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Something Bad I Remembered


Wendybabe
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Back in 2000 a friend and I were traveling to a favorite vacation spot. On the way we stopped for a night at the home of her former pastor. (She had moved away about two year prior.) I remember how impressed I was with this family. They were incredible. They were all very beautiful, happy together people. They seemed to be such good communicators, they were all very much involved in their church (they were in charge of the music so they all performed together.) Well after being absolutely spoiled by these people (taken out to dinner, given a tour of their farm) I couldn't think anything bad about them in a million years. Yet a funny thing happened the morning we left. About the time when people were stirring out of bed I was in the kitchen talking with the mother. She was cooking breakfast. I decided to go back to my room. Our guest room was on the far side of the house. So I walk through the living room and start making my way down this hallway when I see the something funny? strange? O.K.? It is the pastor (a hulk of a man) laying down on top of his twelve year old daughter. (He had his clothes on she was in her pajamas) I remember she was just laying their looking very passive, helpless and he was on top of her with his face just a few inches from hers. Well of course I felt like I was out of place so I turned around and went back into the living room. I just stood there trying to make sence out of what I just saw. When all of a sudden he was right behind me. "What are you doing?' he asked. "Oh just looking out the window it so beautiful around here." He then said something like breakfast will be ready soon. Well you can guess what I did. Nothing. I didn't say anything I didn't do anything. I just blanked it out of my head until I remembered it last week.

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Wendy, I have a similar memory which keeps recurring through the years, and it bothers me so much. It was the sound of a child's whimpering coming from an apartment in my building, where, I knew, a little girl was often dropped off to be with, I assumed, an older male relative.

 

I didn't consciously take in the possible significance of what I heard -- that is, I drew no conclusions and took no action -- but obviously the event registered with me on a deeper level.

 

This was in 1982, in another city, and I don't know if the people or even the building could be tracked down now. I wish I'd done something then. I wish I'd clearly recognized what I might have been hearing. I only ever saw the back of the little girl as she was being delivered through the doorway, so what haunts me is a faceless child whom I let down.

 

I don't know what people like you and I are supposed to do about this late recovery of memory. I wish I knew.

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It's easier to pretend nothing happened. I find myself doing the same thing all over when I read your story. I don't want to live with the thought that something evil happened to a little child (our maybe I dont want to take any responsibility?) so I blank it out.

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Hearing these accounts makes me cry a little. But you really cannot let your imagination go wild with strange ideas -- you really do not _know_ what, if anything, was happening. It would be easy in your circumstances, with so few facts, to allow your imagination to spin out of control. If you guys feel genuine distress and distraction -- please schedule a 1 hour appointment with a trained psychologist and explain yourselves. It may also be helpful to speak with a police investigator to understand how they would deal with your reports.

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I also agree to at least speak to someone who knows how to deal with this a bit better than the rest of us. The mind is a very powerful thing, and you can't exactly blame it for blocking out horrible things quickly so as not to cause distress. Your mind was just trying to protect itself -- you.

 

Go to talk to a professional, and if they suggest speaking to the police 7 years later, do it. By now, if it was as grave as you are speculating, the 12 year old will be about 19- an adult, and maybe not feeling as oppressed by her family. Or even if they had younger children, there may still be a way to protect them.

 

Your mind is letting you remember now, and it's probably not by the finger of god probing your brain; but you should still listen to it nonetheless.

 

Good luck, and I'm sorry you're having to remember this now.

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