Amethyst Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Dandelion suns, strewn across grassy space -- half in sunlight, half in shadows, like a sad, troubled face. * * * * * I wrote this second verse, but it seems too dark for it. What does everyone think? * * * * * What dark nightmares lie in that dim, twilit place between the dusk, between the dawn, where dreams and fears embrace? * * * * * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 No it's not too dark. It's engaging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 15, 2005 Author Share Posted June 15, 2005 No it's not too dark. It's engaging. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 (Revised on the advice of my writers' group) Dandelion suns strewn across grassy space -- half in sunlight, half in shadows, like a sad, troubled face. What dark nightmares lie in that dim, twilit place between the dusk, between the dawn, where dreams and fears embrace? Shadows, soft and gray, entwine with sunlight’s lace through the daydreams, through the nightmares, ‘til dawn sets gold ablaze. ***** What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 I like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AscendoTuumDeus Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Reminds me of a H.P. Lovecraft short story I read pretty recently... The poem is good though (the story was good as well). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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