My Decon

[bush country]

My testimony of deconversion is not as dramatic as some that I’ve read on this site but I decided to post it early on in my membership so no one could accuse me of copying it from someone else’s story. There are, no doubt, similarities to other stories because the reasons for doubting are the same for many people. I can put a specific time and place as to when it occurred. June 1, 2007 as I was driving home for lunch. Just finally dawned on me that it is all a bunch of bs.

 

I was raised in a Christian family. We went to church every Sunday but seldom discussed it outside of church. So I was not beaten into submission or strongly coerced or anything. One of my few arguments as a teenager with my parents was not about me going to church, but about where I would go to church.

 

In writing this down I tried to distill things into just a few points of why I deconverted. There are literally at least a hundred reasons. Most of them minor ones that may not make much sense to anyone but me.

 

About four years ago I decided to “draw close to God” so he would “draw close to me”. I wanted real what I called 1st Century™ Christian faith. The more I read, the more I realized that what we are taught today did not match that. Also, a few months ago I caught the tail end of a show that talked about there being no archeological evidence for the exodus. That led me to read a couple of books about archeology (Silberman/Finklestein) and to realize that the whole foundation of Christianity is built upon “shifting sand”. My belief lasted for 41 years. With the foundation knocked from under it, it crumbled in about two months.

 

Here are my reasons:

 

1. Never, in 41 years, was there a clear definite answer from God to a prayer. Never.

 

2. God has never "moved" in my life in a tangible way.

 

3. God is in no way real. I cannot touch, taste, smell, hear, or see him, so therefore, if he did exist, there is no way to interact with him.

 

4. I got to a point that I realized I didn't care about heaven. If I was not willing to do what is required of me by Christianity in this life it's not worth doing.

 

5. Bible does contain errors/contradict itself.

 

6. Real archeology/bible do not match.

 

7. If it was god's plan for Jesus to come to earth, be betrayed, and be crucified, why would Judas be condemned for carrying out god's plan?

 

8. I truly, deeply, sincerely believed in god and wanted a deeper relationship with him. The further I went in seeking the less real it all became. I wanted to know what first century Christianity was like and discovered it was not at all of one accord. Discovered that what ended up in the canon of scripture had more to do with politics than religion.

 

The eight reasons listed are all internal to me. In other words, not based upon the actions of others or observations of others. I had a couple of other reasons of a more personal nature but they could be viewed as attacks upon specific people and a specific church. After re-reading them, I decided they would be counterproductive to the intent of this forum.

 

Whatever damage this has done to me has been more of “by omission” than “by commission”. I spent too many years expecting god to magically do something to show me where he wanted me to go, what he wanted me to do, to take me out of one situation or another, to provide guidance in my life, instead of taking responsibility for my own life and actions. The only time things have improved is when I took action based on making a rational decision with the information available.

[pitchu]

Welcome, bush country.

 

What a modest, reasoned story you tell, and your careful approach will surely be a boon to these forums.

 

Intellectual honesty arriving at age 41 is still better than at 42 or beyond.

 

May you have many, many years to enjoy knowing that your life belongs to you.

[Lerato]

Welcome Bush Country,

 

Another deconvert from the "Bible Belt". Gotta love it! I hope that you can find yourself a community of tolerant, free-thinking people out in Bush country, but whether or not you do were here for you on the boards. It continues to amaze me how most apostates have actually read the Bible more thoroughly and delved deeper into the background of Chrisitan history and theology than most practicing Christians. You are most welcome here on the boards and I look forward to hearing your opinions expressed here.

[Mankey]

Welcome bush country! I am new here too.

 

I am glad you made it. Thats what really counts. I hope things go smoothly for you here on out.

 

See ya in the forums.

[bush country]

Thank you for your support!

 

Lerato - yes, I agree with what you are saying about "believers" not reading the bible. I used to lead a small group bible study and it was apparent that I was the only one that had actually read it. About half way along in my third time through it is when my deconversion occurred.

 

Pitchu - minor detail that I did not make clear. I'm 49. I was "saved" at age 8, so it was 41 years as a christian. Have to admit though, I kind of put it on the shelf for about half of that time.

[soor]

1. Never, in 41 years, was there a clear definite answer from God to a prayer. Never.

 

2. God has never "moved" in my life in a tangible way.

 

3. God is in no way real. I cannot touch, taste, smell, hear, or see him, so therefore, if he did exist, there is no way to interact with him.

 

 

 

8. I truly, deeply, sincerely believed in god and wanted a deeper relationship with him. The further I went in seeking the less real it all became.

 

I spent too many years expecting god to magically do something to show me where he wanted me to go, what he wanted me to do, to take me out of one situation or another, to provide guidance in my life, The only time things have improved is when I took action based on making a rational decision with the information available.

 

This is exactly what made me give up. Good post .