Christian Relatives Who Talk Shit Of Me

[Naughtyhamster]

Since the death of my stepgrandpa last year my mother and I have been living with my grandmother. Both of them are on Social Security and I'm the only one working and going to school right now. With my part time job and school financial aid I only make about $9,000 a year right now (after all taxes are taken out), and as I don't have medical or dental insurance I've had to pay off about $2,000 worth of medical and dental bills already this year. I pulled out a student loan as I was saving up to go on a future student exchange trip, but as I had overdue medical bills I had to pay those off with half of my loan. Right now I'm trying to keep my head above water, and do the responsible thing and pay off my bills on time.

 

My mother and grandmother don't mind if I can't help them pay the rent as I've had so many other bills to pay off. Still about once a week I'll go down to the store and spend about $100 on groceries for all three of us, or I'll buy something at McD's if I don't have the time to cook dinner when it's my turn. Well my one xtian aunt and uncle thinks I'm being "lazy" as they think I don't help around the house or pay the rent. Fuck! I'm trying my hardest to work and stay in school. At work now I'm working a night and a day shift 18 hours a week( tutoring adults who can barely read and highschool drop outs is not an easy task). It's not like I'm a slacker who has no job or college courses and sits around on my ass all day! They think I'm not helping my grandmother enough though I'm helping her with chores and studying at the same time on the weekends. My poor grandmother was crying this Monday night as my aunt and uncle were being a bunch of assholes and judging me when they have no idea how it's like to be in my shoes. They really insulted her as well as me as Grandma is very appreciative of my taking responsiblity for my bills and running errands for her and my mother. Last week as I don't have a car I went out in the pouring rain on the bus to pick up some forms from the Social Services for my grandmother.

 

My aunt and uncle are filthy rich, and my cousins always make me feel like I'm not "Christian enough" as I don't make as much money as they do. When I was an xtian I always felt like gawd must have hated me as I wasn't rich like my cousins, and I would pray in church for him to make me rich like them. I can't help it if I wasn't born with a fucking silver spoon in my mouth, so I think they should fuck off and keep off my fucking back!

[Panther]

I'm sorry that you're going through that type of stress. It sounds as though you are sincerely appreciated at home though and that's what counts. It truly sounds like your head and your head are in the right place. I think you're doing great!! A lot of people honestly don't have your motivation. You know, there's always going to be some type of hypocritical people in your life that come along and try to kick you when you're down. Just ignore it....just keep doing what you're doing.

[Thurisaz]

/me wonders whether those oh-so-wonderful relatives secretly hate NH just because that situation reminds something deep inside them that maybe, just maybe, they might have an ethical responsibility to help too... "that bastard NH, not helping the grandparents, now we must wonder whether we should help!!!"

[WCrystal]

I know how you feel, as my family treats me kind of the way yours does.

 

Just fuck em, and live on. You can't change them, but you can change yourself into not listening to a damned thing they have to say.

[Naughtyhamster]

I can understand why my grandmother was crying about me being dissed by my aunt and uncle. Though my uncle makes a lot of money he never seems to help her out, and here I am living at the poverty line and actually spending money on her and my mother. The last time my uncle paid for anything was a round trip ticket for my grandmother to come and see my one cousin's wedding when he married some hotel owner's daughter back in September of 2006. My cousins with thier jobs ( two of them make $20 an hour, and the oldest is in the military) can afford to go on trips to Europe and Hawaii so I don't understand why my aunt and uncle can't ask them if they can help out Granny too.

 

On top of that 18 hours as a tutor for adults is not easy work. As I work day and night shifts with illiterate adults, ESL students, and highschool dropouts sometimes I'm serving as a quasi social worker as well. One elderly man needed a pro bono laywer as he was having legal problems, so I had to sit down with him and search for one online. Then as his English wasn't good I had to help him fill out forms and documents. Finally my supervisor told me that if this man has any similar problems again I should let her handle such things as theres people who need help with academic stuff.

[Panther]

I would start a pissing match and tell her that if she has any criticism aimed at you...that she should address it to you and NOBODY else..but do it infront of others so everybody knows what kind of a bitch she is, or a the very least, not to fuck with you...... ....I have done that to my own mother. She will not ever try to say anything overtly any more and she is on eggshells when she tries something even faitly accusatory or inflamitory...

 

 

HA HA!! Good for you!! I can tell by your posts that you don't take any crap from anyone.

We all get treated how we ALLOW ourselves to be treated.

Now...I need to put some more of that into my own life.....

[DarthOkkata]

I also have little patience for snappy relatives. I've lived in your situation as well.

 

Ask them what they do to help out on a daily basis where you're staying? Shove in their face that you work more hours than they do. Point out that they're being selfish, having homes and lives of their own, when it's so obvious to them that they're needed there.

 

Don't stand there and take BS because you want to be polite. You are not a Christian, and 'turn the other cheek' shouldn't be relevant to you any more. It's just not good advice.

 

If someone slaps you in the face, you kick them in the balls and tell them not to do it again.

 

Speaking out and losing your job is one thing, speaking out to someone's who's just being an asshole, with no real consequence involved, that's something else. Unless someone is in danger of having a shock heart attack, don't worry about the other residents feelings in the matter.

 

This is one of those types of issues that they should just feel bad about for a while. It's wrong for them to try and make you feel guilty about defending yourself, verbally or otherwise. You should let them know that if they try.

 

Sitting and taking abuse like this is part of the 'Christian Mentallity' that should be dumped with the faith.

 

If possible, let them rant for a bit, and then throw the offenders out of the home for a while. Most of the time, family will come back quiet and know to avoid the subject that got them thrown out.

[Naughtyhamster]

Only problem is these relatives don't live with my grandmother, mother, and I. They live all the way in Oregon in a neighborhood that has houses about as costly as the ones along California's coastline.

 

Also is what I don't get is recently my uncle was diagnosed with COPD ( lung disease from smoking), and he was told if he doesn't quit he will be on oxygen in about 8-10 years. Umm... I'm wondering if he blackens his lungs more and winds up sucking on an oxygen tank if my cousins will help him out. Like I said if they can afford trips to Europe and Hawaii they can help lend a hand to the elders in the family. This summer my girl cousin is going to Tijuana, Mexico for some "Missionary" trip. I'm wondering why no one has gotten onto her back that she should come on down here to California to help out her granny before going off to some third world country to preach her xtian crap to little orphans.

[Grandpa Harley]

If family don't behave like family, then they ain't family, you just share some genetics....

[Lycorth]

Agreed; shared genes don't make up for shit behavior. I've had my fill of both friends and relatives who look down their noses at the less well-off, refusing to try and understand their predicaments yet claiming to have the monopoly on compassion

 

You have my condolences, NH. When I moved back home to help my folks with things, there would be waves of peace and waves of riding my ass for not forking over enough money every week, even though they didn't need it to buy food or anything else, and having since gotten married and moved out, they are doing just fine, financially. I grind my teeth when I think of how I got so much shit for absolutely nothing :angry:

[Thurisaz]

If family don't behave like family, then they ain't family, you just share some genetics....

 

Short, and straight to the point. You get my for that

[Grandpa Harley]

Thx... sometimes blood is just polluted water.

[Dhampir]

Write up a list of all the reasons they have no place to fuckin' talk, so as to be ready next time they get on you about something.

[DarthOkkata]

Try this fun worksheet. If possible, print it out and hand them a copy.

 

Deal with idiots in style, with an easily understood copy of why they are wrong, that they can take with them when you're finished.

 

It's from 'The Joy of Work' by Scott Adams.

 

 

You are wrong because...

 

"I have collected the most common arguments made by irrational people into a handy reference guide and titled it "You are Wrong Because." Select the irrational arguments that apply to your situation and give the generated URL to the person who is bugging you. Look smug, as though this were conclusive evidence of your rightness. A rational person might point out that just because something is on a website doesn't make it so. But since you're not giving the list to anyone with that much insight, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you will feel as though you brought closure to a potentially frustrating situation."

 

 

Fool's name:

 

For your convenience, I have highlighted the brain malfunction(s) that

most closely resemble(s) the one(s) you recently made on the topic of .

 

Amazingly Bad Analogy

Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick. Therefore, you can train a potato to dance.

 

Faulty Cause and Effect

Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge trousers makes you fat.

 

I am the World

Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music is not popular.

 

Ignoring Everything Science Knows about the Brain

Example: People choose to be obese/gay/alcoholic because they prefer the lifestyle.

 

The Few are the Same as the Whole

Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites.

 

Generalizing from Self

Example: I'm a liar. Therefore, I don't believe what you're saying.

 

Argument by Bizarre Definition

Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against the law.

 

Total Logical Disconnect

Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made of bricks.

 

Judging Things Without Comparison to Alternatives

Example: I don't invest in US Treasury bills. There's too much risk.

 

Anything You Don't Understand is Easy to Do.

Example: If you have the right tools, how hard could it be to generate nuclear fission at home?

 

Ignorance of statistics

Example: I'm putting ALL of my money on the lottery this week because the jackpot is so big.

 

Ignoring the Downside Risk

Example: I know that bungee jumping could kill me, but it's three seconds of great fun!

 

Substituting Famous Quotes for COmmon Sense

Example: Remember, "All good things come to those who wait." So don't bother looking for a job.

 

Irrelevant Comparisons

Example: A hundred dollars is a good price for a toaster, compared to buying a Ferrari.

 

Circular Reasoning

Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you. And I must be smarter than you because I'm correct.

 

Incompleteness as Proof of Defect

Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't address the question of why there are no unicorns, so it must be wrong.

 

Ignoring the Advice of Experts Without Good Reason

Example: Sure, the experts think you shouldn't ride a bicycle into the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory.

 

Following the Advice of Known Idiots

Example: Uncle Billy says pork makes you smarter. That's good enough for me!

 

Reaching Bizarre Conclusions Without Any Information

Example: the car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns.

 

Faulty Pattern Recognition

Example: His last six wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope to be wife number seven.

 

Failure to Recognise what's Important

Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and tell them to hold my mail!

 

Unclear on the concept of sunk costs

Example: We've spent millions developing a water-powered pogo stick. We can't stop investing now or it will all be wasted.

 

Overapplication of Occam's Razor (Which says that the simplest explanation is usually right)

Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that they were hoaxes.

 

Ignoring all Anecdotal Evidence

Example: I always get hives immediately after eating strawberries. But withouta scientifically controlled experiment, it's not reliable data. So I continue to eat strawberries every day, since I can't tell if they cause hives.

 

Inability to Understand That Some Things Have Multiple Causes

Example: The Beatles were popular for one reason only: They were good singers.

 

Judging the Whole by One of Its Characteristics

Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore, the planet would be better off without the sun.

 

Blinding Flashes of the Obvious

Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty

 

Blaming the tool

Example: I bought an encyclopaedia but I'm still stupid. This encyclopaedia must be defective.

 

Hallicinations of Reality

Example: I got my facts from a talking tree.

 

Taking Things to Their Illogical Conclusion

Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you know he'll be lopping off your limbs!

 

Failure to Understand Why Rules Don't Have Exceptions

Example: It should be legal to shoplift, as long as you don't take enough to hurt the company's earnings.

 

Proof by Lack of Evidence

Example: I've never seen you drunk, so you must be one of those Amish people.

 

Created by MegaT. Content from Dilbert: The Joy of Work by Scott Adams © United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

 

 

Also, what's so great about being a 'thunder god'? I've a lot of people listing them under personal gods and such. Thunder is just noise. I'll take a lightening god over that any day. Those are the ones you should worry about.

[LosingMyReligion]

Since the death of my stepgrandpa last year my mother and I have been living with my grandmother. Both of them are on Social Security and I'm the only one working and going to school right now. With my part time job and school financial aid I only make about $9,000 a year right now (after all taxes are taken out), and as I don't have medical or dental insurance I've had to pay off about $2,000 worth of medical and dental bills already this year. I pulled out a student loan as I was saving up to go on a future student exchange trip, but as I had overdue medical bills I had to pay those off with half of my loan. Right now I'm trying to keep my head above water, and do the responsible thing and pay off my bills on time.

 

My mother and grandmother don't mind if I can't help them pay the rent as I've had so many other bills to pay off. Still about once a week I'll go down to the store and spend about $100 on groceries for all three of us, or I'll buy something at McD's if I don't have the time to cook dinner when it's my turn. Well my one xtian aunt and uncle thinks I'm being "lazy" as they think I don't help around the house or pay the rent. Fuck! I'm trying my hardest to work and stay in school. At work now I'm working a night and a day shift 18 hours a week( tutoring adults who can barely read and highschool drop outs is not an easy task). It's not like I'm a slacker who has no job or college courses and sits around on my ass all day! They think I'm not helping my grandmother enough though I'm helping her with chores and studying at the same time on the weekends. My poor grandmother was crying this Monday night as my aunt and uncle were being a bunch of assholes and judging me when they have no idea how it's like to be in my shoes. They really insulted her as well as me as Grandma is very appreciative of my taking responsiblity for my bills and running errands for her and my mother. Last week as I don't have a car I went out in the pouring rain on the bus to pick up some forms from the Social Services for my grandmother.

 

My aunt and uncle are filthy rich, and my cousins always make me feel like I'm not "Christian enough" as I don't make as much money as they do. When I was an xtian I always felt like gawd must have hated me as I wasn't rich like my cousins, and I would pray in church for him to make me rich like them. I can't help it if I wasn't born with a fucking silver spoon in my mouth, so I think they should fuck off and keep off my fucking back!

 

 

I went through the exact samething.

 

The entire time I was in college(I'm graduating this semester)I was busting my @$$ working and going to classes. On top of that I was: paying utility bills, buying groceries, and basically taking care of my mother, period. Anyway, I hate all of my brothers. There is no hope for a reconcilliation between us and honestly I am so glad their out of my life...However, while I was living at home(I moved out a year ago. I took night classes and worked days), they made my life a living hell. These bastards make hundreds and thousands of dollars a year...YET, they chided and castigated me to my mother, sending her to tears more often than not, about how I am worthless and should be thrown out on the streets...

It was getting to the point that I was stressed beyond belief. So I got some fulltime penny-annie job(as a file clerk)and moved into a cheap motel(I made sure to clean it up before I moved in)and it was the best thing that I've ever done! I am completely estranged from my family(except my mom), my decision, and my little motel room served it's purpose until I got a good apartment.

People automatically judge adults who still live at home as dead beats. But they don't know the total story. I didn't have ANYONE to help me along the way. My siblings were non existent in my life and no one guided me. Everything I did I did it on my own...

 

So hold your head up high and just know that you will be a better person for this. Eventually you will have your own place and you won't have to have anything to do with them...

 

I apologize, but this just strikes a nerve with me. My relatives, for the most part, disgust me.

[R. S. Martin]

I apologize, but this just strikes a nerve with me. My relatives, for the most part, disgust me.

 

Don't apologize for anything! I loved your rant. It's good to know others who are in the same boat. In fact, I found your story inspiring, LMR.

[Naughtyhamster]

A few weeks ago my grandmother sent me down to Social Services to get an application for housing as what used to be her house wound up being inherited by my stepaunt (my stepgrandpa's daughter) and we are renting from her now though she's been upping the rent. We might as well move as she treats us like shit as much as my biological aunt and uncle do.

 

It's been such a stressfull week for me, folks. I even lost my ATM and had to call the bank for it to be canceled. I thank you all for your wise advice.

 

DarthOkkata thank you for that Joy of Work entry. I'll send it to my aunt and uncle ( and just for fun to my other family members and friends) right now.

[Jella]

Hang in there NH. Your doing all you can do. I couldn't imagine tutoring illiterate adults.

 

LMR, It seems you too are on the right track. Good for you.

[Grandpa Harley]

As a non flippant comment, you seem to lead more of a life of service (a la 'Purpose Driven Life') than folk calling themselves 'Christian'...