Kelli Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I honestly never thought I'd be saying (typing) this. Please excuse my dazed rant. I'm still reeling from the events of the past day. I held onto that agnostic, even somewhat pagan view of god for so long now, for a couple of reasons. First, my parnormal experiences. Still can't explain them. I won't use them as an excuse to believe in god anymore though. Second, I think I just wanted to believe that there was some order in this world. That there was some unseen force and there really was some big dude (or dudette) in the sky who actually gave a shit about what happens to me. Fuck that noise. I'm over it. I can't believe what has happened to me in the past day. I work. A lot. I just accepted a part-time job to go along with my full-time job. Always that goddamned carrot dangling in front of me. Things will get better if I work harder, blah, blah, blah. In three days my family will be homeless if I don't friggin' figure out where the hell we're going to go. My side gigs have been slow, I lost a lot of money in October because of a big storm that took out our paid side gigs for a couple of weeks. We were playing catchup. I had just won a suit with my landlord because they had neglected to make repairs and left the sky to rain in on my kitchen ceiling for three months. That did nothing but cost me attorney's fees. Well, I was about to make my last payment to catch up on rent and my landlord evicted me yesterday. I have 72 hours to move all our shit out of here and find a new place to live. I'm supposed to be starting a new job Monday along with my current job. Needless to say, I'm just stunned. I have a wife and five kids to take care of. Who gives a shit? I realize that what is happening to us is tame compared to what happens to other people. That's what really bothers me. What we're going through is bad enough. At least I am employed. Why the fuck does an allegedly loving god allow people to do this to each other? Why does a loving god allow this to happen to people? If god is so evident, why are people such heartless, greedy motherfucking assholes? I have known this for some time, but it became very evident to me in the past day that the only way that people ever see "God" in christians is when christians actually do something. God doesn't magically come to your rescue. People have to help each other. Christians usually don't help anyone in a situation like mine, because after all, it must be because I'm living in sin... Pffft! Any help that comes isn't from some god. Help comes when people actually decide to treat each other in a humane, decent manner. So fuck me for trying to live in a decent school district for my kids. Bit off more than I could chew. The good news is that if I can keep my head level enough to keep my mind on working, I'll be starting a part time job in a new career on Monday, which will eventually lead to full-time and much better pay. I've been in my current line of work for over 15 years and I'm damned good at it. I'm pretty much entry level in my new job and from the start will be making nearly as much as I do in my current job. I can honestly say that I didn't revert to praying about this whole thing. In the past I would have worried myself to death and been praying my brains out simultaneously. Yeah, I'm a bit stressed out, but I'm taking action instead of waiting on some imaginary god to come to my rescue. So at least I have some hope. Some people have no hope. Some people don't get anything in this life except shit handed to them left and right. But don't tell me my hope is from god. My hope is because I have worked hard all my life despite the obstacles. My hope is because there are some decent people in the world, despite any evidence for a loving god. My hope is because I picked myself up and took some action instead of sitting around waiting for things to happen. So fuck god. He just got evicted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 My hope is because I picked myself up and took some action instead of sitting around waiting for things to happen. That's the only hope that's worth having IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikefight Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I am a recent ex-c myself as of 3 months ago. I did not leave in anger. I was simply studing the history of religion and that flipped the switch for me. Every since I stopped believeing my christian friends assume I am going through some sort of emotional break down and I am angry at God. They believe that I am going to get over it and come back. Seeing how you "ARE" angry at God, I would venture to say that you will hear a lot of people saying the same things I hear. How can you be angry at something that does not exist? Leaving a believe system as an emotional response to you situation leaves an easy excuse to start believing again and an easy way for your christian friends to pull at you feelings. I think it is great you are realizing that you have to make it through life on your own, no magic being is going to save you. It will help you make better decisions, good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Seeing how you "ARE" angry at God, I would venture to say that you will hear a lot of people saying the same things I hear. How can you be angry at something that does not exist? I think a pretty good response to that would be: "Because it dawned on me that I had been deeply in love with something that didn't exist." Emotions do not require reality to be real themselves. If they did, there would be a lot of movies and books out there that would be pretty damn pointless. Shakespeare would be meaningless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikefight Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I think a pretty good response to that would be: "Because it dawned on me that I had been deeply in love with something that didn't exist." Emotions do not require reality to be real themselves. If they did, there would be a lot of movies and books out there that would be pretty damn pointless. Shakespeare would be meaningless. I see your point. I never thought of it that way. I am very logical in my thinking and I guess that takes away from my emotional understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Damn Celt Cat, I'm sorry to hear that you've been evicted. I hope that when you find a new place and you have a new landlord they won't be such negligent pricks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Damn, Celt Cat, whose leg did you hump to be made a moderator after only just joining the forum? In all seriousness, I hope things work out for you and Suzie quickly. I've been in enough of situations like that to know the pressure and how it can really fuck with your mental stability. Anymore of that and I may go off the deep end. Funny, isn't it, how when you're in trouble the only help you can count on is from other humans? No matter my flavor of Theism, I never once got any obviously otherwordly help - it was always people that hooked me up when I needed it. Sure, people gave all sorts of excuses to make it seem like this god or that was behind it, but my own two eyes revealed the truth and it was only a matter of time before it sunk into my brain. We made all the gods in our own images. It high time we placed faith not in those images, but in the source of them. No matter one's religion, that's the only place help ever comes from - humanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodsmoke Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I work. A lot. I just accepted a part-time job to go along with my full-time job. Always that goddamned carrot dangling in front of me. Things will get better if I work harder, blah, blah, blah. Hooray for the puritanical work ethic! Work hard! Then work harder! Now keep working! Work still more, and all will be well! ...What? All's not well? You got kicked in the nuts, punched in the nose, shit on by the system and thrown to the curb to rot? Well, you obviously didn't work hard enough, you miserable, lazy fuck! Hope all turns out well for you and yours, Cat. That's a real mess of pure, 100% grade-A bullshit you're wading through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Since you've worked hard and done your best, it must be one of those five kids God's pissed at. Sorry about all this crap landing on you, Cat, and I hope you find good solutions real soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Damn, Celt Cat, whose leg did you hump to be made a moderator after only just joining the forum? In all seriousness, I hope things work out for you and Suzie quickly. I've been in enough of situations like that to know the pressure and how it can really fuck with your mental stability. Anymore of that and I may go off the deep end. Funny, isn't it, how when you're in trouble the only help you can count on is from other humans? No matter my flavor of Theism, I never once got any obviously otherwordly help - it was always people that hooked me up when I needed it. Sure, people gave all sorts of excuses to make it seem like this god or that was behind it, but my own two eyes revealed the truth and it was only a matter of time before it sunk into my brain. We made all the gods in our own images. It high time we placed faith not in those images, but in the source of them. No matter one's religion, that's the only place help ever comes from - humanity. Haha! I hump the webmaster and Nivek on a daily basis. Whoring Susie out for the cause was what really did it though. Seriously, I had the pleasure of a nice sitdown meeting with our webmaster a few weeks ago, plus I am already a mod/admin on other forums so I guess I have "references." Nivek and I have had quite a few good phone conversations and he almost convinced me to move out to OryGunn. If it hadn't been for my job offer, he may have had me convinced. Well, I found out today what my landlord's beef is. Let's just say that it is an attempt to silence me because I went public with the facts about the (medium sized corporation) I rent from and their negligence. They may have me down a bit right now, but I go down fighting. And I don't kill easy. And I tend to resurrect from the dead and come back to haunt you anyway... Let's just say all I have had to do is mention the name of the company I rent from and what they did to us and I've had other landlords offering us places. We also haven't been served with the 72 hour notice yet because I had an attorney file an appeal. So we're good for now. We rented a storage space today just in case, got some good legal counsel, and we're getting ready to get out. Not sure where we'll end up, but I know it will be better than this shithole. We have great references so I don't think finding a new place is going to be a big deal, it's just the finding one in 72 hours AND moving in that timeframe that was overwhelming. We also wanted to stay in the same school district, but at this point I don't know how big a deal that really is. Anyway, you're right. The only help you can count on is humans. First, you yourself have to take some action, and then others will most likely help you along the way. No god there, no god necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 I am a recent ex-c myself as of 3 months ago. I think it is great you are realizing that you have to make it through life on your own, no magic being is going to save you. It will help you make better decisions, good luck. Hi Mike, I've been out of christianity for some time now. I went through all the anger and crap already, though it still angers me quite a bit at times when I see people screwed over by religion. The one thing I didn't give up was an agnostic belief in a deity of some sort. I've been holding on the that for quite a while. At this point I'm pretty much an atheist. If god magically revealed himself and came down to earth so we could all see him and he tangibly started helping people through the bullshit of life, I might believe. Until then, I will remain a skeptical atheist who lives by some pagan philosophy as a guideline. Oh, and god, if he comes down, can start working in Africa. I was sitting in the attorney's office today reading a Time magazine article about some of the crisis' in Africa. They're much worse off than I'll probably ever be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Damn Celt Cat, I'm sorry to hear that you've been evicted. I hope that when you find a new place and you have a new landlord they won't be such negligent pricks. Thanks LR. I think we will. I've rented from good people before. And within a couple of years I am quite sure we will be buying our own house (which of course comes with its own set of problems, LOL). We're still bouncing back from me being out of work for nearly two years after being diagnosed and treated for a major heart malfunction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Hope all turns out well for you and yours, Cat. That's a real mess of pure, 100% grade-A bullshit you're wading through. Thanks woodsmoke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Since you've worked hard and done your best, it must be one of those five kids God's pissed at. Sorry about all this crap landing on you, Cat, and I hope you find good solutions real soon. You know, it's funny you mention that. Susie and I have had so much shit happen to us we used to think that for real. We would work hard and the roof would fall flat on us and we'd just go "WTF!?" and wonder what we did to piss god off. Even up until recently I think we were both convinced that we were cursed somehow. If we were still fundies we'd be drowning in depression and not being proactive in changing it for the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahgrace Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Celt Cat, it seems to me that you and your family have outstanding perspective on the whole mess. Have there been any new developments in the situation? I wish you the best... last minute moves are so stressful! I remember the time I had to make a move overseas with 4 days' notice... madness! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 Just got home from a gig. While I was out, Susie nailed down a new place for us. It's about 10 miles from our current location, in a different school district (can't help that one) but it's craploads cheaper and still pretty close to both places of employment. We've been busy the past two days packing, fretting, calling potential landlords and talking to attorneys. There's going to be a nice lawsuit over this, and the management company that gave us the boot is going to be really sorry they ever pulled this shit. Basically what they did goes against what NYS calls the "right to organize" with other tenants and form a tenant advocacy program. They singled us out to give us the boot because we spoke out against their slumlord practices and called the building inspector on them to force them to fix what grossly needed to be fixed. I'm just happy we'll be out of this place and out from under them. Bastards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 That's fantastic news Cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahgrace Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 *HIGH FIVE!* That's excellent. Here's to a smooth transition for you... as smooth as it can be! Will the kids have to change schools mid-term or will they be able to pull strings and let them finish out the term at their current school? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtheistMommy Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Welcome to the thinking side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 *HIGH FIVE!* That's excellent. Here's to a smooth transition for you... as smooth as it can be! Will the kids have to change schools mid-term or will they be able to pull strings and let them finish out the term at their current school? We can keep them in the school as long as we're willing to drive them ourselves. All the kids except one will most likely keep going to the old school. Our 14 year old has had a lot of problems making friends, hates the school and has not done very well this year, so we'll probably let her start at the new one right away if she wants to. I'll tell you, when Susie called me tonight just before my gig to let me know, it was the best news I had heard in quite a while. Then my live truck broke down so I got to ride home from my gig in the station van in a friggin' blizzard with three lovely promotions ladies... 'Twas a good ending to a day that started out crappy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahgrace Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I'll tell you, when Susie called me tonight just before my gig to let me know, it was the best news I had heard in quite a while. Then my live truck broke down so I got to ride home from my gig in the station van with three lovely promotions ladies... 'Twas a good ending to a day that started out crappy. See, all things work together for good. And all this happens on the day you declare atheism... atheism must be THE WAY!!! Sorry, i've been watching far too much Monty Python lately. My sense of humour has been a wee bit skewed as a result. All that to say I'm happy things are on the up and up for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 In three days my family will be homeless if I don't friggin' figure out where the hell we're going to go. My side gigs have been slow, I lost a lot of money in October because of a big storm that took out our paid side gigs for a couple of weeks. We were playing catchup. I had just won a suit with my landlord because they had neglected to make repairs and left the sky to rain in on my kitchen ceiling for three months. That did nothing but cost me attorney's fees. Well, I was about to make my last payment to catch up on rent and my landlord evicted me yesterday. I have 72 hours to move all our shit out of here and find a new place to live. I'm supposed to be starting a new job Monday along with my current job. Sorry to hear that. That sucks. So at least I have some hope. Some people have no hope. Some people don't get anything in this life except shit handed to them left and right. But don't tell me my hope is from god. My hope is because I have worked hard all my life despite the obstacles. My hope is because there are some decent people in the world, despite any evidence for a loving god. My hope is because I picked myself up and took some action instead of sitting around waiting for things to happen. Right. Humans are the only thing that can save themselves from themselves. I've learned that it is up to us to do something about whatever is causing us problems. Religious rituals don't solve any problems, they just relieve our anxieties on a temporary basis. I think I'm a humanist these days more than anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 Hey, thanks guys for the well wishing and concern. Today was a hell of a day... Waited until 3pm for the landlord of this new place to call us like he said he would. He didn't call, so we called him, only to have him say "I'm sorry, I rented the place to a woman who looked at it a couple days ago and came back with the money..." WTF? Thanks for calling and letting us know! We wasted the entire damned day that we could have been using to find another place... We went for a drive to go look at a couple of places but got caught in a friggin' blizzard (literally!). So we went home and started calling around to other places, and it was actually our next door neighbor who found and called on another place for us. It's minutes away, the landlord is very nice, and we have key in hand as of 8:30pm tonight! It's an older house in the city, but it's a full 4 bedroom house and it has a big fenced in yard. And we can keep the cat and the dog. The kids will stay in the old school until the end of the year and then we'll go from there. It's cheap, and still close to both workplaces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Congrats on finding a new place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknowing1 Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Hey, thanks guys for the well wishing and concern. Today was a hell of a day... Waited until 3pm for the landlord of this new place to call us like he said he would. He didn't call, so we called him, only to have him say "I'm sorry, I rented the place to a woman who looked at it a couple days ago and came back with the money..." WTF? Thanks for calling and letting us know! We wasted the entire damned day that we could have been using to find another place... We went for a drive to go look at a couple of places but got caught in a friggin' blizzard (literally!). So we went home and started calling around to other places, and it was actually our next door neighbor who found and called on another place for us. It's minutes away, the landlord is very nice, and we have key in hand as of 8:30pm tonight! It's an older house in the city, but it's a full 4 bedroom house and it has a big fenced in yard. And we can keep the cat and the dog. The kids will stay in the old school until the end of the year and then we'll go from there. It's cheap, and still close to both workplaces. Congratulations Celt Cat! I'm glad things worked out in finding a place. Your current landlord sounds like a complete jerk and you will be well rid of him. Good luck with the actual move. I hope things go smoothly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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