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Relieved....and Yet....


R. S. Martin
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I feel relieved. I know now I made the right decision. This concerns one of my "famous" (on this forum) sisters.

 

Earlier today I said in a post somewhere that everything's been said in my family that can be said. I guess I under-rated them. A fat letter came in the mail today. "I'm sorry for the many times I led you on and called your thoughts right," the one letter began. I guess she thinks it's because of her encouragement that I am today what I am. Elsewhere she wrote that "grace is possible." I threw it out.

 

*Sorry to bust your bubble, sis, but I would have reached my present conclusions without you. And I am living in grace more fully than you can ever know, so yes, grace is possible. I don't want your kind of grace.*

I feel somewhat guilty throwing out a letter she spent hours writing by hand. However, I told them long ago that I wanted no more letters from the family. People who will not respect a boundary deserve no respect. Incidentally, this came from a person who had been almost persuaded to leave her religion. She was pretty serious about it. So serious, in fact, that she had some special visitors with great insight who warned her to stop reading Tom Harper's books. It's no skin off my nose whether she follows me or not.

 

I don't want followers. I want people to take care of themselves and do their own thinking and decision-making. This is an attitude I learned by exposure in the university environment. If she had chosen to leave her religion and if she had needed my help to get out of the community, I would have helped her. In fact, I did give her a few tips providing she was planning on leaving. Even more, I had tried to help her see how she could be true to her own convictions without leaving the church.

 

I went so far as to give her the name of an Old Order Mennonite woman whom I believed could help her accomplish this. That woman seems to have found the kind of balance I believed my sister longed for. I had sincerely hoped she would contact the older lady. I don't think she did.

 

From where I stand, it looks like she tossed out the baby with the bathwater. I wonder if perhaps she had wanted me to embrace her in a co-dependent way. She must surely miss the way Mom used to confide in her. I know she has held me in awe because of my education and stuff. I didn't let it affect me because I didn't want it to "go to my head." Besides, how is one supposed to respond when told that she is held in high esteem? Just live like nobody said anything is my attitude. That's the way my profs do it. Most of them seem to be pretty decent folk.

 

So anyway, it seems she has heeded the great wisdom of those special visitors. That frees me from further obligations to help her out of the community. She has shown her colours for what they really are. I guess she's just one more of the living dead who has sacrificed her Self on the alter of dogma and tradition. She will probably get along better with her community now that she has made this decision. She will probably substitute the resulting peace for the "peace that passeth understanding."

 

Tragic.

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I feel relieved. I know now I made the right decision. This concerns one of my "famous" (on this forum) sisters.

 

Earlier today I said in a post somewhere that everything's been said in my family that can be said. I guess I under-rated them. A fat letter came in the mail today. "I'm sorry for the many times I led you on and called your thoughts right," the one letter began. I guess she thinks it's because of her encouragement that I am today what I am. Elsewhere she wrote that "grace is possible." I threw it out.

 

*Sorry to bust your bubble, sis, but I would have reached my present conclusions without you. And I am living in grace more fully than you can ever know, so yes, grace is possible. I don't want your kind of grace.*

I feel somewhat guilty throwing out a letter she spent hours writing by hand. However, I told them long ago that I wanted no more letters from the family. People who will not respect a boundary deserve no respect. Incidentally, this came from a person who had been almost persuaded to leave her religion. She was pretty serious about it. So serious, in fact, that she had some special visitors with great insight who warned her to stop reading Tom Harper's books. It's no skin off my nose whether she follows me or not.

 

I don't want followers. I want people to take care of themselves and do their own thinking and decision-making. This is an attitude I learned by exposure in the university environment. If she had chosen to leave her religion and if she had needed my help to get out of the community, I would have helped her. In fact, I did give her a few tips providing she was planning on leaving. Even more, I had tried to help her see how she could be true to her own convictions without leaving the church.

 

I went so far as to give her the name of an Old Order Mennonite woman whom I believed could help her accomplish this. That woman seems to have found the kind of balance I believed my sister longed for. I had sincerely hoped she would contact the older lady. I don't think she did.

 

From where I stand, it looks like she tossed out the baby with the bathwater. I wonder if perhaps she had wanted me to embrace her in a co-dependent way. She must surely miss the way Mom used to confide in her. I know she has held me in awe because of my education and stuff. I didn't let it affect me because I didn't want it to "go to my head." Besides, how is one supposed to respond when told that she is held in high esteem? Just live like nobody said anything is my attitude. That's the way my profs do it. Most of them seem to be pretty decent folk.

 

So anyway, it seems she has heeded the great wisdom of those special visitors. That frees me from further obligations to help her out of the community. She has shown her colours for what they really are. I guess she's just one more of the living dead who has sacrificed her Self on the alter of dogma and tradition. She will probably get along better with her community now that she has made this decision. She will probably substitute the resulting peace for the "peace that passeth understanding."

 

Tragic.

 

Hey Ruby,

 

I'm sorry to hear about this letter that must have felt like yet another kick in the guts for you.

 

Don't for a second feel guilty about throwing the letter out. It wouldn't make you feel good to read the entire letter anyway, so you did the right thing.

 

From what I have heard of the people I have known for years who have left fundi-ism, the siblings seem to all come to the realisation that they were treated like shit by their parents (who do so because the barbull seems to teach it) and band together. I'm the only one out of my circle of friends who does not have a supportive sibling.

 

It sounds like you're in the same boat as me.

 

Don't worry...it makes you stronger. And you sound like you're doing well and feel so liberated for freeing yourself of the shackles.

 

Bottom line: good for you.

 

Cheers,

AJ :)

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Just now I picked the letters out of the garbage and read them. They're not hostile like I thought they were. Nobody's preaching or guilt-tripping.

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Just now I picked the letters out of the garbage and read them. They're not hostile like I thought they were. Nobody's preaching or guilt-tripping.

 

Okay that's great to hear.

 

I was just responding to your first post anyhow...

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Just now I picked the letters out of the garbage and read them. They're not hostile like I thought they were. Nobody's preaching or guilt-tripping.

 

 

Well then it's good that you re-read them as it probably changed your feelings on it a little bit. Do you think you will talk with her now?

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