AtheistMommy Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 If there was a way of helping your MIL understand your son's intentions, sounds like this would go a long way to resolving the tension. It seems she has interpreted his behaviour one way (seeing it as 'bad manners' and therefore 'disrespectful') when really its a response to the fact that he gets excited when he see's her. If she really understood this to mean 'my grandson is happy to see me' she'd likely respond differently. For a child who is as ceative as your son its probably better to describe what you would like him to do, than what you don't want him to do. Fewer bases to cover!! You might be right but I've explained this to her before. He just gets really excited to see her and that he really loves her. She knows this. He seems to love his grandma more then any of the other grandchildren. I suppose its because they bonded when he was a new born. Not sure. He does have to be talked to in a different way then your average child. But if done correctly he's a model kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Like I said before, I have taught him to use utensils and he sometimes insists on having one. It's just this one time he just wanted to act this way. I suppose because he was at his grandmas and he was feeling very happy. He gets excited around her. He doesn't see her much. And Gramma ruined it. Your kid is five. He should feel comfortable around his family. The assumption gramma makes that her home is the same as "eating out" at a five star restaurant....is presumptuous and way out of line. She freaked because she is sure your son would eat with his hands in public. It's not her call. And she has put a lovely dent in her relationship with your son now. Trust me. He's not going to forget, and will likely be pretty guarded around her next time. Don't push him to "get over it" and don't let her push him to "get over it" either. Adults have a bad habit of thinking they can treat a child however, and that child has no right to react to it. HEY HUSBAND!!! You are married to AM, NOT your mother! It is your duty to support your wife! You are to represent a united front to other people (especially family). If you disagree with your wife, do it privately, and do not discuss disagreements with your family. It's not your mother's business how you may or may not disagree with your own wife! This is an internal family matter, DON'T you DARE turn it into 'Days of Our Lives" by involving In Laws! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 HEY HUSBAND!!! You are married to AM, NOT your mother! It is your duty to support your wife! You are to represent a united front to other people (especially family). If you disagree with your wife, do it privately, and do not discuss disagreements with your family. It's not your mother's business how you may or may not disagree with your own wife! This is an internal family matter, DON'T you DARE turn it into 'Days of Our Lives" by involving In Laws! Amen! Er... Right on!! AM, I don't have kids, but I do have MIL issues too. I think your son could have been Mr. Manners and something would have still blown up. My MIL does it to me. I can totally relate to you and the others on here that have similar problems. I'm considering moving out-of-state and I also think it's about the only way to save our marriage without mommy dearest butting her head in our lives and our marriage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 ....LOL! My son would love to eat with his feet. I'm just glad he hasn't got that idea yet. He likes to run around the house like he's a monkey and build things. Its the influence of movies. Its cute when he does it. It takes a pretty smart kid to have an imagination like that. I bet you got your hands full with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 This is exactly what worries me. My parents went though the same thing. And at ten years of marriage they divorced. I don't want that to happen to us. I've been thinking about moving to another state for a while now. Maybe that's what's best for our marriage. We lived in Hawaii for the first 3 years of our marriage. It didn't help. I should have set some boundaries.... but I don't know if that would have worked since the wife (a wonderful woman I still care deeply for) was raised to be permanently tied to her mothers apron strings. I was trying to break up a set. It didn't work. In reading the other replies I got an idea.... Teach your son that when dining out in public, or with grandma, he has to eat with his "people tools" and when with just you and dad at home he can eat with his "wild animal tools." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Atheist Mommy, I can not express to you how much I feel for what you're going thru with your MIL. I think we might even share the same MIL or they are sisters? To make you feel better or give you a chuckle here are my MIL from Hell Top 5 things she did. 5) Use to bring over a dinner plate for my husband every night as she didn't think I was feeding him right. (Neither me or the children were worthy of a dish, of course the kids were babies at that time.) 4) I not only did her laundry and folded it and drove it to and from her house (in addition to my own house's ungodly amount of laundry ) she'd have the nerve to complain I didn't do it in a timely fashion. OF course Like with the dinner plate, I was young and didn't want to upset my husbands mother, so did it. 3) She left how to talk to your kids about divorce books in my car once. 2) It's totally My fault we have 4 kids and what a horrific person I am to put such a burden on her son. and Number one worst thing she EVER did to me was at a In-laws/Husbands family Christmas. She got everyone nice gifts. some what expensive gifts. It's not the fact that I got 4 tin plates, it's the fact that she left the bright orange 4 for a dollar sticker on that made me cry. Of course me crying only ment I was ungrateful in her eyes. My father made me feel better when I called to cry on his shoulder and told me, She could have left the sticker on but gave me one plate. It made me smile. Thank the gawds I had someone to shed a chuckle on the entire horrible humiliating experience. I married her baby who can do no wrong in her eyes. I frankly don't think she would have been nice to anyone that he married. She wanted a quiet submissive church girl for her perfect son, and it grates her she has a very talkative, loud, strong willed opinionated anything but Church girl. She's grown to deal with me now, I don't do jack for her and only see her when I'm forced to do family functions. She holds her comments and I give a smile and HI, but I hold Zero conversations with her. I think now she's a bitter lonely lady, part of me feels bad, but I refuse to put my emotions thru the ringer just because she's pissed off her son moved out and got his own family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 It never ceases to amaze me how rude and obnoxious people can be, and they don't even see it in themselves. I'm glad you're not bending over backwards for her anymore. I think part of the problem is that when some people realize they can take advantage of another person, they abuse that as much as they can get away with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I know I said something like this before but do you have to go? Why can't your husband and son visit with his family and you stay home? If you don't want to divorce your husband you might have to "divorce" his family. I know it sucks to be "left out" of things but why put yourself through all this? They aren't your family. You have no obligation to them. You tried and it just hasn't worked out. You're not preventing the other two people from having a continuing relationship with them either. You're just taking charge of your own life. It does create a bit of resentment because you're not going to his family functions and he may be going to your families things but if he would have been supportive and respectful of you to begin with then it wouldn't have had to come to this. It's time to lay in that bed he's made. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clearview Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 MIL issues aside, there's something wrong when a kid can't behave enough to eat with utensils when requested. If any kid in my family got angry because he/she was yelled at, there wouldn't be anyone trying to calm that kid down. The kid would be in trouble. Most certainly, the kid wouldn't be set in front of a TV for weeks, much less right then and there. But then, my parents knew better than to debate with each other in front of us. My 2 cents. Sorry, I don't think there's an excuse for this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D Laurier Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Hi, Atheist Mommy, Your mother in law needs to FUCK OFF and stop playing her head games. and you might need to tell her as much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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