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Why I Don't Want To Go To Heaven


Poonis
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I think I have finally pin-pointed specifically why I do not want to go to heaven.

 

The justice of tyrants consists one person as Judge, Jury, and Executioner with no redress of grievances.

 

I do not want to exist where I cannot be tried by a jury of my peers, as such existance is in the land of oppression and indentured servitude. If the christian god does not allow for trial by a jury of my peers, I do not want to go to heaven.

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I think I have finally pin-pointed specifically why I do not want to go to heaven.

 

The justice of tyrants consists one person as Judge, Jury, and Executioner with no redress of grievances.

 

I do not want to exist where I cannot be tried by a jury of my peers, as such existance is in the land of oppression and indentured servitude. If the christian god does not allow for trial by a jury of my peers, I do not want to go to heaven.

 

I can think of many reasons I don't want to go there. According to the Bible, there is no food there, because you never hunger. There is nothing to drink because you never thirst. And there is no sex in Heaven. You get to spend eternity singing hymns to a cruel and vengeful god. No thanks. Hell couldn't be any worse.

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Don't forget casting all your crowns (rewards for doing good shit) at Jesus' feet. It's supposedly such a hard and narrow road, the christian one, yet we're supposed to give up all our rewards for doing so to a god who needs to be appeased for some reason.

 

Not to mention the fact that I really hate city living, and yet we're supposed to live in some big-ass mofo city. So will there be people there with big-ass mofo bottom-bass subwoofers, making my windows rattle and my ears ring by blaring christian rap and hip-hop? Ugh!

 

Oh, and don't forget the streets of gold... And ivory palaces... No thanks. I don't like the thought of killing elephants for their tusks, and I'm not one of those impressed by lots of gold. In fact, I think a city with streets of gold would look rather gaudy. Nope, no thanks. Give me a quiet little camp in the mountains any day. But supposedly there won't be any mountains in heaven. Or animals. WTF?

 

Heaven has nothing I love or even like. City living, no mountains or fresh air, or even a dog or cat to nuzzle you. Heck, it seems you won't even be able to stop and smell the flowers in heaven. And last but not least, heaven will be filled with christians. Again, NO THANKS!

 

Two tickets to Hades, please.

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I agree: The traditional heaven is not very attractive.

 

I don't want to be an angel. I don't want to float on a cloud all day. I don't want to sing hymns. (I don't even like hymns while I'm alive, why would I want to sing them all day?) I don't want a harp.

 

But I love the idea of living on a regenerated earth where there are no hospitals or prisons or cemeteries. I love the idea of exploring the universe, time-traveling (hopefully) to really, really see what happened, for example, that summer of 1787 in Philadelphia or with the Buddhi under the Bodhi tree.

 

We'll find out when we die. (Or, say some, we won't.)

 

-CC

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Heaven cant be that great or Satan and a 1/3 of the angels would not have rebelled. Beings don't rebell when they are content.

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Heaven cant be that great or Satan and a 1/3 of the angels would not have rebelled. Beings don't rebell when they are content.

 

That's right, but not all discontent is justified.

 

-CC

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I don't want to go to heaven for several reasons.

 

1.) I couldn't imagine spending eternity with Christians from the TBN station. Joel Osteen? TD Jakes? John Hagee? Paul and Jan Crotch? Rod Parsely? Kirk Cameron? Creflo and Taffi Dollar?! Paula White? The horror of the bloody horror! I'd rather undergo a root canal sans the laughing gas.

 

2.) They say there will be no sex in heaven because we will have surpassed carnal desires. Uhm, no can do. Heaven for me would consist of beautiful naked men who willingly ravish my body anytime I want them too. Basically, my heaven would be an eternal orgy without threat of infectious disease. So that biblical one doesn't suit me...

 

3.) The hymns are another thing. I hated singing them in church and couldn't imagine doing so for a tyranical dickhead for eons...Plus, I'd get tired of telling God how awesome he is for centuries; and I imagine he would get plenty sick of it too.

 

My fantasy of heaven would be living in a luxurious castle with all the latest futuristic(star wars quality) technological advances, but it would still look like something from Rivendell. My luxurious home would be amidst a meadow of beautiful flowers, plants, animals(primarily cats), and streams. And, just for fun, there would be a really cool city a few blocks away. Anyway, as I mentioned above, there would be beautiful buff men who live their lives nude and willing to submit to my every carnal pleasure. Oh, and I will also be able to fly. And I would love to be to gorge on all types of unhealthy food and never gain a single ounce. Infact, it would be quite the opposite. The more I ate the better looking and healthier I would become.

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I don't want to go to heaven for several reasons.

 

1.) I couldn't imagine spending eternity with Christians from the TBN station. Joel Osteen? TD Jakes? John Hagee? Paul and Jan Crotch? Rod Parsely? Kirk Cameron? Creflo and Taffi Dollar?! Paula White? The horror of the bloody horror! I'd rather undergo a root canal sans the laughing gas.

 

...

 

There's plenty of room in the universe to avoid these you mention. I guess if I had to pick one of the above to spend time with it would be Joel Osteen. I'm not inspired by his preaching as so many seem to be, but I think he's probably a rather likeable fellow. (But I think he smiles way too much!)

 

-CC

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Don't forget casting all your crowns (rewards for doing good shit) at Jesus' feet. It's supposedly such a hard and narrow road, the christian one, yet we're supposed to give up all our rewards for doing so to a god who needs to be appeased for some reason.

 

Not to mention the fact that I really hate city living, and yet we're supposed to live in some big-ass mofo city. So will there be people there with big-ass mofo bottom-bass subwoofers, making my windows rattle and my ears ring by blaring christian rap and hip-hop? Ugh!

 

Oh, and don't forget the streets of gold... And ivory palaces... No thanks. I don't like the thought of killing elephants for their tusks, and I'm not one of those impressed by lots of gold. In fact, I think a city with streets of gold would look rather gaudy. Nope, no thanks. Give me a quiet little camp in the mountains any day. But supposedly there won't be any mountains in heaven. Or animals. WTF?

 

Heaven has nothing I love or even like. City living, no mountains or fresh air, or even a dog or cat to nuzzle you. Heck, it seems you won't even be able to stop and smell the flowers in heaven. And last but not least, heaven will be filled with christians. Again, NO THANKS!

 

Two tickets to Hades, please.

 

 

Fookin' A. Well-said :goodjob:

 

And, like Poonis mentioned, why would I want to be with a tyrant? Life under a tyranny is hell; you also have to praise and honor that tyrant all the time, without reservation. In the Xian heaven, we'd probably be compelled through mind-control to do this. Or at least forced to.

 

Either way, I want no part of the Xian heaven. If I can make my own afterlife, then you'll find me in Asgard. Fuck Heaven.

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