Meth Head Neighbor Turned Jesus Addict

[xandermac]

My neighbor is a recovering meth addict. I can't stand her but her son and mine are friends. The boys are both 12.

When he goes to their home he is asked to say the blessing which he is too embarrassed to say no. I'm in the process of deprogramming my son. Her son is a sweet kid that has been in foster care due to her drug use. Although I can appreciate that she got off drugs, every other word from her mouth is Jesus. She's been clean for a couple years supposedly, although I did see her one night that I'm sure she was drinking. 2 nights ago I mentioned that I was broke this week and money was tight and she came to my house and said the lord put in on her heart to give me 20$. I almost flipped out on her but I just refused to take her money. She proceeded to tell me all that god had done for her. The church gave her a car,and blah, blah, blah. she doesn't work so I guess she gets aid from the state. Her son is in different human resource programs, big brother, etc. She can't see that people Not god are helping her. My questions, Should I worry that she will figure out that I'm a non believer and decide that my son shouldn't be in a godless home? She is in close contact with Department of Human Resources since she had her son taken away before. Should I tell her to quit cramming god down our throat? I don't want to do anything to mess up my kid's friendships, but I'm tired of getting ask to go to church or let my kid go to church and I'm so tired of her telling me she loves me every time we speak on the phone about the kids. I have to fake it and lie to most parents of his friends because they are all churchies. It sux. I'm afraid that people will tell DHR some shit and they will take him from me. I should tell you that I do smoke pot and have for 30 years. It's better than any prescription for a list of ailments I have, my son does not know this. I don't smoke everyday and my oldest boys 28 & 22 only found out recently. So I am discreet. But should I get reported to DHR and get drug tested, even though I'm a decent ,hard working parent I would be labeled a drug addict and lose my kid. Feed back please.

[Grandpa Harley]

No advice worth a damn from here, just I feel for you. I hope that your suspicions are worng about someone ratting out to the DHR... good luck.

[HuaiDan]

Keep smokin', just the fewer that know about it the better. I'd entertain the neighbor with pleasantries, just don't let her get her foot too deep inside the door or next thing you know she'll be insisting you come to her church. Tell her you're a catholic or JW or something.

[Japedo]

What an awful situation...

 

I'd half be tempted to point out to her all the people that helped her that she negates to thank or recognize. That is one thing that pisses me off with fundys. God gets all the thanks and glory and the real people that helped get nothing.

 

 

If it were me, I'd cut off all ties with her and find another kid for your kid to hang with. You don't need to say it outright, do it in a polite way. Such as: We were just on our way out...or Oh we made plans already.. another time, I'll give you a call when I'm free type of stuff. Eventually she'll find another soul to save. The last thing you need is a deluded new Christian who has lives to fix. On a mission to force helping you to save you from yourself. The more information she has about your life the more she is in a position to manipulate. Instead of her using her manipulation tactics on getting her next fix, she'll use it as an attempt to save you from yourself.. and your child. I'm sorry I don't have better advice.

 

What you do your home and with your life is your own business. I agree with Dan, the less that know the better. Good luck.

[Amethyst]

Sounds to me like she replaced one addiction with another. Very sad. I'm sure she will eventually figure out you are a non-believer. I certainly would not tell anyone that you smoke pot, especially not this fundy, you never know if they'll tattle. If I were you, I'd be considering moving to another neighborhood where people are less fundy. Or at least limiting contact with them to exchanging greetings.

[Kurari]

My best advice is to ignore her blather and change the subject. Make non-commital noises and make free use of "I have to go now" excuses when you get too annoyed. If she asks you if you want to go to church, do what Japedo suggested and say stuff like "Oh, we're busy that day. Hey, how about that local sports team?" Act like Teflon, and never get sucked into personal questions about your religious views. Tell her "That's personal, and I'd rather not discuss it." Never waver from this even once. If necessary, tell her you believe in Matthew 6:6. That's the verse about praying in secret and in closets.

 

Tell her nothing, limit contact, ignore her new God addiction, and keep your business private. You cannot change her. Telling her off is just going to make things worse for you and your son. If you are consistant in just not paying attention or caring about her god speak, she'll give up.

 

I'm sure you are perfectly aware of the laws in your area regarding it, so I'm not going to say more. Your business, your choice...you have to weigh your own options there.

 

As for your son, keep deprogramming him. You've got a good oppertunity to teach him here about living as an atheist among fundies and how to hold his own beliefs.

[Brother Jeff]

She has indeed just switched one addiction for another. I used to do it all the time before I was properly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was miserable because of the uncontrolled illness, and I constantly self-medicated. I switched back and forth between drugs and alcohol and periods of fanatic religious belief and being high on Kryasst for years. Hopefully the day will come when she will be capable of dealing with reality as it actually is.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Others here have given good advice. Hope things end up working out well.

[Purple]

Thanks for reminding me why I don't talk to my neighbors, sheesh. These types of fundies are my absolute pet peeve I can't stand 'em! I had one tell me they were just like me before they came to Jesus, aparently being actively bi is the same as doing crack, I snorted at him and said, "really? I've never done an illicit drug, shrug... asshole.

 

Anyway, advice, she's already pegged you as not a "true christian", that's why she's inviting you to church. You being a full on atheist may not make a whole hec of a lot of difference to her. Then again, I like the catholic idea, or better yet tell her you're a Jew and having your son pray to Jesus is cutting the edge of being bigotry. She may be horrified, she may pray for you even more, BUT she's not going to be taken seriously if she calls the authorities to come save the little neighbor boy from his heathen jew parent. Being Jewish would also give you a reason to give her all the reasons you know why Jesus was a fraud, without her thinking you're a Satanist.

[♦ nivek ♦]

'mac..

 

Lotta shit in this post to address.

 

First:

When he goes to their home he is asked to say the blessing which he is too embarrassed to say no.

 

Teach your kid to know that the invisible can't hurt him, praying an homage to keep them happy isn't gonna bust his chops or nuts.

"When in Rome, head for the cheap bars, err, do as the Romans do.."

 

Second:

STFU about your life. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the public Korts of opinion. Less you say, less you let folks know about your life, less is able to be gossiped back to anyone who can effect your life.

Closed mouth gathers little foot.

 

Third:

Greening.. Do whatcha gotta do. Your choice. In this uS society using the herb is a major frackin' crime that is by far expanded past any utility, save making slaves for the State. Count the costs to you and your family for your self medication.

You know as an adult that possession and use of more than fractional amounts in *most* States is a major crime.

Hate to have to sound like a heartless bastard, more than usual, but getting busted for ganja, despite the societal relaxation about its use is still a fuckup...

If your State offers the utility of a medical maryjane card, look into obtaining one.

 

Fourth:

You can pick yer nose, but often not your neighbors. Do what you have to do to blend in and ensure they tend tooverlook you. If you are not in a position of *power*, or have some kind of societal mojo, then being part of the scenery is as important as paying your bills and keeping the Man off your door.

If son and neighbor's kid continue to be friends, then you'll have to teach boy how and what you desire him to understand and practice.

 

This sucks, living the Proles lack of life. The big however is that most folks due to simple economics have little opportunity to move to places more preferable. Sounds like you've got a place that fits you save for the folks you wish would go away..

Guess I'd rather have a cleaned up methead than one trying to rip my gear off active user..

 

Best advise overall from this end is simply to continue to educate your boy as you see fit. Instruct him on how to mask his feelings and opinions, teach him how to blend into a society that demands kissing the Kings ring and ass.

 

Being *different* takes talent and a commitment to learning and adapting to the ever changing mores and attitudes of those around you.

 

Be safe.

 

kFL

[R. S. Martin]

I'm trying to think how all the advice given here (if followed) will affect the 12-year-old son. Let's say he hears from his neighbours about his being Jewish. Will he know how to respond? I personally don't know enough Jews to pretend being Jewish but he may. That is my question.

 

Or if he refuses to pray at the meal, will he be hassled to the point where he will risk his mom's wrath and tell them he's atheist? Life must be a bit confusing for the kid with mom changing her religion right about the time when he is beginning to think for himself.

 

Around ages 12-14 lots of kids start thinking about these things more seriously. Others will be happy-go-lucky for another five years or so but not all. So I would just raise a precaution about how he fits into the picture because at 12 he's not just another piece on the chess board.

[xandermac]

First of all No one knows I use marijuana except my 2 grown sons and my husband. I would never tell my neighbors. As for saying I'm Catholic or Jewish that would be like saying I'm a Satan worshiper here. I only know of one Catholic church in this county and only Hispanics go there. There are no Jewish people here that I know of. I live across the street from a baptist church. Moving is not an option, it would be the same everywhere here unless we moved to a city. I'm just poor uneducated white trash living in redneckville and this computer is my only way of contacting intelligent people like you guys. I can give up the pot. I'm not a pothead anyway, I just use it a few times a month. I was just saying if some idiot christian decided I wasn't a good parent because I don't take my kid to church then the weed might be a problem. I can quit smoking pot but I cannot quit being a non believer. I will probably do what japedo said and just find him another friend. She'll probably be back on meth anyway when she stops getting attention from her christian friends for getting off drugs. She's probably using now and asking for forgiveness every time.

I feel kind of stupid for even posting this whole mess now. I forget where I am and who I am and how idiotic other people must think I am. I love coming to this forum, but I'm no way as intelligent as any of you and maybe I should just shutup and read and not embarrass myself by posting.I live in a different world here. Being an atheist is still new to me. Christians made me paranoid when I was a believer, now they just piss me off and I'm still angry, I haven't gotten to that level of deprogramming where they don't bother me anymore. Anyway thanks to all of you for the advice and I'll just let this thread die now.

[Japedo]

First of all No one knows I use marijuana except my 2 grown sons and my husband. I would never tell my neighbors. As for saying I'm Catholic or Jewish that would be like saying I'm a Satan worshiper here. I only know of one Catholic church in this county and only Hispanics go there. There are no Jewish people here that I know of. I live across the street from a baptist church. Moving is not an option, it would be the same everywhere here unless we moved to a city. I'm just poor uneducated white trash living in redneckville and this computer is my only way of contacting intelligent people like you guys. I can give up the pot. I'm not a pothead anyway, I just use it a few times a month. I was just saying if some idiot christian decided I wasn't a good parent because I don't take my kid to church then the weed might be a problem. I can quit smoking pot but I cannot quit being a non believer. I will probably do what japedo said and just find him another friend. She'll probably be back on meth anyway when she stops getting attention from her christian friends for getting off drugs. She's probably using now and asking for forgiveness every time.

I feel kind of stupid for even posting this whole mess now. I forget where I am and who I am and how idiotic other people must think I am. I love coming to this forum, but I'm no way as intelligent as any of you and maybe I should just shutup and read and not embarrass myself by posting.I live in a different world here. Being an atheist is still new to me. Christians made me paranoid when I was a believer, now they just piss me off and I'm still angry, I haven't gotten to that level of deprogramming where they don't bother me anymore. Anyway thanks to all of you for the advice and I'll just let this thread die now.

 

 

 

Xander,

 

 

Please don't ever consider yourself poor uneducated white trash. There is zero reason for you to feel stupid and there are more then likely many.. many... many people who are in this same type of predicament as yourself but don't have the courage to post what it's like living in fundyville hell. You articulate well and don't come across at all as someone uneducated.. why on earth would you say these things about yourself? They are obviously not true.

 

I think it takes strength to ask for advice in how to deal with emotional situations like the one you're in. You're being extremely hard on yourself and for no cause that I can see. We are not like the group of hens at the church who are sitting in the back pew gossiping and passing judgment. I'm sorry if any post on this thread came across as such, if it did it was our failure not yours. Most of us here are still recovering from the cult. Sometimes I think it will take an entire lifetime to unlearn all that was indoctrinated in me, at least on an emotional level.

 

IMO you have every reason to be paranoid. You live in the buybull belt for one, and two you have a newly converted drug addict who's on a mission to save all those around her. You by far are a lot stronger then I would be in either of those situations. The thought of living in the buybull belt alone gives me a near panic attack, I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't make friends really with neighbors, the most I do (on rare occasion if I happen to accidentally make eye contact )is wave if I'm in the yard. Then again we don't have southern charm up here.

 

I wish you much luck Xander and I look forward to more of your posts and please stop kicking your ass, there is no need to.

 

 

Tammy

[♦ nivek ♦]

'mac

 

You can freely consider me "slightly grownup scooter trash".

 

I feel kind of stupid for even posting this whole mess now. I forget where I am and who I am and how idiotic other people must think I am. I love coming to this forum, but I'm no way as intelligent as any of you and maybe I should just shutup and read and not embarrass myself by posting.I live in a different world here.

 

The Boss has selected me to be his Garbage Hauler.. Kinda hard to walk when one or more of my feet are stuck deep in mouth.

Don't sweat the posting of opinion, it is yours and as needing attention as any one else who bothers to publish here.

 

All our worlds are different to each other. We learn a LOT about these differences when we try and address the lists of things our ExC community needs help with.

 

Thing for me is simple in your case: Despite your economic status, guessing you folks are like a lot of us, "Working Poor" (no matter what the statistics say about the level of income), and not having a hellova lot of choices.

I can sugarcoat words and tell you and your "Oh its all OK and you've got nothing to worry about.." That won't be any version of TRVTH, and will do nothing to help the problems you face.

Telling you "Ill wish you the best (WTF is the *best* anyway?), or "I'll think of you!" is the unbeliever's eqiv of "I'll pray for you!".

I won't wish you anything but some workable advise on how to stay below the prickly radars of nosy neighbors who want nothing more than your presence in their weekend and mid-week meetings, in their version of the ReligiousBorgism..

 

If *smarts* were required to attend this Board and Foruii, I'da been chucked out on my semi-educated ass long ago. Best I can say is that there are some truly intelligent folks here who have lived or are living close to what you are going through now, can and will be willing to offer things your way.

 

Don't give up.

 

kFL

[Thackerie]

xandermac - You don't sound at all uneducated or trashy to me.

 

Just want to make a short comment on the pot-smoking thing as a woman who is your same age and also enjoys the occasional toke (the occasion being most evenings after the workday is over ;-)

 

While it's definitely a good idea not to let your neighbors or younger children know due to the stupid laws in this country, I don't think it's anything you should feel embarrassed about. Carl Sagan, the late astrophysicist who brought us "Cosmos" and a number of other highly intelligent books, was a daily pot smoker who said he always got his best ideas while taking a long shower after smoking a joint. Just thought I'd pass that along.

 

P.S. I definitely recommend reading Sagan's "Demon-Filled Universe."