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Confession Time!


kellyb
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When you were a Christian, what were your "big sins" that you "struggled with"?

 

As a kid, mine was lying. Around the age of 14 I got over that, and am a very honest person to this day. It's a "core value" of mine, and I guess I'm greatful to christianity for that, coz I like being honest.

 

BUT...

 

I traded that in for sex. I absolutely could not be in a relationship with a guy for several months without having sex. And masturbation. Just couldn't help myself.

I remember in chapel (at the fundy middle and high school) sometimes they'd preach on the subject, and everyone was supposed to bow their heads and close their eyes, and if it was a problem for you, you were supposed to raise you hand as a "getting real with god" gesture or something. But I know I couldn't help but look to see who all was raising their hand, and I NEVER confessed. And apparently, only about 3 kids out of several hundred masturbated.

AMAZING! What a fine group of Christian teens, huh?

...lol...

 

Oh...but on the bright side, I think I owe some of my delicious perversions I enjoy so much now to my passage through puberty filled with guilt and fear of damnation relating to sex. So, when life gives you lemons, I guess. :HaHa:

 

Anyway, when life took a dump on you, what did you think you were doing to piss god off?

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My biggest sin was not believing I had a sin but one couldn't be a christian without being a sinner that Jesus could save. I struggled a LOT with the discrepency between what the church professed was wrong with the world--and all its human inhabitants--and what I actually experienced.

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Lust and pornography. :shrug:

 

Oh, and video games! Totally addicted. Lost a job over them.

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Mine was, "The spirit of homosexuality." Since I'm gay(born that way)that was a pretty big one for me. I spent years filled with sexual tension. However, when I gave up christianity I became positively gay(gay means happy, haha). :) Of course family members still say, "We are praying for you to change." LOL, well they'll be doing it until they're dead because I tried that. Trust me, if there is a god he doesn't care...

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Mine was, "The spirit of homosexuality." Since I'm gay(born that way)that was a pretty big one for me. I spent years filled with sexual tension. However, when I gave up christianity I became positively gay(gay means happy, haha). :)

Of course family members still say, "We are praying for you to change." LOL, well they'll be doing it until their dead because I tried that. Trust me, if there is a god he doesn't care...

 

I think perhaps this nails why I find myself identifying with homosexuals and speaking up for their rights. I'm not homosexual but I don't "fit in" no matter how hard I try. And yes, if there is a god he certainly doesn't care what happens to me. Only god knows (if he exists) how hard I tried to fit in. And all I ever got was more flak for not fitting--as though it were my fault how I was born to be. Like your family, though, they don't believe that it was an in-born thing; they believe it's my choice to be "weird." It's NOT. No more than it's your choice being gay. But hey! we like being the way we are when we are allowed to indulge our talents, right?

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Where to begin? :scratch:

 

Well, being gay for a start. And though Catholicism's teachings about sex were presented very positively to me in Confession, I could never get to grips with the idea that sexuality could be a gift if my sexuality was inherently disordered. So much so, the Vatican now says, that no divine 'calling' to the priesthood was great enough to reach a homosexual. And that, somehow, I could express my sexuality in a positive way without engaging in any sexual activity. :shrug:

 

Being a teenage boy...(i.e. masturbation and pornography).

 

Scrupulosity. I was too obsessed with sin and feeling guilty about sin. So, of course, I felt guilty about feeling too guilty about sin.

 

Always having the lingering doubt that the being I was talking to was actually a construct of my own mind, and never being able to feel a certainity about connecting with something 'other'.

 

Self-righteousness and pride. I was sure that I was a better Catholic than the vast majority of the rest.

 

Trying to deal with sin myself. I had to let God sort it out...but my own compulsive need to be perfect was getting in the way of that. So I had to try to let God deal with it. But by trying to do that, I was still trying to do something by my own will...

 

Believing deep down that most of my fellow Catholics were (at least materially) heretics, including my parish priest.

 

Being embarrassed about my religion and not wanting to admit the extent of my obsession.

 

Not caring about people, but caring about doing the right thing so I felt like a good little Catholic.

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Um I'll echo the sexual sin part, especially since Jesus added thought crime. I'm a very sexual kinky bisexual person. : shrug :

 

I also had anger issues. My DH and I worked in childrens ministry, he was actaully the head of that ministry. The lip service the church, and parents would give to this minstry pissed me off. Then I, when alone in paryer would be all, "DO I hate these people?" Sometimes I did. Then I'd question if I had the right "heart attitude" toward minstry. Blah Even when I "did" the right thing, I was constantly worried about my attitude.

 

The idea of thought crime still pisses me off. It's not enough to struggle and do the right thing, nooooooooo you have to think it and feel it the right way too.

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My biggest sin was being intolerant, namely, having a burning hatred for homosexuals, blacks, Jews etc. But I suppose in the end it was a good thing since this was quite a major factor in my abandoning religion. I still often think back to those simpler times and wonder why I hated fellow humans with no reason other than the schools/church telling me to. The joys of brainwashing.

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For me it would be my lacking ability to "honor thy father and mother." I had no qualms about letting them know my POV on things. Ah, the yelling.

 

That and lying. Never knew you had to confess masturbation. They just told us kids that it caused epilepsy.

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Never knew you had to confess masturbation. They just told us kids that it caused epilepsy.

 

But only if you do it just right.

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Mine was probably pride...I was raised in the Pentecostal church, which thrives on emotionalism. Acting sane was being prideful, so I had to make myself "get out of my comfort level" to raise my hands and such. Thankfully I was never able to get out of it too much, so I never did anything really stupid.

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I actually had a kindof backwards struggle when it came to the sexual sin thing. I struggled, for a while, to believe that masturbation and sexual desire was wrong. I just couldn't do it though. I never really understood or believed that masturbation was wrong. In the very same sense, I never really -- deep down -- believed I was a "sinner." It just never sat well with me and I couldn't self-identify with a person who needed salvation from their sins. I was able to swallow it for a little bit but there was always a little bit of doublethink... or I tried not to think about it and just remembered the axiom that "all have sinned" and said I must be a sinner because we all are. But it never really clicked with me. I just did not buy the idea that being myself was wrong. Not sexually or otherwise.

 

My struggle was for understanding... I never got any of it... I wanted to. I wanted to know God and to understand the whole "deal" but it never came for me. I struggled with belief and faith every single moment.

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My biggest sin was being smart and having the natural curiousity that children do, as well as being female at the same time.

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I just want to add, for any Christians that might be reading this. I can only speak for myself, but any struggles with sin I may have had, they did not figure into my leaveing the faith. I was in for 10 years, in that time I struggled with sin, like any other Christian, and remained. Although I may now feel a great burden has been lifted fomr me, wanting to sin had nothing, zip, zero, nada to do with my deconversion.

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My biggest sin was being smart and having the natural curiousity that children do, as well as being female at the same time.

 

LOL!!! I hear ya, sister! Esp. the part about being smart. I wasn't smart enough to know I was smart so I went through life feeling I was really stupid. But when I tried to solve my stupidity by asking about the things I didn't know, people really hated me. I had no idea what I was doing wrong. Nobody would tell me. It's only in retrospect that I got it figured out. And now I have to deal with the rage that this realization evokes.....All that suffering for nothing?????

 

Yeah, I still struggle.

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Porn, masturbation, and just being sexually active in general. Those were big, especially the first two from my teen years.

 

Harboring attitudes of pride and vengefulness as well, as I was always possessed of a strong independent streak and always believed in retaliation and self-defense, which also complicated the whole "turn-the-other-cheek" drivel.

 

Loving my enemies I never did, and always hated those who were set against me or my loved ones.

 

Any and all exhortations to put Jebus above all other things and people I love, including myself, also bothered me. I just couldn't value Jebus above my parents or any significant others. In due course, the whole Sermon on the Mount made me spiritually nauseous.

 

Hell, over time, virtually every point of Xian doctrine began to irk me, as I found myself embracing naturally so many things that the deathcult deems "sinful."

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Heh, I was going to say pissing on national monuments, but that would actually be the worst thing I did, not something I struggled with.

 

I, like pretty much every person alive, struggled with sex and masturbation. Of course, it makes too much sense now why I struggled with it, because it's a natural thing. If my parents had told me it was natural (instead of threatening to chop of my penis if I used it), I might not have thought it was such a big deal. Sex is great, but it's not all it's advertised to be, and it's not at all taboo.

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