Thoughts And Feelings On Sharing Religious (non-) Belief

[Carolyn the Red]

Does anyone find it hard to know who to tell that you're not christian, or how to let people know they've assumed the wrong thing about your beliefs? I think that knowing what to say or not say about my being an atheist, and to whom, is the hardest thing I've had to work out as a non-believer. I really wonder if anyone else here fights with this, and how they manage to balance it...

 

I tend not to generally say that I am an atheist. People assume I'm something else, usually some form of christian. People assume a lot of things about me, somehow I give off a conservative vibe, though I'm certainly not. Occasionally I'm presented with a bible to swear on (to transfer a car's title, of all things), or I'm confronted by people who couch offensive ideas in biblical rationales. That's not too hard to handle, as I don't care about causing offense. It's when someone I need or want to speak with assumes that a god or christian doctrine is a good basis for an argument, or when a friend has a wedding where things I find offensive are said, that I don't know how to handle it.

 

My husband is a generally blunt person, and will say straight out that he thinks that a religion or religious idea is ridiculous. I try to be diplomatic, and I feel like it isn't socially acceptable to say that a religious belief offends me. A lot of "family values" beliefs and god-based morality...these things are offensive to me, and I don't know how to say that without inviting others to fight with me.

 

If I manage to say, "I'm an atheist", or "We're an atheist family", it tends to be taken as an invitation to discuss things. It isn't. I just don't want people to assume I agree with them.

 

I don't know quite what I'm asking, but does anyone else find this hard? How do you present your disbelief in a way that isn't taken as a challenge or an invitation?

[Purple]

question; Why do you care if they assume wrong about you?

[chefranden]

I just don't want people to assume I agree with them.

 

People will always assume you agree with them unless they think you are an enemy. Then they will assume you disagree with them.

 

I'm from Wisconsin and people always assume I'm a Packer fan. I wouldn't trade a 1/2 pound of pig poop for the whole NFL.

 

There is no hard and fast rule for this. There are no commandments for being an atheist, no equivalent for WWJD. You have to play it by ear and decide what's best when ever this comes up.

 

I like to argue so I'll point out my disbelief if there is time to argue and that fella isn't carrying a gun.

[Carolyn the Red]

question; Why do you care if they assume wrong about you?

 

Good question. That's probably part of what I'm working out in my head.

 

I want to be a bit of data that makes it clear that not everyone "reasonable" thinks like they do (same way I want to make it clear that I don't believe all arabs are born terrorists, or any racist or sexist belief), that an atheist might be someone ordinary.

 

I also want anyone who might also be bothered by some of these things, or be an atheist not comfortable being open about it, to know that they're not alone, that I am not a socially conservative christian who thinks they're going to hell. It's been strange a few times, finding out that a friend has not mentioned being atheist because they assumed I would find it a negative thing.

[Eric_PK]

First of all, I also find this troubling. I have several co-workers that I'm friends with who are very religious (one is a Mormon who has 6 kids...), and they sometimes talk about religion. They know - and perhaps suspect - what I think, but I don't talk about it, basically because I think there is a right time to talk about those things, and it's rarely with people you have to work with.

 

But it is a problem. I tend to approach by commenting on what people say rather than on the basis for what they say. There are usually questions that you ask that can get your point across - merely asking what they mean by "family values", and how those relate to helping out families can be useful.

 

But when it comes down to it, many religious people are uninformed, intolerant, and rude.

[Eponymic]

I generally don't bring it up unless asked directly or if there's special extenuating circumstances. That way they can't accuse me of bringing the whole thing up and debating it just because they're Christians and I'm not. I never broach the subject first because, if they don't, then they're even less willing to listen to my point of view.

[The Sage Nabooru]

I went through that period in which I felt like I had to show off my beliefs to everyone, both in my Christian time and afterwards.

 

If I met somebody, they got my testimony waved in front of their faces right off the bat. I felt compelled to wear little religious jewelry pieces to let everybody know what I felt, and desperately hoped that somebody would notice them and point them out publicly. I wanted others to see my markings and think about how spiritually intelligent I must be.

 

Then I thought, why is this important to me? Why do I have to act like I need to have the attention of others in order for my beliefs to be legitimate? Why do I feel this need to confront others all the time? Is it because I'm genuinely content in my beliefs or because I seek some kind of legitimization from others, either in the form of their attention, their interest, or their disapproval? Is this my newfound philosophy or a mentally troubled ego talking?

 

I realized that I'm not making the world any better by starting arguments to prove myself, or by acting like some holier-than-thou dipshit who's so fucking enlightened because I know The Truth of It All. I'm actually making it worse if I do that. I couldn't force anybody to bow down and kiss my feet when I made them know how smart I was, because even trying it would only show how stupid I really am.

 

If someone asks, I tell. I spread the Gospel, so to speak, by living by example - not by acting like I deserve a group of ass-kissing disciples eager to learn my deepest knowledge or like my genius is self-proving and anybody who doesn't agree with me doesn't deserve common respect, but by being truly compassionate and personally spiritual. I don't become a saint by stating my prayers in public. I become one by being quietly godly.

[Amethyst]

I don't tell anyone. I figure, why should I have to tell everybody just because Christians feel the need to? That is how their meme survives. It it really none of their business what I believe, and I'm not going to give them a reason to hate me by saying I'm a non-believer. If they ask me, sure I'll say I'm not religious. But I'm not going to advertise it.

 

Non-belief survives by virtue of logic and reason. We don't have to tell everyone because the smart ones eventually figure it out.

[Lycorth]

I tend to be open about what I believe, and don't have any bones telling people about it. Unless I can see a particular situation would warrant being quiet about it, I don't believe in hiding what I am.

 

I'm an Atheist, not a pedophile.

[R. S. Martin]

Carolyn, good to see you! I've been thinking of you recently. You were one of the first people to welcome me here. I have never felt a need to talk about my beliefs, christian or otherwise. Maybe that is because I don't have any . Someone on here described belief as something we don't know but hold to without rational logic. And I don't think I do that.

 

All the same, I don't feel a need to advertize it. It's a survival strategy, mainly. The other day I was in a conversation with a few other middle-aged female students. The one woman very obviously is a Christian but fairly liberal because she does NOT believe in discriminating against gays. Said she was raised strict patriarchal Baptist. She shared some insights from a friend of hers who, she confessed with many safe-guards, is atheist. She stressed how moral he is in spite of being an atheist. Somehow, I did not feel at all inclined to enlighten her. Why throw a rock into a situation that is coming along just fine? That bit of info was just one detail in a larger story and I did not want to derail it. In other words, why disturb the peace? On the other hand, if you want to educate people at the risk of allienating them, then I guess you have to talk about it. I guess I'm a lot like Sage Nabooru.

 

Chefranden said:

 

I like to argue so I'll point out my disbelief if there is time to argue and that fella isn't carrying a gun.

 

I enjoy a good debate but I don't like getting people mad at me. Too many times the people I meet cannot differentiate between ideas and the person presenting them. It's as though: If you talk about it you must believe it.

 

But, like someone mentioned on this thread, I will sometimes ask a question to challenge a sweeping Christian statement. Most often people either get mad at me for it or say something like, "That's a new thought. I'll have to think about it." Either way, they are defending themselves against the onslaught of unbelief.

[R. S. Martin]

I tend not to generally say that I am an atheist. People assume I'm...some form of christian.

 

Glad you said that. I see you're from Toronto. I'm in KW and I am a lot like you. It's simpy not safe to state unbelief. Canada is supposed to be so much more liberal and less religious, but we have our intensely religious pockets. I think Southern Ontario is one of these pockets. I have often wondered how this part of the world compares with the American Bible Belt and your post confirms my opinion that the differences are not all that great. I think there is a difference in the flavour, so to speak. It's religious intensity without Americanism, if that makes sense.