The "war To End All Wars"

[R. S. Martin]

I think/hope I have written a letter for my jesus sister that will effectively end the family's religious discussion with me. She's not the only sister who has tried the conversion thing with me this past week. The other was a letter that I took at first to be an invitation for further discussion. But after giving it some more thought I started really seriously doubting it. I think the family needs to know that I did not change my religious position just because I attended mom's funeral. Here's what I wrote:

 

You accused me of cutting off communication and the possibility for reconciliation. The fact of the matter is that I will never change my beliefs to suit you or anyone else. If you have a problem with that, deal with it. Until you learn to mind your own business I want nothing to do with you. Truth is Truth. Whether or not you accept it will not change facts. You choose to believe something so you don’t have to face reality. I seek for Truth. I find Truth. I face reality. I have “sold all that I have in order to buy the field with the treasure.” I own that field and I own that treasure. If you think I am going to give it up for your crazy beliefs you’ve got another guess coming. I refuse to “choose” beliefs. Choosing beliefs is crazy! I choose to seek truth, to face reality, to stand up for what I know is true. If you don’t feel threatened by that, then quit pushing your psychotic beliefs on me. Quit trying to control what I think and believe. If you keep pushing your psychotic beliefs then I know you are feeling threatened and that your faith is nothing but empty husks. If you want to talk about your precious faith talk to people who want to hear it. Keep on deluding yourself if that is what you want. But stay out of my life and out of my business.

 

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I realize that is pretty strong but something had to give. I was feeling so depressed I could hardly live with it. This kid is seven years younger than me. I am a mature adult. Chronologically and biologically she is a mature adult too and she should know better than to treat me like an adolescent whose every move needs to be monitored--I am not suggesting that adolescents must be so closely controlled but some parents do try it anyway. I'm an adult and I won't put up with it anymore. Sometimes strong measures are required to break dysfunctional family cycles. She will likely share this letter with a whole batch of other family members. If their love for me changes because of what I say about this one person's faith, then I know their love was not real to begin with. And if their love for me depends on my religious position then I want nothing to do with it or them.

I can just imagine someone calling me up and trying to slip in some "kind and loving" advice just to get a conversation going. They will feel I need to be reprimanded. I hope to have the presence of mind to ask whether they will accept the same kind of treatment from me--whether I am allowed to call them up sometime to push my beliefs.

 

Mom's no longer here to use as a bribe. In the past I used to say if they don't leave me alone they just won't see me. That worked because Mom really seriously wanted a relationship with me. I am not sure that anybody who's still alive cares that much for a relationship.

 

I can just imagine my baby brother calling me up and "tactfully" asking me what I think consititutes Truth. I hope I won't fall for that kind of bait. If I give an answer, they will have more ammunition. If I don't answer it they will slap on some nasty label. Either way, there is no winning. I used to think they were out for discussion because I loved religious discussion. I just don't like when it's used against me. Forbidding me to eat with them at mom's funeral went so deep. It's not something that can ever be forgotten.

 

Maybe--just maybe--this letter is so strong that they won't want to talk with me. They won't like having their faith described as empty husks or psychotic. They will probably need a dictionary to find out what pscyhotic means. But they have dictionaries.

[Guest lori4443]

I’m sorry to hear how damaging your family’s beliefs have been. I find it astounding that they would not let you eat with them at your mom’s funeral. You are a very strong person to stand up to them like you did. I’m glad you shared this story because I have had problems with losing friends due to my non-belief and though I know my situation does not hold a candle to yours, I find comfort in knowing others have had the strength to stand up to bullshit and I’m not alone.

[R. S. Martin]

Hi Lori, I see you're new. Welcome to the forums. No you are not alone. Thanks for your support.