all 'happen to be' Nazarene Christians (it obviously wasn't deliberate - that would be prejudiced and so have nothing to do with the Church ) and all of the students also 'happen to be' Christian. Because of the affiliation, my degree certificate will actually say the the degree is awarded by the University of Manchester, not by College. I'm really enjoying my degree and am doing very well in it too, so I don't want to change subjects. As I see it I have two options: Stay at Christian College and pretend to be something I'm not, OR Transfer to Manchester University and do the same course but in a secular environment. I'm not sure how the beurocracy would work with this, as I am sort of a student of both College and the University, and so I don't know how easy this would be, but it is something I am looking into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 If I were you, I'd transfer. Life is too short to force yourself to be miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lola Getz Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Transfer to Manchester University and do the same course but in a secular environment. I'm not sure how the beurocracy would work with this, as I am sort of a student of both College and the University, and so I don't know how easy this would be, but it is something I am looking into. Ah, so you're in the UK. I'm in West Yorkshire so you're in my neck of the woods. My advice to you is to try and transfer to Manchester Uni if possible. You'll probably be happier in a secular environment and it's a fine university. Also, from what I've heard from people who have been there, student life in Manchester is highly recommended. It's not too shabby academically either! Best of luck to you. Let us know how you get on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest free Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 OK after digging about online, it looks as though I have missed the deadline boat for transferring this September - so it looks as though if I were to transfer at all it would be with only a year left of my course, which to my mind seems a bit pointless. So here is my new plan: This year: Withdraw as much as possible from 'college events' like Chapel Services and not go to church - if the powers=that-be find out, what can they REALLY do? And get a job to add to my excuse making power. Next year: Move out of halls into a house of tolerent not-very-fundy-Christians, and have as little to do with the college as possible, only going in for lectures and to use the library facilities. Get involved in the main Student Union (which I CAN do) and generally move my life away from college. This seems the most logical and straightforward course of action, resulting in the closest thing possible to what I really want. And I only have to endure the BIG problems for a few months more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I'm at a seminary, free. I had only one year to go after I deconverted. Having been working on this degree for some time, it seemed decent to just grin and bear it. Of course, I'm not with bible-thumpers. Just mainline xians. Your Manchester-Christian college situation sounds a great deal like where I did my BA. Church college affiliated with secular university. The Seminary where I am now is also affiliated with a secular university. I never lived on campus. Your plan sounds really good. In two years you'll be 20-21. That's not the end of life. I started over when I was twice your age. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest free Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 BREAKING NEWS I have come out (as gay/bi) to pretty much all the fundies in my Bible College! Some are confused, some are concerned, some are fine with it. Either way I don't care! Also, some of them also know about my agnosticism - which is exciting! I'm so proud of myself, it's unreal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former Follier Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 BREAKING NEWS I have come out (as gay/bi) to pretty much all the fundies in my Bible College! Some are confused, some are concerned, some are fine with it. Either way I don't care! Also, some of them also know about my agnosticism - which is exciting! I'm so proud of myself, it's unreal. Very exciting news. I think you made the right decision. One should never be made to feel inferior for staying true to themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shotsy Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 BREAKING NEWS I have come out (as gay/bi) to pretty much all the fundies in my Bible College! Some are confused, some are concerned, some are fine with it. Either way I don't care! Also, some of them also know about my agnosticism - which is exciting! I'm so proud of myself, it's unreal. Congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I have come out (as gay/bi) to pretty much all the fundies in my Bible College! Holy cow! What brought this about? It's amazingly gutsy & mature thing of you to do. Big props. It also sounds like you're doing the most you can to improve your situation, so I'm very happy for you there too. How is that all working out thus far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest free Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I'm doing suprisingly well actually. I've now overcome every obstacle in my coming-out-journey, save one: THE PARENTS. Fortunately, I'm the only one in the family that has ever had any fundy ties, so there's a chance that they might not disown me! Hurrah! I'm going home from college in a few weeks, so Mum will be told then. Dad won't until after I gauge Mum's reaction, as her ideas are usually watered-down versions of his. Agnosticism-wise, five people in my halls (about half) now know. Some have been very good about it, others have looked terrified. One of them practically asked if he could have my collection of Christian music, which I thought was a bit cheeky. Interestingly, he's the one I was most concerned about telling, both about my loss of faith and about my sexuality - it just goes to show that you can't always read people as well as you think. In fact, during our conversation about it, he confessed that he was falling away from Christianity into a vague beleive in "some god or another," which is rather difficult as he's here with the specific purpose of training for ordained ministry. Needless to say, I'll be trying to save him (by de-saving him, haha) from a misspent and unhappy life as a non-Christian pastor before it's too late. Much of my church's youth (a few of whom fell away from God before me - what a great church that was!) now know about both 'problems' and are being very accepting about it. I'm going to have a good stab at joining the LGBT (Lesbien, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) Society on the main University campus, because I think I need some likeminded heathens to mix with, and perhaps might find that special someone there too. I'll keep you informed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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