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Getting Out Of The Church School


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Hi again,

I've been pretty busy with college and work and stuff, but I'd like to give a little more info about how things have been going at church and church school (my kids). For those of you who have read in the past this might make more sense, but I don't know how to put in a link to some of my older threads for newcomers. Sorry.

Basically, I've been in the process of deconversion for a little over a year now, but my husband and children are still in the fundy Baptist church I used to call home. The boys are in christian day school, where they're doing well academically. Gradually I stopped going to every service and pulled out of ministries I was involved with.

Over the last few months the pastor (also the school principal) has gotten more and more controlling of my kids, until the latest thing was requiring them to sit up in the front two pews with the other 6 or 7 students during Wed. night services and taking notes to be handed in for Bible class grades for school. They are 8 and 9 and had never learned how to take notes, so I decided to sit up with them last week and offer moral support and some tips for notetaking. Before this I would usually try to go on Wed. night so I could sit with them near the back of the room. When the pastor was ready to start the sermon he handed out the notebooks and pencils for the notes, and told me I was not to help them with the notes and I should sit in the pew behind them. I stayed where I was and pointed out that they need some help since they have to learn how. He asked a 12 year old girl who is experienced in taking notes to sit by them and help.

It turns out that last Sunday the pastor talked to my husband after morning service and discussed a bunch with him, including that I was rude (what?) when I spoke up to him about the notes, etc. on Wed. night. My husband is so ready to leave, but we need to finish the school year. That's what we've decided is best. One of the things the pastor told him was that he probably won't be happy when we move further south (he wants to go back where he grew up and be closer to family) and I'll probably get a job and decide I don't need him anymore. That is so insulting to both of us. I already have a part-time job, but it's not enough to support anyone. The pastor's own daughter is married and works part-time at the church school and part-time somewhere else, so I don't get that.

I've decided that I'll still sit in the pew with the boys since they want me to be there for support and security. I don't relish the idea, but we're counting down the weeks until May 25. I don't want them going back to the church for anything after that. Right now we're under the agreement we made when we enrolled them for them to be faithfully attending, etc.

Well, that's about it for now.



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Wow, the prototypical, patriarchal Southern Baptist preacher in the flesh. Women need to know their place! Children will be obedient, respectful of their elders, and seen while not heard. This is MY house, not God's!


Believe it or not, I was a Southern Baptist and this is what drove me out of the church altogether. If you want to remain a Christian, I stand behind that. Freedom of religion should be as precious to the believers as to the non-believers. It could just be the preacher and not the Church, but when it comes to Southern or Fundementalist Baptists, they are, all of them, very similar. Perhaps you should think on another denomination if this one doesn't fit your bill?

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Sparkyone, thanks for the update. I was wondering how life was turning out for you. I remember the episode about your son's shoes and the principle-teacher not liking them. Yes, it will be a long two months till the end of May. I think you and your husband have the right to choose where you will live, go to church, and the school where you will enroll your kids. What and where you work is none of his business. Is that man accountable to anyone?

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I don't know how to put in a link to some of my older threads for newcomers.


Here's how you put in a link:


1. Highlight the word you want to make into a link. For example: Here is my old thread. Highlight the word "here."


2. See those pictures in the frame above the box where you type whatever you are posting? One is a bubble for quote. Those pictures are called icons. Take your cursor and point it at each icon. Your cursor is the arrow on the screen that is connected to/controlled by the mouse. Point your cursor on any one of those icons and a little text box will appear and tell you what the icon does. I'm not sure if my screen is the same as yours because I have it set for low vision. Find the icon with the text box that says "insert link." Click on it. A little box will come up. It will say: Please enter the full URL.


3. Open another window. (To do this, go to desktop and open Internet Explorer or Firefox or whatever you use.)


4. Find the old thread you want to link.


5. Copy the website address. That is the URL.


6. Paste that URL into the box where it says to enter URL.


7. Click Okay.


8. When you post it, the word becomes a link to your old thread. People can click on it and see what you are talking about.


I'm sure there are other ways, maybe quicker ways, but this is how I do it. I often have two windows open when I'm on exC because that way I can copy stuff into new posts.


I hope this helps. Feel free to ask if it's not clear.

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