R. S. Martin Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I know that's an unusual thing for me to say. However, I had a really pleasant chat with two family members today--my most-hated sister and my father. When I was talking to Dad I decided religion is not all bad. Well, maybe it is. However, for the time being he is drawing on his faith and getting consolation from devotional literature and Bible stories about God helping his people. He had a visitor today--another widower close to his age. I guess there's not too many widowers his age because many people live longer these days than their mid-70s. The other man lost his wife to cancer. I cringe at his advice to Dad and that is why I say religion may be all bad in spite of how it is helping Dad hold up at the moment. This other man, probably drawing on his own experience, told Dad that when people stop praying things will get worse. I just wanted to hold Dad and protect him from that happening. I wanted to explain that this is a psychological thing and not religious. I wanted to explain about the cycles of grief but I don't even know them myself. I didn't know how to do any of this without knocking out the one support that is holding him up for the time being. Hey, I have an idea. He and I share quite a few interests, almost everything from bird-watching to theology to gardening. Possibly he will appreciate occasional phone calls and/or letters. I've heard that vacuuming is therapeutic. Perhaps there is something to that. I haven't cleaned in a long time so I started cleaning. Then I saw my telephone answering machine blinking. It was from my "most-hated" sister announcing a family event and asking which day would suit me best. Line was busy so I finished cleaning and tried again. And we chatted for over an hour. Before the funeral I was asking what Mom's absense would do to family dynamics. At this point it looks very promising. At this point it seems that following my intuition and standing my ground for my spot at the table bull-dozed some kind of barrier out of the way and opened up clogged arteries so that feelings are free to flow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 That's amazing! I hope all continues to go (relatively) well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You get my Ruby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 Thanks! I think at this stage we are still experimenting. I feel like a lot might depend on how I play my cars but maybe I'm not that important. I really have no idea. Had a major, major disagreement with a sister today. I posted that account here. I talked with a good friend and we decided I might want to have minimum relationship with her if the others prove willing to include me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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