Is Hiv A Death Sentence?

[Rhia]

So yeah, the question in the subject: what do you think?

 

Everyone that I've known with HIV in my life has died, and one of my sisters was suspected of having it (they still don't know for sure until the full 90 days pre-req before testing is done).

 

My mother is angry at me for becoming upset that I felt I was being toyed around with whether or not my sister had it. (They told my boyfriend 2 weeks before me that she was so far negative, he didn't tell me that because he thought they told me) So now all I can do is wait and hope that the next test in 90 days is still negative.

 

Is it really not that much of a death sentence? I know there's medicine, but I guess I feel that if she turns out positive; that for me I'm going to be seeing myself burying another family member too soon.

 

My mom seems to find it a prideful thing that she would possibly have it. Like some badge of honour and a "wake up call" to the rest of her friends. She seemed proud of it with my brother even after his death; sparing no one the details of how he "most likely" contracted.

 

Has anyone else been through something remotely similar? Is it really not an automatic, long-lasting death sentence?

[hatepirate]

I wouldn't call it a death sentence. A serious disease? Yes. Death sentence? Not necessarily. Therapies are constantly improving, and with current therapies (like HAART), many people are able to greatly increase their general health and quality of life. To call it a death sentence is to give up hope, and I don't think that's good for anybody.

 

BTW, your mom sounds like a bitch.

[exbeliever]

Magic Johnson announced he had HIV in 1991. So, he's lived with it for at least 16 years.

[Thackerie]

Just type your question "Is HIV a death sentence" into google (or your favorite Internet browser) and you'll be referred to plenty of websites saying that it is NOT. For example, here's a pretty good one, though it's nearly a year old:

 

http://www.ipp.co.tz/ipp/guardian/2006/03/31/63244.html

[pandora]

When all we had to treat AIDS as AZT, yes it was a death sentence. But now, we have dozens and dozens of drugs, so when the virus becomes resistant to one, a new one can be tried. The key to successful HAART is compliance... if indeed your sister has it, she needs to take the drugs as directed, everyday... get the blood tests, every time... some of the drugs have very nasty side effects that keep people from being compliant, such as physical feature changes, cardiovascular problems, diabetes, neuropathies, the list goes on and on. It will be up to your sister when the time comes to decide if she'd rather take the risk with the side effects or live a higher quality (but shorter life) without the drugs. It's a tough decision... and one I hope she doesn't have to make.

 

My cousin was diagnosed in the early 90s, and he's still alive... but the side effects of the drugs seriously compromise his quality of life. But, like the others have said, with the new drugs out there, the life span of someone infected with AIDS has increased dramatically, almost to normal. A compliant AIDS patient is more likely to die from drug side effects than an infection acquired due to AIDS. Also, they won't suggest starting therapy until her CD4 counts are below a certain number (I think 400 is the cut off these days, it could be lower) so that will buy her some time until she really has to deal with it.

 

I'm crossing my fingers for you and your sister! AIDS is horrible. I wish it didn't exist.

[white_raven23]

When all we had to treat AIDS as AZT, yes it was a death sentence. But now, we have dozens and dozens of drugs, so when the virus becomes resistant to one, a new one can be tried. The key to successful HAART is compliance...

<snip>

 

Ah but that's the key....compliance. Rhia your sister will have to follow a very strict regimen of drugs. Only if she can do that, will her lifespan be decent. If she has anything like your mother's deranged martyr complex, or if she allows mommy's fucked up POV to influence her, she will NOT be faithful about her drugs.

 

You would think drug compliance wouldn't be an issue....but it is. People fail to take their drugs, for everything from pregnancy prevention to paranoid schitzophrenia, you've got folks going off their meds.

[Rhia]

Thank you guys a lot. When my dad contracted it in '88, he was dead by 92- drugs and all. He took all the drugs, complied with all the tests, and in the end someone coughed too close to him, he caught a cold, and was dead in a week. I understand what you said pandora about changes in physical features. He was a really gorgeous guy, tall and muscular. When he died it looked like he almost shrunk- and he was nearly as thin as me, and I was 8. My brother killed himself when his HIV test came back positive for full-blown AIDS. I thought by then that my family would be smart enough to teach my younger siblings that unprotected sex can lead to that through word and example; but obviously not.

 

When my mom sprung this on me, I asked her the same question I asked you. She wouldn't give me an answer, just "it isn't, so deal with it". I asked my sister what she would do if she found out she was positive- and she half-jokingly said that she would do what our brother did. She actually has told our mother she doesn't care if she has it or not, because she thinks she's too young to get it- no matter how many times anyone tries to pound into her thick skull that anyone can get it.

 

It would help if my sister actually took meds when she should as well. She can't even keep her birth control straight for a week, I can't imagine what fights would break out and what pain she would put herself through if she was positive and kept going on and off with her meds.

 

Fundy's suck pretty badly with that question too. I asked it when I was 16 (right after my brother died) to my youth pastor. His response was the same crap about god's will, consequences of sin, and "we don't know what was on his heart and mind in that last moment- so he could very well be in Heaven, even if he did kill himself and have AIDS".

 

So again, thank you. It's hard to discover exactly what to think on a subject sometimes with so many conflicting views out there.

[Former Follier]

Fundy's suck pretty badly with that question too. I asked it when I was 16 (right after my brother died) to my youth pastor. His response was the same crap about god's will, consequences of sin, and "we don't know what was on his heart and mind in that last moment- so he could very well be in Heaven, even if he did kill himself and have AIDS".

 

The vast majority of fundy's like to blame the victims of the AIDS and HIV viruses (and many other communicable diseases), claiming that their actions have brought on the necessary consequences even going so far as to say that God has found the sins they committed to be punishable by death. Of course, that's all bull shit.

 

They turn God into the Correction Officer slated with the task of throwing the switch on 'Ole Sparky. Good thing I don't have "God's Love" in my life.

[LosingMyReligion]

Is HIV a death sentence? Not anymore. Yes, it is still a horrid disease; however, if caught early enough(which is why testing should be routine for sexually active people) the virus can be controlled through a healthy lifestyle and medicine("cocktail")regime. Many people are living with HIV, and are just as healthy as you or I. They just have to keep constant vigil over their health, and ALWAYS take the medicine because the virus can mutate if left unattended.

 

As it was mentioned upthread Magic Johnson has been living with the virus for nearly 20-years(and he does take the same meds that every other HIV infected person does...He was not cured). And, in my opinion, he still looks as good as he did when he was a young man.

 

HIV is only a death sentence if you allow it to be. Yes, an HIV diagnosis means a new way of living your life. But, it can be the beginning of something new.

 

I read alot about the disease(to get over my irrational fears of it), and while it is a terrible virus it can be managed much like Diabetes and other chronic illnesses.

 

So just be there for your sister if she does have it. She'll need it because there is so much stigma regarding STD's, particularly HIV. One of my friends died of AIDS three years ago(he was 27), and were it not for the stigma that his religious parents put on him(His mother was a religious psycho bitch, who believed his sexuality was the reason god was punishing him with HIV) he might have gotten the help and still be alive today...

 

The best thing is to not contract it(Practice safer sex and avoid intravenous drug use with used needles) at all. But if you do there are resources for you.

 

If your sis does have it you should forward her to an HIV support group. It will help her to not feel isolated.

 

So, until there is a cure(which I hope. I hope the virus is erradicated)prevention and medication are our only weapons.

 

Take care.

 

On that note, your mother should be slapped in the face. She is really being evil.

[Piprus]

HIV is not a "death sentence" anymore. It's become a chronic disease, like diabetes. One that can be managed, one where the patient, with proper care and management, can have a chance at a good life. It's a disease that also calls for honesty and precautions in terms of sexual activity. But, one that is probably going to end up shorter than average in terms of life span, unfortunately.

 

Hopefully there will be a vaccine in the near future, just as there was with polio.

 

In the meantime, we will have to deal with it as best we can based on what we know.

[LosingMyReligion]

Also, never practice unprotected sex with another HIV positive individual. You can reinfect each other, which causes the virus to mutate(therefore, negating the positive effects of the medication).

[Rhia]

...still waiting for the 90 days to dwindle down so I can know for sure.

 

Luckily, my father contracted after I was born, and he wasn't with my mother- so any of my sibs who may have or will contract it wont be genetic, and I've been tested more than once just to be sure that I'm negative.

 

Watching him die a slow death convinced and scared me at a young age about respecting my own body. My sister has a different father, and I guess because she never saw mine laying in the casket before he was cremated; she never got the chance to understand. I was hoping that my brother taking the same turn would at least open her eyes; but she claims she "just can't get it".

 

She also claims to be bi-polar, and to not be able to make decisions on her feet, but I'm not so sure that's what's making her think it's an okay excuse to do whatever she wants.

 

Any suggestions on how to possibly thwack it into my sister's head that she's not invincible? Before school started, I took her to an AIDS center in her city, but all she did was get a bag of condoms and run to the car giggling about how much sex she was going to have. I wanted to take her to a hospital ward that may have AIDS patients there during their final days, but I had to return to school before I had the chance.

 

She thinks I'm way too much of a square (I'll admit it! I'm a geek!) to even be trusted on the subject, but I don't want to just stand back and watch her live her life in a harmful way.

[Guest EnHiding]

If I recall (I'm sorry for not having links on hand) the drug treatments are effective enough that people are starting to live long enough to die from things not related to AIDS.

 

I feel very compassionate for your situation. I've never been in that position, but I imagine that not knowing is the worst part.

 

The key is to just keep on living. I don't know how to explain it. Just don't quit. Take your drugs and go on living. It's all got to end sometime. Just don't end it early.

 

Sincerely,

 

EnHiding

[BlueGiant]

I'll admit this: HIV is one of the few things that scares the ever living shit out of me. Say what you will about drugs getting better or people living with it, and that the side effects aren't as henious, there are a few simple facts:

 

The current treatments use some really nasty drugs that don't just attack the virus, but the guy using them, just like the virus, drugs don't discriminate either.

 

There is no cure for it as of yet. Even a prospective one in phase trials to my knowledge (and if I am wrong, someone please correct me). Eventually it will kill, current treatments only serve to postpone that fact.

 

You can live with it, but that is going to be a damn expensive proposition.

 

As for the not invincible part, wish I knew a gentle cure for invulnerability, but it usually involves pain and death in signifigant portions. A better track may be to point out the suffering of others that she could inflict if she is positive, spreading the virus, etc. People are often braver with their own lives than with the lives of others.

[Jella]

When I think of the title of the OP, I have mixed feelings about it. While yes there has been the development of the drug cocktail, and many have lived for up to twenty years after being infected, that initial diagnosis can lead you to the conclusion that it is in fact a death sentence. Having it suspended for a time via drug treatment doesn't change the fact that you are living with a virus that can kill you, and at any tme. Not everybody can take treatment, and the side effects can be brutal to live with. So many emotions come into play, and unless you've been diagnosis with something that can and will kill you it's difficult to understand. A cancer diagnosis will leave you much in the same emotional state, the difference however, is that when you tell loved ones, their usually is an outpour of support and empathy. Not so is the case when you tell people you have HIV/AIDS. For both the person and loved ones, while it is usually not spoken, it is sensed as how could you/I have allowed this to happen. Straight away these feelings of guilt and shame can overwhelm any realization that it can be treated. Have a candid conversation with any parent that has been told by their gay son that they are infected, and I can assure you their initial reaction is not the same as them telling them they have cancer or diabetes.

 

Compliance is a key they say, but given the amounts of drugs, especially in the early years that one has to consume it is much easier said than done. The emotional toll, and not even considering the side effects can lead many to just say fuck it. If your already suffering from low self-worth this changing of lifestyle is a kin to moving a mountain.

 

The side effects, are plentiful and again one needs to ask themselves can I do this. Some after years, drugs can affects your body shape, bloating comes to mind, digestive problems, diarrhea which leads to dehydration and damage to liver and other organs.

 

Intimacy has now changed, and if you do come clean with your POZ status, it's a better than 50-50 chance that your partner will not be able or willing to handle it. The gay community has failed miserably on this point, and really if not for your closest friends, many would have just given up, but then again they are not the ones you are intimate with. Finding a willing partner can go along way in keeping a positive outlook, (positive having a complete 180 as to impact and meaning) Getting even a bit depress, can quickly degenerate into a chronic condition, so staying upbeat is a real struggle.

 

Once you are diagnosed with a major health concern related to AIDS is another milestone that can lead you just that much closer to the realization that death is knocking on the door. Think about it, do you really want to know? Isn't it just easier to live your life, and when it happens it happens. Having that tidbit of reality in the back of your mind can be a motivator to some, but from what I've seen it's more of a crutch, that is just too easily accessed when times are difficult.

 

Magic Johnson has been brought up, and you know I'm quite happy for him that he has managed this disease and is able to live his life, as well as can be expected. A big difference however, is that he has the resources, to afford him the quality care needed to mange this disease.

 

There is a lot more that goes into living with a major illness, and for me it comes back to while yes, it can be managed as with diabetes, when you tell someone you have diabetes, you don't get that look of pity, disgust, disgrace that you do when you mention the big A.

 

While this is probably not what you want to hear Rhia, and I have written this a number of times and just deleted it, it's important enough I feel to say. Being diagnosed today, is much different that say 15 years ago. There is reason to live, and getting support via groups and AIDS organizations can be key to maintaining a postive, ( there's that word again) outlook on your future. Talking it out with others, and seeking professional assistance can put a person on the right track to living your life as if you have diabetes. Inner strenght is needed, and ridding yourself of guilt and negative components is essential in my view.

[LosingMyReligion]

I agree with you Jella. However, sometimes I do try and have a Pollyanna attitude when it comes to the disease. I used to volunteer as an HIV/AIDS counselor my sophomore year in college. And the look that comes across someone's face when you tell him or her that he or she is positive is enough to make you want to cry. However, we were trained to be non judgemental, tell them their options, and help them get treatment. We try and help them realize that it doesn't have to be the end. Because The first thing that goes through an individual's mind is, "I'm gonna die." There is no way around that initial fear even if you are the strongest person. It is AIDS, and there is no cure(which is pathetic, and I blame society at large for this) on the way. The individual already knows that so my thinking is, "Why should I reinforce that when they are going to have a difficult time trying to sleep tonight?"

 

Many people believe that because we've made significant strides with the medication that it is cool to be hyper promiscous and party without protection because of the alleged "safety net." But some don't realize that HIV entails a regime of, perhaps, hundreds of pills in the span of a week. And if you even miss a day of your medication the virus can mutate. Then the dreaded side effects come into play. It is alot like cancer. If the disease doesn't kill you the treatment will make you wish you were dead in many cases. Furthermore, the stigma attached to HIV/AIDS still remains. You are not comforted because you have the disease. You are judged for the way you got it. How can you tell your family members you are positive when the first thing out of most of their mouths is condemnation? When you are diagnosed with the virus the odds are immediately stacked against you in so many ways. So my view is why make them feel any worse?

 

I think we need to start making HIV prevention more mainstream so that people will stop contracting the virus. However, people still need hope that they can go incase they are positive. Me, I am scared shitless of the disease. I take every single precaution available before being intimate with someone. So I Totally agree with everything you said; however, my perspective on the matter is a little different.

[The Sage Nabooru]

Growing up, I remember the early days hearing adults talking about something called "AIDS". Some people had died of it, but others seemed to be responding to treatment; obviously it was not as big a deal as it was made out by the media to be.

 

Over twenty years later, well, you know.

 

As for "death sentence".......there are always going to be a few freaks in the system. Now people act like "freak" neccessarily means something bad: Not so. "Freak" is just "waaaaaay outside the norm". And some people, for reasons unknown, can live with HIV or AIDS for a much longer period of time than others. That goes for other diseases and conditions, too - I've heard of heavy smokers who've been in the habit since they were in their teens, not die until they're in their 80s or 90s and even then of unrelated causes. Albeit the vast majority of heavy smokers that haven't quit whom I have known, died in their 50s or 60s. Some people are just capable of living with it. Maybe they have lungs or immune systems of iron or something. I don't know.

[Rhia]

Thanks again.

 

I'm still waiting to hear, I think it's bothering me to wait more than it's bothering her.

 

There's nothing more to do but wait. By now I'm doing my best to not think on it as much.

 

I feel grateful that at least it's not me waiting for an answer about my own body. I feel scared for her, nonetheless.

[Jella]

I have always lived by the mantra that you must protect yourself. Don't rely on someone to come clean with their status, as for some they honestly don't know, largely because the refused to get tested. Not having that information gives them a sense that they are negative, because they haven't been told otherwise. I can't remember a time ever when I've left a club with a guy that he's asked me the question., nor have I asked. Generally, you could tell from what their practices were, or at least it could give you some suspicion. It's a buzz kill, and when you think about it, you don't find your intimate time together at all pleasing. Part of the thrill of tricking, is that you can lose your inhibitions for an evening with someone you find sexy, and without any emotional baggage. Many may find that appalling, but I think some hetro men know exactly what that's like.

 

Some others may be well aware of their poz status, and for those that are barebacking they are playing Russian roulette with their lives. I don't think many understand what it's like to live with hopelessness. When I think of hopelessness, I think of no future, living for today and looking for more immediate gratification. Some of those that are into this practice, have lived with the disease for many years, and one would think that since it's shown that you can live for many years after being diagnosed, why would someone's behavior be so reckless. Living longer doesn't necessarily equate into a good quality of life. You know, the old quantity Vs quality.

 

I commend you LRM for helping those infected, it's not something many folks can do. I understand that many have different perspectives, but one thing I think most can agree on, is that the stigma of being HIV+ affects everybody. Some can move forward, and some completely fall apart. The spectrum of those in the middle find themselves swinging to each end at different parts of their lives.

 

Living your life as if you are on limited time can also lead you to problems down the road, when you find after 15 years you have not planned well at all for any sort of financial security. The what for attitude creeps into everyday events and becomes part of a lifestyles. I think I've seen that most in those that don't talk, read or listen to anything concerning AIDS. It's definitely a mind fuck, and getting into a support group early on I feel is a must.

[PaulQ]

Being born is a death sentence. Think about it. Everybody who has been born will die. While you worry about whether or not HIV is a death sentence, someone somewhere just got killed in a car accident. When you wake up in the morning, you take a great risk just getting out of bed to face the world.

 

Consider when we (in Ontario) had a SARS outbreak; people who didn't have HIV died from SARS. Then there's the bird flu. High blood pressure continues to kill a great many people. There are so many ways you or anyone could die, and it could happen at any moment while you're alive; because being alive means you will one day die. So, my advice is, stop worrying about how you or someone might die, because it's inevitable that everybody will die someday. What you need to worry about is spend the time together with those you care about now and tell them what you want to say while you still have the chance. It's not how we die that matters, but how we live our lives; no matter how short we think it may be.

[LosingMyReligion]

Being born is a death sentence. Think about it. Everybody who has been born will die. While you worry about whether or not HIV is a death sentence, someone somewhere just got killed in a car accident. When you wake up in the morning, you take a great risk just getting out of bed to face the world.

 

Consider when we (in Ontario) had a SARS outbreak; people who didn't have HIV died from SARS. Then there's the bird flu. High blood pressure continues to kill a great many people. There are so many ways you or anyone could die, and it could happen at any moment while you're alive; because being alive means you will one day die. So, my advice is, stop worrying about how you or someone might die, because it's inevitable that everybody will die someday. What you need to worry about is spend the time together with those you care about now and tell them what you want to say while you still have the chance. It's not how we die that matters, but how we live our lives; no matter how short we think it may be.

 

In total agreement. However, it is the societal pressures that many people infected with HIV face. True, there are 101 ways to die. But with HIV it is different. Not only are you a victim of the virus you're also further persecuted by society. It is easier to tell someone you have cancer, lupus, or some other disease. But the moment an HIV positive person reveals their status he or she is judged. "Well, you obviously did something to deserve it," is what many people will say. Or it is automatically assumed that the person in question was either: oversexed, a drug addict, or homosexual...Society at large morally castigates an individual for simply being human. True, drug addiction and promiscuity are not healthy practices...But NO ONE deserves to die for it. Years ago, when the epidemic first hit America, the Reagan administration let thousands of people die. Because, back then, the thought was that whoever got AIDS deserved to have it. While not as pervasive that mindset is still a staple of many in society.

One of my friends died of AIDS four years ago. But instead of saying he had AIDS in the obituary it read that he died of pneumonia...which was technically true, but it was an AIDS related oppurtunistic infection.

[KenneyVTX]

Being born is the leading cause of death in the same way that marriage is the leading cause of divorce. In both cases most people aren't focused on the latter. Unless you've lived a very charmed life, you will have experienced the "this is it, I'm going to die" feeling. This is what is hard to swallow about HIV, having your own mortality confirmed in plain text. You still don't know when or how, but you have that confirmation. Unless you're a depressed person, I my self have lived with depression most of my life, you don't tend to spend much energy pondering your own demise. Testing positive brings that question front and center. That undeniable confirmation that you are mortal and there's nothing you can do about it.

So far my personal funeral count is three. Three people that have passed from this world due to this disease. I am friends with three others that are currently living with HIV and managing it with drugs. Sure, society wants to know "how did they get it" so they can pass their little jugments and feel superior. That is what I find the most repugnant. Yes, I can estimate the hows and whys of my friends becoming infected but it's not important. They are my friends and no virus can change that. I just wish the species at large would learn that lesson.

How does all this relate to the topic? Death sentence, no. A yield sign, yes.