Mikefight Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 For those who don’t know my story. I am an atheist as of 6 months ago. My wife and kids are still Christian and still go to church. I was a Christian for 30 years. Things have been tough at home. My wife and I do not feel close. We can't talk about the things that are important to us. We argue about the news now, especially if it has anything to do with religion. Here is my test: I have been attending a meeting of Atheist in Jacksonville for 3 months now. It has been great. The people are nice and it is nice to talk to others that have the same views as you. We hope to do some great things in the name of atheism to help lose the negative stereotype. Like the hugs from atheist in Gainesville, FL. Last meeting I met a new female member that had a lot in common with me. Her husband is not atheist. We started talking, a lot. First emails, then text message, then IM's, to long phone conversations. We have been getting to know each other really well. Then she admitted to me that she wanted to be more than friends. I said I wanted to also. We met for lunch one day. We hugged before lunch, and then hugged after lunch. I have been thinking so hard about this. Everyone at the church my wife goes to is telling her I am going to cheat on her. That night I told this new woman that I could not do it anymore. I just wanted to be friends. I was held to my convictions that my actions would affect my entire family, wife, kids, in-laws, and even my friends. Funny as a Christian I would have probably gone through with it, with the thought that afterwards I could just ask for forgiveness. As an atheist I know that I alone am responsible for my actions. I know that my wife and I are going through a hard time right now. If we don't make it, I don't want it to be because I screwed it up. I want to be a good husband and father. I am glad I stopped at a hug. Did I do the right thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Of course you did. Betraying one's spouse is a horrible thing, and you shone all the brighter for being an "evil" Atheist and still holding to your convictions. If your wife was ok with it, that would be a different story. Ditto for her husband. But, you did the right thing, especially under pressure, and can even throw that back in the faces of your wife's church-slave friends. Very good, Daniel-san But no, God isn't testing you - if he wanted you to know something, he'd just come out with it, like any half-intelligent human being. That is, if God existed. No being who is all-loving would play games and "test" people, especially if something important is at stake - especially if he is all-powerful enough to do better than "test" and all-knowing enough to know what to do instead. It's easy to worry whether or not God is fucking with you, but that's a temporary thing, a residual bit of programming. It'll pass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikefight Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 It's easy to worry whether or not God is fucking with you, but that's a temporary thing, a residual bit of programming. It'll pass I was being sarcastic about the God testing. I know that is what my wife would say. It was a test of will power though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Did I do the right thing? Yes, you did. Now you see how Atheists morals work. We care about other people and how our actions would effect them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Absolutely you did the right thing. Sometimes I think it's to easy to get wrapped up in a dream, especially when things are extremely trying at home. Regardless of the road your marriage is going to take, it's best to focus on fixing the tiny rips instead of fulfilling the Xtin proclaimed 'prophecy that Church and company has seemed to lay on your shoulders. I think they drive non-Christian spouses out the door, That's what I feel it happened to my parents. The Church/god took precedence over Family and marriage. Butting their self-righteous noses into private life's and trying to convince the Christian that the spouse either needs desperate salvation or their evil ideologies are dangerous to the children. I think it speaks highly of your character that you put the needs of your family ahead of a desire. You're strong having to deal with Fundys and sticking to it. It's extremely hard battling them as most things take place on a spiritual plain. Good luck Mike! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 The Church/god took precedence over Family and marriage. Yeah, tell me about it. I used to hear all the time about how we should love God more than our spouse, and would listen to married couples happily spout this drivel. Even as a Xian, that irked me - deep down, it's hard to fully assimilate all the insane points of Xian cult mentality, unless one becomes insane to begin with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xrayman7040 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Mike, What a man of integrity you are as an atheist. One thing a wise man once told me was this: "A STIFF DICK HAS NO CONCIENCE." It was certianly a good thing that you didn't wind up in a compromising postition, because as Chris Rock said, "No man can resist pussy when it is dropped in his lap" He was refering to Bill Clinton and the reason he fucked around with Monica. It is so nice that you didn't give the Christians any ammo. You must try to work your marraige out for sure. I am just toally baffed by the concept of putting an invisible unvarifable being ahead of one's family. I am so lucky that my God believing wife couldn't give a shit less that I am now an atheist, so long as she is still the head of the household. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikefight Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 "A STIFF DICK HAS NO CONCIENCE." Wow I guess I should add, this new chick was HOT. I mean smoking hot. That made this even harder. (pun intended) My wife has let her looks go. I still workout and stay in shape. I still have the thought in the back of my mind that my wife and I are not going to make it anyway so I might as well just do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 I agree, I think you did the right thing. No matter what at this given time she's still your wife and you've done right by her. Kudos for being a loyal husband, even if it may be difficult right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 You certainly did the right thing! Kudos to you. That took a lot of strength and integrity. I don't know if I would do the same thing in your shoes, and I'm a girl. Now, the next step to not regretting your decision is to work things out with your wife... it sounds like you're in a really tough situation, but maybe something showing you care about the relationship will soften her heart a little. One issue at a time, starting with the small ones. Good luck... we're here for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 You're a heluva fine man in my book, Mikefight. Stand by your lady and all that meant to you at the start, man, and hopefully the challenges to that relationship can be worked out. Love, respect, and honor are powerful tools. May they work for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Mikefight, I agree with all who've posted here that you did the right thing. Consider, though, that you're someone who's on a new dynamic adventure in terms of your recent atheism, while your wife is likely even more fearful and anxious than her religion would normally make her. It's no wonder, then, that you work out and notice hot chicks, but she has let her looks go. Sometimes it's easy to begin to perceive these differences between husband and wife as the significant ones on which to base one's actions, instead of seeing the differences as superficial indicators of new-found internal confidence vs. deep-rooted internal insecurity. Best of luck with your very worthwhile intentions in your marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuaiDan Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I don't know. If I were married and had such a profound difference with my wife as the belief of the very nature of the universe, I'd get a divorce, assuming no children involved. I can admire your family values, but unless she changes her beliefs or you change yours (please don't), it seems like you have a very tough life ahead of you to look forward to. This coming from someone who's 37 and not married yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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