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I Hate Having My Intelligence Insulted


The Sage Nabooru
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My parents, while I do love one (but not the other), are easy candidates for Stupidest People I Know. Their stupidity transcends mere inability to cope with academic issues but rather a sort of pressing ignorance and astonishing incapability of learning from past mistakes. They lack comprehension, compassion, depth, or logical thinking. Living with them is a chore in itself.

 

Now I give a good 50% of my income (or more) to animal charities. It's something that means a lot to me, and something my materialistic and money-grubbing parents cannot fathom to understand. Give.....away......money? Jeez, why don't you just give away your life's blood! Don't you know that the only place money belongs is in your own (and our) hands?! They cannot grasp the idea that giving away to causes important to myself could bring satisfaction and a greater good, because to them "good" does not exist outside of material possessions and grabbing any dollar that flies by for themselves. That this particular philosophy has failed to bring them the slightest taste of happiness for themselves or meaning to their pitiful selfish lives is something that they seem not to notice. Their life formula stresses that if money hasn't made you content yet, you only need to get a little more for it to do so. Even if you have to sponge off your own kids and society.

 

Tonight I was yelled at by my father (the very incarnation of evil power within our universe) for my charitable gift-giving. He remains convinced that the animal-rights organizations I give to (the Humane Society, PETA [for their anti-fur campaigns], ASPCA, WSPA) are all scams, and tried to convince me that they were up to absolutely no good because I was not receiving any direct material gain from giving to them. He always regards charities as "scams" because they take money, simple as that. Some other "scams" include: Goodwill, UNICEF, St. Jude's, etc. None of them are worth giving to because that's just giving your hard-earned money away.

 

Then he made up a story about how above animal rights orgs sell my name and phone number on purpose to scam artists, and that a scam artist called and asked for me by name. I know this did not happen. He claimed it happened ten times in a row, yet I can't find any unfamiliar phone numbers on the caller ID. He simply believes that 1) I'll buy into his tirade about "scams" and 2) that I'll so totally believe some random guy called to get money out of me after claiming to be "an animal rights organization" (without giving a name of said organization; if I were a crook I would at least try to make up a legit-sounding title). Plus I'm irritated by the fact that he does think I'm so stupid as to write off checks to anybody that sends me a letter, calls, or sends an email. Of course I'm stupid just to begin with to just give my money away like it grows on trees, but I'm very, very careful about where it goes, researching, confirming, etc. I was given a lecture about how I'm "not as smart as" I "think" I am, and how it's obvious I could be so easily duped into writing a check to a guy in California who claims to be a dog.

 

Egh. Sorry if I sound oversensitive. It just so bothers me how they consider me "stupid" for helping others out and that I'm a dumbass for being a good person. What a great way to raise kids: When they try to help others, act like they're doing something wrong.

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Can I ever see why you're upset, Nabooru the Sage. That's not a typo. I'm not sure what Nabooru stands for but sage is (for me, at least) a very wise person. And I think you are very wise. I didn't know anybody gave away half their income but I think anybody who does so is very kind and unselfish.

 

According to how human nature tends to work, many people probably see this as a very noble way to live but they simply will not and won't give away THAT much money! Rather than accept themselves--and others--for being who they are they attack people they perceive as being better than they.

 

I think your parents know instinctively that you are doing a very noble deed of which they themselves are totally incapable. But they can't admit even to themselves that it is noble so they have to tell themselves--and of course YOU--that you are scum.

 

But for you having to live with that kind of attitude--I know what it's like and I wouldn't wish it on anybody, least of all a person who follows such strong personal convictions. The least I can say is that you have good reason to feel as you do.

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COMMENT ON: Why not just give away your life blood.

 

Some people do donate blood. But the reason one does not give away half of one's life blood is that it would be the end of one's existence. We don't need more than so much money to survive on this planet. Giving the surpluss to where it's needed is possible. And noble.

 

Your parents would probably just get mad if you explained it that way but I thought it might help you feel stronger about your choices....not sure if you need it but it can't hurt.

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My parents sound a lot like yours. They are willing to give to Christian charities, but not others. At least, they do volunteer their time sometimes, but it tends to be at Christian charities. My stepmother cannot fathom why I donate to secular charities and not Christian ones, like the Salvation army. She doesn't think that discrimination is such a bad thing, apparently. Or somehow that "the ends justify the means." But there are a lot of secular charities that help poor people without discriminating against non-Christians and homosexuals. I won't knowingly support the kind of intolerance that Salvation Army practices with my hard earned money.

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Well, IMO, donating to PETA is a waste of money, since msot of that money goes to funding things that could best be described as domestic terrorism at worst (they've paid people to commit arson, among other things...) and shallow stupidity at best. For the most part, it doesn't go to actually helping anything, much less animals, and there are much better organizations to donate money to if you're interested in supporting the anti-fur movement. I, myself, would just take my money that I was giving to PETA, and split it between the ASPCA and the Humane Society...

 

But, notice... where I said my money.

 

The money is yours, and you're free to spend it however you choose. If your parents don't like it, tough. They don't help you earn it, so they get no say, and they need to be told so, and told to cram their vapid self-absorbed opinions, in no uncertain terms.

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Well, IMO, donating to PETA is a waste of money, since msot of that money goes to funding things that could best be described as domestic terrorism at worst (they've paid people to commit arson, among other things...) and shallow stupidity at best. For the most part, it doesn't go to actually helping anything, much less animals, and there are much better organizations to donate money to if you're interested in supporting the anti-fur movement. I, myself, would just take my money that I was giving to PETA, and split it between the ASPCA and the Humane Society...

 

I was thinking the same thing. I am very skeptical of PETA and how they run things. They sure do make a lot of money....meanwhile they kill as many animals as those they claim to be trying to stop.

 

I am more likely to go offer my time as a volunteer at the local humane society than to give a dime to PETA(your time can be just as important as donated money). Your impact does not need to be nation-wide or global. There are thousands of animals in your area with no home and are basically on death row. Everytime I go to the local humane society I get the urge to load up all the pets in a truck and drive from neighborhood to neighborhood advertising them, lol.

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That sucks, Sage. My heart goes out to you. The last thing anyone needs is such trouble right at home, where one should always be at peace. But I know the feeling - I come from a family where money is a big deal and most people make a big deal out of money.

 

My parents aren't quite so harsh as yours, but would not be too pleased with me donating money. Granted, I don't have any to donate right now, but in theory their reaction would be the same as your folks' - giving away hard-earned money is lunacy, even if good will result from it.

 

When I moved back home for a bit, it was nice to be near the family again, but they demanded money from me all the time. Even when I could only afford to give about $50 a week, sometimes it wasn't good enough. I made mistakes and am paying my way out of about ten grand in debt, but still, they didn't need my money before I moved back in with them and even now they are hardly hurting without it. They just wanted it - and the expenses I incurred each month barely cost a fraction of that, since I'm not the sort to require lots of pricey things.

 

My folks are a little nicer with some charities, and have given before. But the overall attitude of making money a second god of sorts is prevalent in my family, especially with other members of it. My grandmother could be an absolute fanatic about the almighty dollar, and so could some of my uncles and other relatives. And they always tried to hammer it into me, to make me as paranoid and obsessed about money as they are.

 

And later in life, some of that evidently stuck, as money problems are an easy trigger for my depression. Nothing can bring on a bad bout of it, up to contemplating suicide, like having a big money crunch. Shit like that isn't natural - it's taught.

 

Hopefully, I can avoid bringing my kids up like that, someday.

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