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Goodbye Jesus

NimbusBirdMgp Biography


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... I'm having to guess at this. But I think it was one of my Elementary School Pictures back in 1967? while I was at the age of 12 years old. Give it 1966 or 1968, like the age of 11 or 13 years old. So this pretty much shows you what I looked like at the time.


... {To Forward what might had been read from a previous Blog. But I want to make it Important to be noticed. This will be Copied and Pasted and Forwarded here from a Previous Blog.}...


... When I was 13 years old - (1968) - I was going to this Oak Park Elementary School in San Diego, Calfornia. I think it was the begining of my 6th grade and was about the 4th Elementary School to move to, since I had been living with my Mother, getting a second divorce and remarring the 3rd time. I was always interested at looking at the girls in school. Pretty soon, I was getting looks and some of the kids began gossiping that this one girl liked me. I was feeling flattered and hoped I could figure how to make the interest work more than eye contact and blushings all the time. It was a time where the anxiety was working it's conditioning on me. I'm at a place I'm suppose to learn something and do that for which the school was expecting and I wanted to find some kind of connection to liking a girl in the class. Then I was getting kind of mocked. This girl likes me and am I going to do anything? I said what can I do? Talk to her. They said. What do I say? I was stuck about how to make anything come of it. Eventually I asked for her address and if I could go visit and see her at her home. Then the other kids did some more mocking of me. This girl is jewish! Do you know she is jewish? I'm what the heck does that mean? So she is jewish. The world was confounding to me enough and this was getting confounding to me. So she looks as white, caucasian and Ameican to me. So I couldn't figure what in the world jewish meant. I finely found a day to go to her house. I was welcomed with good hospitality at first. I kind of remember being given a something to eat and drink there and to try to find out what this girl was up to in her house. If I can remember? Not much. As like I had to wait for her to do some things, that didn't allow me to see her all the time there. Suddenly her mother came storming at me. I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE! OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AROUND HERE AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! GET OUT OF HERE!


... The following days at school also did a big turn on me. This girls name was Barbara Z. When I tried to look at her with my confoundness and with my usual admiration, the reciprication from her was this disgust and hatred coming back at me. I couldn't figure what in all the world happen. What did I do? What happen? She happen to gossip something to make all the other kids to hating me. Now I was the great misfit to everyone there. And everyone got hating me. Through much of and the rest of the semester year of that 6th grade class, until graduation. After that year, I was to continue my schooling at this "HORACE MANN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL" in San Diego, California. It was the following year that when I had to go to Church. I had to learn what it was all about. Then as I heard that the religion was basically an origin from the jewish race. I found this to be kind of shocking about my experience with the girl. Which played a part of what I used as Objective evidence for believing in this God at the time. From this experience and looking at a coincidence that occured to me at age 5 years old also. I was starring at a wall and was thinking about not wanting to be blinded in darkness, but rather in light. Then I was for the moment blinded in this light. I got scared and it took me from jumping up from my bed to look out of the window to finally see everything back to normal. As I got to learning the concept of God. It was from reading how Paul was blinded by light. So these where my Objective or at least how I saw things like it for that time. To think that there was this God. To be humilated and not understand why I'm ostracized with others. I didn't much like their lifestyle either. So the idea of accepting this Christian God, seemed to have all the answers for me at the time.




... * I was at the age of 14 in 1969 that I accepted the Christian Faith. * Later the same year I Discovered a group involved within the Jesus Movement from Calvary Chapel at this First Baptist Church in Chula Vista via San Diego, California. * I got a Broken Finger at age 15 in 1970 and when I heard of Kathryn Kuhlman, I wanted to put "Faith" into this healing towards it. * Leaving my Family to go with their desires of going into the NAVY, when I turned to the age of 17. My Navy term started October 1972. * I meet a great woman at this Christian Neighborhood Church in Castro Valley, California. In Addition to Christian Neighborhood Church was known for the... "Port O' Call" Facility. An Extra Building that would Bunk 30 crew members from the Navy and was an Outreach for the NAVY Serviceman and Organization. Between me and her... "Faith" was put into it. But the outcome changed. She lost interest in me after my 1975 Overseas Duty. I also put my "Faith" into overseas Missionaries in the Philippines. * After getting out of the NAVY and going to seek out the Ministry as trying to see about becoming a Minister. And going to where my Real Father Resided in Huntsville and Guntersville, Alabama and attempting to find my curriculum for Pastoring at this Christian First United Methodist Christian Junior College in Madiston, Mississippi. My aptitude was not fitting the criteria. Another evaluation made me aware of Architecture to be my interest. I had to check out MISSISSIPPI STATE UNIVERSITY for it. I could not get into the courses there, because of my non residence made it more financially impossible. I could not meet a Contract with my Father and then had to find work and jobs and live on my own in Missississippi. I would seek out Christians in the area to help me along the way. * Then to put "Faith" into what I thought was "Perseverances" in my state and situation. * Until I got to move up to Sacramento, California as of March 1979. * One more year of trying to see if my "Faith" would get things solved for me, by 1980. It didn't, but was getting worse. Then I started questioning my "Faith". The more I did, the more things began to make more sense. And if things made more sense this way, then the way I used to apply "Faith" in everything. I got noticing something quite extraordinary gullible about Christianity when my Interest in Science was always seeming to be repressed in my things in life, as I was trying to apply the facts of scientific answers to my seeking of life also. I could only find contradictions and things not making sense. I had to wrestle with a lifestyle of wanting what I wanted good in my life and wanting more than this life and the facts of life. So it was a wrestle with accepting a Agnostic view and staying away from the Church. As I decided to think... "If this God is to be real? Then this God has to be and become relavent to get me to be as serious as I used to be, because I'm tired of wasting my efferts like I used to." And nothing really has happened, but instead I just saw more reasons to be finding Christianity as being gullible. * One more attempt! I thought then this possible God started doing something to me by 1995. And when I tried to corresponded with a Filipino girl in the Philippines. She wanted my total commentment to God. I tried it again with caution or like (Agnostic with what goes, then I will go with it.). And went to the Philippines to Petition for her. To find out she used me. As I tested this "Faith" out in this, I found out how much more and really "Gullible" "Faith" is used to Deceive! The in depth discriptions are not mentioned here. This is a Context Out Line of it all. I find my life similar to Dan Barker in a some what manner.

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Thanks for posting your story, NBM. I've been curious since you joined the site. You seem to be fitting in well here and (I hope) enjoying your time with us.


Glad to have you here.



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Hey Nimbus, Im a Mississippi State Alumni :woohoo: . There seems to be several others with some sort of connection to that state on this site. Enjoyed your story :grin: . I had a similar experience with a Jewish friend's parent, except I was older and understood why he hated my guts. But im over it now, his sports store went under a few years ago HAHAAAA.

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"If this God is to be real?  Then this God has to be and become relavent to get me to be as serious as I used to be, because I'm tired of wasting my efferts like I used to."  And nothing really has happened, but instead I just saw more reasons to be finding Christianity as being gullible.
I think that did hasten my deconversion too: To take god's existence completely serious. It can't be just me that tries to sustain this relationship all the time.


Welcome and enjoy your stay!



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