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Goodbye Jesus

Ever Wonder Why Vw's Got Problems?


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...at least if they all think like that.


So recently we (at VW Bank, which is basically a company of its own within VW corporation) have encountered lotsa trouble with a certain software we use to manage, create et cetera user accounts and assign user priviledges in most of our systems. The software is being developed and thus also supported at VW itself, in the main site at nearby Wolfsburg. This week's Wodan's day we got mail from our local main supporter for that software "Open a priority 1 incident here with us, and call the EHD (Enterprise helpdesk) in Wolfsburg to tell them to do the same!". Right he was, after all, without this crappy program our entire user management is effectively disabled.

(I should add that our incident management system, just like the one at VW itself, knows 5 priority levels for reported incidents. The standard problem ("Help, Word won't open" or similar) is priority 4. Level 2 is equivalent to Hurrican Katrina, level 1 is the 2004 Tsunami)

So I call EHD WOB (WOB being short for Wolfsburg) and explain the situation to them, demand a priority 1 incident. They agree. Next I fire up my read-only access to the WOB systems and find the incident representing our report in their management systems... with priority 2.

Alright, this I can rationalize. A total disaster for all of the bank is just a single group's problem from VW's perspective. But some two hours later I check again and see... that in WOB the incident was already closed. I check the "solution" entry and find...

...a description of the problem! :Hmm:


Yes, you read that right. We basically cried out to them "Help, it doesn't work" and their "solution" is "Yup, it doesn't work"! :banghead:


We call them back "Reopen that incident, your "solution" is not acceptable!". "Yes sir doing sir" they reply... and open a new incident with priority 3. :vent:

I keep checking that one for status while I constantly fight daydreams of coming over to them to pay a visit with something big and heavy in hand... like a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

The incident gets reassigned to another group... and reassigned... and reassigned... and reassigned... back and forth... ad nauseam...

...finally, a genuine entry! Wow, I think! Then I read it:

"IM120xxx? That's not even a valid incident number!"

You're right fucktard - it's not a valid incident number in your system (WOB's count is somewhere around 0490xxxx currently). That's why the incident description says clearly "Incident number with the FS AG is IM120xxx"! :banghead:

And then yet another entry...

"...trying to reach Mr Kasey (name changed) via phone to clarify situation".

Never mind that we clearly stated (and that they mentioned it in their description, so they can't claim that they didn't know) that our contact for this problem is not Mr Kasey from our helpdesk, but Mr Huxley (name changed) - Mr Kasey just called them to demand that they reopen the former incident...


So this incident has been closed too... our user management is drowned by angry calls "why is user XY still unable to access system whatever?!" while - I trust - they gather together the parts they need for a bomb to send to WOB...


Now imagine: What if all reported problems are treated like that?! :blink:


...so folks, remember: Whenever you see a Volkswagen on the road, honor with a minute of silence the miracle before thine own eyes - the miracle that the cars built there still work. :Hmm:


Aaaah, now I feel better. Thanks for reading through my little rant...

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I had a VW bug once. I liked it, until it caught fire and burned to a crisp.

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