Jump to content

Salvation Is Free!


Llwellyn
 Share

Recommended Posts

Fundie: "Hey guys! Salvation is a free gift. You can totally escape God's retribution, and it is absolutely FREE!!! Yay!"

 

:banghead::Doh::loser:

 

Do people who say this realize that people who give you HIV or Genital Warts give them as a Totally free! gift as well? Your priest didn't charge you a thing when he gave you a kiss on your penis and post-traumatic stress disorder! Aren't you grateful for this FREE gift? :Wendywhatever:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fundie: "Hey guys! Salvation is a free gift. You can totally escape God's retribution, and it is absolutely FREE!!! Yay!"

Other than the tautology here, if salvation really is a gift, why did Jesus have to die eh?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest TheTruthHurts

Yeah, god's got all the power there is but he can't forgive without killing something first!

 

And then, instead of making the most of his sacrifice, he turns it into a game of Let's Make a Deal, hides behind a door and waits to see who picks the right one!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Free gift. Yep, that's the pitch line.

 

Let's see...

 

After you accept this "free" gift you'll get roped into spending your TIME--up to ten hours or more per week depending on the flavor of cult through which you accept your free gift.

 

After you accept your "free" gift, you'll learn that god needs you to give your good church ten percent of your income, BEFORE taxes in some cult variations, and often you learn that that's just a minimum starting point and you'll give MORE if you really love him.

 

Next, you'll learn that since you've accepted your "free" gift, you'll have additional work in store as a marketing drone.

 

Moreover, you may pay for your "free" gift with some rather draconian restrictions on your actions. You won't be able to dance in some cult versions, and forget about sex. If you're married you can use missionary position to procreate.

 

And in exchange for your "free" gift you get to abandon any critical thought you may have otherwise enjoyed. Don't ask the wrong questions!

 

These days, in exchange for your "free" gift, you just may even get instructions from the pulpit on how to vote!

 

In some versions of the cult, and in some time periods, you get to pay for your "free" gift with your life. You may need to decline appropriate medical treatment to stay within god's will, or he may want you to risk your life trying to kill heathens.

 

Finally, basically as a cumulative result of all this, you get to pay for this "free" gift with your mental health, general well being, and that of your family.

 

Free gift, indeed!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like those Capital One commercials where the knight goes to redeem his prize for slaying the dragon, only to find there is so much more he has to do before he is even eligible for anything more than the booby prize.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not to mention, in some versions of the cult, completely giving up your free will and identity to the church and doing whatever they tell you to. :ugh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.