Amethyst Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Ugh. I did not realize just how much of a number fundy Christianity did on my head until recently. I feel guilty for things that I should not be feeling guilty about. Like today, I felt guilty about not being able to come into work. Why? It's not my fault it snowed. My boss gave me permission to work from home. I tried digging my car out. I couldn't. Why should I have to feel guilty about that? My life is worth more than a few hours of pay, so if I wasn't being paid, it wouldn't be a big deal. And I will get credited for working at home. So why the hell do I still feel guilty? It is amazing how nearly two decades of fundy brainwashing can ingrain certain ways of thinking into a person. I know intellectually that there is no tyrannical deity who will torture me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever for not being able to make it to work. But that sort of guilt-trip thinking has stuck with me for years, and even though I am trying my hardest to break out of it, I still find myself falling into the guilt trip trap. Old habits are the hardest to break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-COG Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 That happens to me, too. It's like I feel over responsible for what ever happens, what I can't do, etc. If things don't turn out like they "should", I catch myself feeling guilty. I've started questioning all of these "shoulds", as I recognize them to be what I think family or society (and at one time, God) would say I "should" do. You have to work out for yourself what is or is not possible, and accept that decision, even if others don't. You said your boss gave you permission to work from home, yet you still feel guilty. Is it from past training that you need to "give your all"? Or maybe it's that Protestant Work Ethic that our culture is cursed with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 That happens to me, too. It's like I feel over responsible for what ever happens, what I can't do, etc. If things don't turn out like they "should", I catch myself feeling guilty. I've started questioning all of these "shoulds", as I recognize them to be what I think family or society (and at one time, God) would say I "should" do. You have to work out for yourself what is or is not possible, and accept that decision, even if others don't. You said your boss gave you permission to work from home, yet you still feel guilty. Is it from past training that you need to "give your all"? Or maybe it's that Protestant Work Ethic that our culture is cursed with. It's probably a number of things: church, my mother's guilt trips, and culture. I'm from Minnesota, and we Minnesotans tend to have a strong work ethic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Oh! Doesn't that drive you crazy?! Yes, I relate, guilt absolutely plagues me. I've got to learn how to get rid of some of it. It's almost as if I assume I'm guilty before I'm guilty and so then I do something that makes me guilty. I figure it has to do with the Christian upbringing. One thing I remember alot about my childhood though is that my mom (a great mother) was very untrusting. I was an extremely compliant child, that basically cried if she even looked at me wrong. But, she always assumed I was "hiding" something. So, I think I started to assume I WAS "hiding" something, though I was never sure what it was....Like I was guilty just because I was present. Even in relationships, I've usually picked people that didn't accept me. As if, anyone that accepted me was an idiot, so I had to go find the "smart ones" that didn't approve of me....There must be a book on this subject somewhere. Toxic Parents I highly recommend it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Ugh. I did not realize just how much of a number fundy Christianity did on my head until recently. I feel guilty for things that I should not be It is amazing how nearly two decades of fundy brainwashing can ingrain certain ways of thinking into a person. I know intellectually that there is no tyrannical deity who will torture me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever for not being able to make it to work. But that sort of guilt-trip thinking has stuck with me for years, and even though I am trying my hardest to break out of it, I still find myself falling into the guilt trip trap. Old habits are the hardest to break. Try being an ex catholic! The whole fuckin religion exists to instill guilt and lowself esteem so fuckin god and the church could save you! Just tell yourself "fuck it" when a prayer moment or guilt wave approaches you. iT WORKS FOR ME AND SEEMS NORMAL. bEST wISHES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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