Wally Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 One of the thoughts that has been running through my mind over the last few months is how painful it was to be a child in church. The reason I think and say so is that I recall how difficult it was at 9 or so, while having really no idea what life was a about (other than going to school, playing kickball and football, etc., watching TV...), I was still proselytized as some wretched, diabolical sinner. I was expected to repent, learn the Bible, and go to school and be an evangelist. Maybe it was my sensitive and shy nature, but this approach with me had the opposite effect that it was intended to. My faith was shattered and I became distraught because I could not do what I was supposed to, though I wanted to. It even got to the point once where I refused to take communion as I thought I was in sin and was terrified of taking communion (as those who do so in such a state "bring judgement upon themselves). Then, instead of helping me, my father and the communion server pressured me to take communion. You frequently hear in Evangelical churches that something like 85% of all people who get saved do so before the age of 18. Hence the rush to convert people while they're young. Finally, people who get saved as adults and raise their kids in church think that their kids have it made. Their attitude is "They're getting what I never had. They must be really happy. They had better appreciate it." They have no idea!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Welcome to Ex-C Wally! Which church were you a member of when you were going thru this torment? I too was raised in an abusive mindset cult where members never succeeded at becoming worthy. I'm very sorry for your pain and hope you're working thru it alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 When you are young, you are looking for all the answers to life, not to mention that pre-teen and adolescent years are a really difficult time even in the best of situaltions. Christianity presents itself as having all the answers and comes with a neatly wrapped up meaning of life. It promises everything from unconditional love, to mental stability, to your perfect spouse that god has created just for you. Yeah, and when things don't work out the way they are supposed to, it's your fault. God didn't renig on his promises, you wretched creature, you couldn't hold up your end of the bargin. What was the bargin really? We were supposed to become a new creation by accepting the atonement of Christ. We confessed our sins and believed that Jesus died for us. As the song goes, "Old things are cast away, I've been born again." However, nothing really changes. You are still the same person stuggling with life, your humanity, and if you are a teenager, all those damn hormones coursing through your veins and affecting the way you think. The promises that Christianity claims, are simply empty and meaningless. Their answer is, that even though you are, in fact a new creature, you are still bound by your sin nature. Hello? Wouldn't being a new creation, trump the sin nature? No, it doesn't work that way. It's a whole dysfunctional mess. You are supposed to live and even think in ways that are not even possible or practical. Anything less is sin. It sets people up to put on false faces, pretend to be something they are not, judge others, and point fingers at those who don't live up to the ideal, which is everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Hi Wally, I was raised church-of-god and I understand completely about the warped view of reality that you are forced, in very formative years, to adopt. I told my mother on my 18th birthday that I'd never set foot in a c-o-g and other than one funeral I haven't. I'm new here too, but from what I've seen so far, its a great bunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 From an early age, we had the message drummed into our heads that there were "penalties for sin." This meant a variety of things, including the ideas that God responded to evil with vengeance, and that if you did wrong you would get on a slippery slope of destruction. A curse would hang over your head like a dark cloud. But, in reality, the only dark cloud that hung over our heads was the Christian thought system. And the people that burdened us with this were the people who supposed to nurture and protect us -- our parents. They taught us fucked up things about the moral structure of the world we found ourselves in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Welcome Wally! Yes, it is truly tragic the way parents can honestly believe they are doing the best and right thing for their children by bringing them up in the church, and yet it is the worst thing they can do. A sensitive and shy personality is especially deeply impressed and often deeply convinced by the "I am a poor worthless sinner" idea. It can be the work of a lifetime to rid oneself of this. The effects are far-reaching and really devastating. I can only say that having been brought up in an independent Baptist church I can totally sympathize with what you are saying since I have been there, and I know there are many here at this website that do also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wally Posted July 20, 2007 Author Share Posted July 20, 2007 Japedo and company, Thanks a million for your kind replies. They meant a lot. If church folks had been so kind and understanding, I'd still be in church. Then again, I guess that's the point of this site! LOL. Seriously though, church pretty much destroyed my family. I remember being in college chapel and waiting after the message to talk to the woman who had spoken. I think she was a pastor's or missionary's wife. I prayed that God would let me talk to her as I was going through a lot as a result of my painful church upbringing. She finally came over to me and asked what I needed. I said that I had a lot of problems as I had grown up in church. Her answer would be funny if it weren't so quintessential and tragic. A scowl formed upon her brow as she quipped, "My kids grew up in church, and they're ok." That was it, folks. That was her "ministry" to me. Basically, her response was one of self-defense. In order for her to have helped me, she would have had to face the reality that kids could have problems DUE to being brought up in church. She could not do that. To answer your question, Japedo (BTW, it's nice to see a fellow New Englander here), I was raised in Pentecostal churches, mainly Assemblies of God (AG) and non-denominational. I even graduated from an AG college. I love literature and Dickens in particular. As some of you may know, when he was about twelve, his family was thrown into a debtors' prison. He, however, was not put into prison, but rather into one of those horrible child-labor factories he so often wrote about so well. It's said that his childhood trauma haunted him for the rest of his life. I can definitely relate. It's kind of like what the military terms "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" (PTSD). Another interesting note about Dickens that I came upon recently is that he despised evangelicals. Folks, I'm full of questions, comments, ideas and experiences. I'm sure we won't all agree on everything, which is fine. Just having people who understand and care is what counts though. Here's a short list of some of the things I witnessed or experienced in church and a "Christian family) so you can know where I'm coming from: *At about 12, seeing the infants and toddlers brought into the sanctuary and "have all the demons cast out of them" and having to listen to their horrified screams. (That image is seared in my mind permanently.) *Being taught you shouldn't date (until the pastor's kids were old enough to date) and that somehow you'd miraculously wind up married. *Not being allowed to go to the doctors. (Some people died or were permanently disabled.) *Not celebrating Christmas and having to face your friends at school as "the Christian who doesn't celebrate Christmas." *Regular family violence in a "Christian home." *A pastor refusing to visit a loved one in a mental hospital as "those people are a waste of time." *Watching my father scream at the TV (often in tongues) because of people he didn't like. *Being yelled at to hurry up so we could go to church and worship God. How soothing! *Pastors lying by saying that when you raised your hand to confess a sin no one would be watching. The deacons and ushers would stand up back and watch. (I call that the Protestand confessional! LOL). *Being the isolated oddballs in the family as we were the wacky "Born-again Christians." That's all for now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceConvinced Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 Welcome Wally. Can't say I experienced much of the things you listed there in your last post. Man, that is one screwed up church. I was born in a Christian home and mainly have good memories of the churches I went to. I met a lot fo great people and made a lot of fantastic friends. But I do believe that being brought up as a Christian had a lot of negative effects on me as a person, particularly at school. As a christian child you're taught to be very passive, which made me a target for bullies (you know the old crap about turning the other cheek?). Christianity breeds a people who don't fight back. I try to teach my kids now to stand up for themselves. But it's not just being passive, there's the issues of self-esteem (pride is a sin, you must be humble) and trying to repress your natural urges. I wonder just how much of a better, more well rounded, more confident and happy person I'd be today if I hadn't had Christian teachings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted July 20, 2007 Share Posted July 20, 2007 To answer your question, Japedo (BTW, it's nice to see a fellow New Englander here), I was raised in Pentecostal churches, mainly Assemblies of God (AG) and non-denominational. I even graduated from an AG college. Well Hello Wally, How awesome there's another New Englander around!! I was raised in the Ass of Gawd Church as well and I can completely understand where you're coming from. I did get Christmas, but Halloweens were a real drag handing out tracts and so forth. I was also part of the sign-language choir (ministry) and we used to do tours to local malls and schools. Here is my anti-T from a few years ago. They attempted to cast demons out of me as well.. My Anti T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wally Posted July 21, 2007 Author Share Posted July 21, 2007 To answer your question, Japedo (BTW, it's nice to see a fellow New Englander here), I was raised in Pentecostal churches, mainly Assemblies of God (AG) and non-denominational. I even graduated from an AG college. Well Hello Wally, How awesome there's another New Englander around!! I was raised in the Ass of Gawd Church as well and I can completely understand where you're coming from. I did get Christmas, but Halloweens were a real drag handing out tracts and so forth. I was also part of the sign-language choir (ministry) and we used to do tours to local malls and schools. Here is my anti-T from a few years ago. They attempted to cast demons out of me as well.. My Anti T Japedo, Thanks for sharing your story with me. You've been through a lot. It's amazing how horribly folks who want to save the world treat the ones closest to them. Since you're ex-AG too, you'll "appreciate" this story. A friend of mine who is AG to the core (Pastor's Kid- PK), recently got divorced from this woman who was a complete nutcase. One of the things she that lead to her leaving him was that he refused to go on a retreat with her. Now, this was no ordinary retreat- you know the marriage seminar deal with teaching and activities, etc. This was pure cult. I kid you not, the stipulations for the "retreat" were that you could not tell anyone where you were going, you could not contact anyone while you were wherever you went and you could not tell anyone what transpired at the retreat when you got back to "civilization." Yikes. Understandably, my friend would not go. As I said to him, people don't even go hiking for a day without telling SOMEONE where they're going! These cult retreats are being run by two "pastors" (read: hirelings) here in New England. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirangel Posted July 22, 2007 Share Posted July 22, 2007 blah, church was horrible as a child. I used to run into the bathroom right before we'd leave just to try to make us late, it was so painful...I was one of those kids who ran around all the time. Being stuck inside, sitting down, listening to someone talk was punishment. It was depressive. Then I had to go to religious class afterwards...that was even worse. "So kids, God loves each and every one of us...He's got the whole world in his hands..." ahhhhhhhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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