How Bad Things Can Get...

[Variable]

So anyways I thought things couldn't get any worse. I deconvert out of Christianity. During this process I end up disowning my extremely abusive controlling mother who is a psychotic pentecostal and tries to control me with religion. Toward the end (when she was telling me not to talk back to her or God would strike me with lightning and all this stuff) and I finally cut her off. Should have cut her off much sooner. She calls my sister and and talks about how she wants to kill herself. My sister (goodness bless her) tells her to start seeing a counselor. Haven't talked to my mother since. Can't deal with her. Anybody relate?

[Kelli]

Absolutely. Just remember, your mother is not your responsibility. Yes, it's sad to see her so screwed up, but that's not your fault. You do what you need to to keep yourself healthy.

 

I've dealt with both relatives and (former) friends who were psychotic over religion (among other things).

[Poonis]

Haven't seen my mother in almost a decade due to her fundy extremist ways of raising me. Haven't seen my dad in about two months since I broke it to him that I am an atheist (my parents divorced when I was 1 years old, and haven't talked to each other since).

 

I'm sure both have had sleepless nights praying to god to save my soul. On the other hand, I sleep better than I ever did as a christian.

[Lola Getz]

Haven't talked to my mother since. Can't deal with her. Anybody relate?

Whoo, boy, can I relate. My mother wasn't a fundy herself, but she was pretty crazy, with a lot of baggage left over from her own childhood that she took out on me, plus she was extremely controlling and wanted to micromanage every aspect of my life, even after I reached adulthood. Because it had been drilled into me from the get-go that I could never go against my mom, in my desperation to break free I literally "ran away" - I moved from Atlanta to London, thinking that I had to put that distance between us to hold on to my own sanity. Drastic, but it worked and I finally grew up and realized that the earth wasn't going to stop spinning on its axis just because I finally stood up to my mother.

 

I'm a much better person for it, although still slightly embarrassed years later that the only way I was able to break free of being completely dominated by my parent was to put an entire ocean between us. Still, I finally grew a spine and have never looked back.

 

Your mother is trying to control you by making you feel bad about yourself. So did mine. Realize that you are a valuable person and that her saying otherwise doesn't make it so.

 

I had the option of putting a large distance between me and my controlling mother; you might not have that option. If not, my advice to you is that the next time you're in her company and she starts "acting out", don't engage in an argument, but simply get up and leave. The next time you speak to her after that, tell her why you left and that thereafter when she behaves in that manner, you will get up and leave again and again until she gets the message. The same thing applies to telephone conversations. You have a right not to put up with someone else's bad behavior, even if that person is your mother. You have a right to be treated civilly.

 

Religion has nothing to do with it; it's a matter of respect. Demand it. It took me years to do it myself, and now I wonder what took me so long.

[Lanakila]

I haven't seen nor talked to my father since xmas 2005. He is a fundy pentecostal. Upon my deconversion my now ex husband told my dad I was an atheist now. Then we got a divorce which is a horrible sin. But the biggest cause for no communication is that I quit trying. As a Christian I felt like it was my duty to not only respect my dad but to keep up the relationship. As an atheist I realize that you can't make people do what they don't want to do, and that a one sided relationship is just too damn hurtful for me.